Columns

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The Humanoids: It’s Super

It’s Super Bowl week! We’re less than 48 hours from the kickoff of the biggest game of the year that relates to a football season that was played last year but let’s not get bogged down in technicalities. The teams are decided, the players are focused, and the coaches are preparing their troops to head into battle. That doesn’t mean that everyone and everything has been polished to perfection heading into the big game. There’s lingering questions about everyone, whether they’re in the game or not. I guess that means it’s up to me to dissect the Super Bowl in a way only the Humanoids can.

By the way, got some good feedback on the guest co-host on the latest Lowdown Extra. Check out our latest epic webisode of The Lowdown to hear him tear the house down with hilarious stories and jokes. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Pants On The Ground

Every week there are lots of people looking like fools whether or not they have their pants on the ground with the gold in their mouth and hat turned sideways. This week’s victims on The Humanoids have all looked like fools over the last week. Well, most have. I sorta tossed a whole pile of folks as looking foolish over the Conan O’Brien mess. Of course, I have to look like a fool by calling this post “Pants on the Ground.” Fortunately I don’t have any gold in my mouth… Well, not since I got that retaining bar removed. Whoever gets braces is a fool because they’re being ripped off. Sure my teeth are straighter but that bar was there for six years of annoyance. Anyway, let’s get on with the post. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Hard Hits

We’re back and hitting harder than ever on The Humanoids. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the whole blog is under reconstruction since Jackie left. I’m busy holding down the fort which makes for busy nights working on the next day’s post(s). Yeah, I don’t have any sympathy for myself either. Mind you, I don’t have any sympathy for the subjects of today’s column either. These folks have dug their own holes with what they’ve done over the last little while. If you make your bed, you’re going to have to lie in it.

Speaking of hard hits, I just found out that our next episode of the radio show is being pre-empted. We’ll still be doing the Lowdown Extra in its place. We’ll still do some of the stuff scheduled for the radio show but the trip to the club for pickup line advice is cancelled. Expect fire and brimstone to rain down during the WTF opinion segment. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Wrestling with Reality

I’m back with more Humanoids fun. The grind at my 9-to-5 is picking up speed. That’s the sort of thing that you have to get used to as you transition from school life to the working world. As hard as we try, we can’t go to work on Fridays on four hours of sleep and with a massive hangover. If you’re an Ivey student/grad include Thursdays in the previous sentence. Reality is just starting to settle in on the many recent graduates around the world. Some people accept that and will move on with the daily grind for the next 40 or 45 years. Other people will do just about anything to fight off the start of the rest of their life. Today’s targets on The Humanoids are battling with what their futures will be.

After two weeks off since the last edition of The Humanoids, I kept forgetting to get around to writing this edition. I usually start writing long before Friday rolls around. I see something interesting during the week and just riff on it. It doesn’t matter if it happens Saturday morning after the column hits the web or Thursday night before the column goes to the web. So with all the interesting things that happened over the last week, naturally, I wait until Thursday night to even start writing the column. There’s nothing I do better than procrastinate… Except for maybe tell jokes on radio. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Merry Christmas

I figured that the Christmas Day edition of The Humanoids had to have a seasonally appropriate title. It was either that or “Bah! Humbug”! While I’m not exactly in a merry mood, I figured that a humbug-ish title wouldn’t get as many page views. After all, Christmas is the time of year for hope and happiness and all that other stuff that I don’t have most days of the year.

Since you’re here, why don’t you listen to some Christmas music while you’re reading this post. I have just the thing for you. This week’s Lowdown radio show was our annual Christmas special with the weirdest and wackiest Christmas music that we could find. I think we found a new Christmas tradition at Lowdown HQ. Click here for the Christmasy goodness. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Twas The Week Before Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas and all through HQ
Not a creature was stirring, except maybe you.
Actually, Christmas and poetry have nothing at all to do with today’s Humanoids. Well, I guess you could say that Christmas came a week early for this lot because I get to lambaste them. Actually, I think that I might be the one that’s getting the early Christmas gift because I’m the one doing the lambasting. There’s nothing I love more than dishing out generally sarcastic remarks.

Have you caught the latest Lowdown Extra? We were going to play it on the 22nd but some bunch of self-important bunch of bastards that call themselves the CRTC don’t like it. We had to do a brand new Christmas special with extra Canadian Christmas music for the 22nd. For now, you can enjoy the original version of our 2009 Christmas special in all of its classic Lowdown ridiculousness. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Quick Hits

Does that post title refer to Tiger Woods hitting the fire hydrant? Maybe it’s about Keith Ballard’s stick against the side of Tomas Vokoun’s head? A lot of people are springing to the top of the news very quickly this week. Whether it’s in sports or entertainment, this week’s targets were barely on the radar last week and now find themselves front and centre this week. It also sorta refers to the last second nature of me putting this together and the fact that it’s a shorter than usual column so I could get this up today.

Now for your regular (and not fondly thought of) radio show update. Editing has wrapped up on the December 8th edition of Lowdown Extra. It will be our longest ever at about 1:22:37 of podcast goodness. We haven’t looked at the radio show version but it should have talk about DJ Hero, Band Hero, Lego Rock Band, random gifts and green shopping along with the usual news, entertainment and sports. It’s going to be a long weekend sorting all that out at Lowdown HQ. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Black Friday

Today is known in America as Black Friday. The day after Thanksgiving is the biggest day for discounted merchandise at American retail stores. That makes today the biggest shopping day of 2009. I don’t exactly know why it’s called Black Friday. Maybe it’s because it’s absolute hell for store workers. Though a more likely explanation is that it’s absolute hell for the guys being dragged along for the shopping. Today’s column subjects aren’t exactly being dragged through hell but most aren’t seeing things as all peaches and cream, though.

Time for the regular radio plug. We were on this week. Here’s this week’s episode about H1N1, hockey and the assorted randominity that we usually do. We’re going to tape both December shows this weekend. December 8th is our gift giving guide and December 22nd is our Christmas special featuring the weirdest Christmas music we could find. They’re always fun shows and we can’t wait to do them. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: The Exits

Somehow, I doubt that I would get much sympathy for myself if I called it the “Holy crap! Was I busy this week” edition of The Humanoids. Anyway, sorry for the delay. Today’s edition of the column is all about famous, or possibly infamous, exits. That was the theme of the column. The title of the column is a better story. I was trying to think of a title that went with the theme and I remembered Boy Meets World. In the heyday of TGIF, that was the anchor show. It was a classic family comedy that appealed to everyone and ABC just hasn’t been able to recapture that lightning. Anyway, in one episode, Cory and Shawn are working as roadies and claim they have a band when talking to some girls. Scrambling for a band name, they look around nervously until they see an exit sign. They were naturally drafted in to play a dance. The guys said afterwards that people were chanting for them. Actually, they were looking for a way out. I love that show.

The next episode of the radio show is still being scrambled together. It’s getting cut from over an hour to the usual 28 minute run time. Sometimes, I would rather that [former radio broadcaster of ours] just let us run the Extra as our usual show but they’ve got some show that they download every week ahead of us. Anybody want a whole hour of The Lowdown? Would you mind if we do it for the 50th Episode Spectacular? Anyway, the next show involves H1N1 vaccination talk, the potential UWO police brutality lawsuit, Alex Trebek coming from YouTube, and our NHL quarter-season review. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Friday The 13th Edition

It’s that day of the year that shows up whenever the hell it wants. It’s Friday the 13th. Good luck avoiding homicidal maniacs that will try to kill and inevitably will if you try to run away screaming. But today’s column isn’t about serial killers, though I understand that one was in the news recently. No, today’s column is about things that are wastes of time or wasting our time or somehow attached to things that waste our time. Anyway, there’s dangerous forces at work that need to be stopped. Generally it’s the usual moroninity that I cover here on The Humanoids except that I was really fired up over some of the ridiculousness of some folks over the last week. This post might have a bad title but I’d like to think that the content is good.

Anyway, the latest episode of the radio show is online. This one had something that should go away: Me talking about TV. Entertainment should be purely Jackie’s domain. However, it had a lot of Christopher Walken’s Poker Face in there which brought the show right back up. Click here to get the synopsis and download links for the radio show and Extra. Our next show is going to be another hockey edition. Don’t worry, thing’s will pick up in December. We’re trying to get a copy of DJ Hero from Activision to review for the annual Christmas gift buying guide (also known as The Lowdown’s Salute to Capitalism). There’s no way that works out the way we want it to. Continue reading →