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Not News of the Week

It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

I’ve never been a big fan of career politicians but I’ve finally found one that I can support. A Brazilian clown working under the stage name Tiririca won a seat in Brazil’s congress when he was elected as a federal deputy for Sao Paulo. He won in his electoral district by nearly double the number of votes as the next closest candidate who happened to be a former governor of Rio. Tiririca’s campaign was boosted by the use of ads posted on YouTube and viewed millions of times. Among his campaign slogans were “It can’t get any worse” and “What does a federal deputy do? Truly, I don’t know. But vote for me and I will find out for you.” No wonder why he got elected. He’s smarter than most politicians and actually tells the truth. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

A woman in Montana has discovered the top secret way to fend off a bear attack: Bash it with a zucchini. The woman was woken by a raucous in her backyard and found her dog fighting with a small black bear. She tried to intervene by screaming at the bear but that just got it to charge at her. So to fend off the bear, she grabbed the first thing in her kitchen that she could get her hands on. That happened to be a 12 inch long zucchini that she picked from her garden earlier in the day. She flung it at the bear, hit it in the head and scared the bear off. Both the woman and her dog were no worse for wear. No word if the bear made off with the vegetable for its evening snack. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Fairfax Country, Virginia, schools have taken the advice of chef Jamie Oliver and banned chocolate milk, chicken nuggets, and corn dogs from the cafeteria menu. But it’s not the kids that are raising hell over the changes to the menu but their parents. They’ve started a Facebook campaign trying to get these things back on the menu. Their thinking is that they should have the right to decide what their kids should eat, not the school board. And you wonder why America has a problem with childhood obesity… Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

Our first weird story of the week might not even be true. The Sun newspaper in Britain reported that a British teenager sent an insulting email to US President Barack Obama and was told by police that he was barred from ever entering the country. The teen claimed that he was drunk at the time he wrote the email and called Obama a “p***k.” (I’m not entirely sure what the apparent insult was.) Local police went to the man’s residence to pass along a message from the FBI that he’s no longer welcome in the USA. However, the blog Gizmodo says that Homeland Security doesn’t tell people that they’ve barred entry from the country. They just make notes on the person’s file and they’re turned away at customs. So what’s the weirder part of the story: That the kid was banned from the USA or that it looks like a newspaper ran a fake story? Continue reading →

Leave a comment Posted on by Steve Murray News

Not News of the Week

It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s the Not News of the Week.

A while back, we had a story about a New Zealand lawn bowling star who whipped his little lawn bowling pin to tell his teammates that they were playing like dicks and was banned for 10 years. Well, he appealed his suspension and it was overturned. The Bowls New Zealand judicial committee cited the fact that the event was in the locker room and the player was drunk as mitigating factors to his actions. So while drinking is getting North American sports stars into all sorts of trouble, you can get off easy in New Zealand by claiming that you’re smashed. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

It’s that time of week again. It’s all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s the Not News of the Week.

Everything is bigger in Texas and that includes their culinary daring when it comes to deep-fried foods. A man with a set up at the Texas State Fair is adding two very unique products to his menu. He’s now selling deep-fried beer and deep-fried frozen margaritas. The deep-fried beer is a beer-filled pretzel dough square. When you bite into it, the beer pours out. The deep-fried frozen margarita is a funnel cake batter mixed with tequila, dusted with margarita mix and served in a salt-rimmed plastic glass. You need to be over 21 to order them and it’ll take more than a few to even give you a buzz. Continue reading →

Leave a comment Posted on by Steve Murray News

Not News of the Week

It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s the Not News of the Week.

We hear all about celebrities claiming they don’t want their sex tapes to be released but a recent survey of women would indicate that those celebrities are lying. A survey of women on the dating website Can Do Better indicates that 64% of women would make and release a sex tape if they thought it would advance their career. Interestingly, men are less inclined to make sex tapes to get ahead with 42% of men willing to release a tape. The survey also said 45% of women would sleep with their college professor to pass a course and 36% would blackmail a coworker or boss to get ahead. I know it’s a dog eat dog world but there might be more catfights than we previously thought. Continue reading →

Leave a comment Posted on by Steve Murray News

Not News of the Week

It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Parents have a very weird concept of what’s ruining their children’s childhood. For example, swearing on TV and radio is bad even though they already knew the words. Similarly, in Italy, a mother of two teenagers filed a complaint with police about a topless sunbather despite the likelihood that her kids probably watch more porn than the entire Lowdown crew combined. The family was at a public beach when she asked the sunbather to cover her “ample breasts” (according to her lawyer) and stop rubbing cream on her body because it had “troubled her sons aged 14 and 12.” The sunbather’s lawyer was a bit more sympathetic to the sons’ “trouble” saying, “Let’s be clear my client is tall, brunette and has an ample breast and is therefore going to naturally be sensuous when she applies cream to her chest.” Gee, if living in Italy is always that troubling, I think I may have to go there to see what all the fuss is about. Continue reading →

Leave a comment Posted on by Steve Murray News

Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about then it must be time for the Not News of the Week.

A recent international study says that the most foul-mouthed country in the world is Canada. The study showed that 56% of Canadians swear frequently or occasionally when talking with friends. In Britain, that number is 51% while the US brings up the rear with 46%. Also, nearly three-quarters of Canadians say they swear in front of their families compared to two-thirds of Americans and Brits. Apparently the worst offenders in Canada are the Quebecois. Basically, this survey is trying to disprove that typical Canadian stereotype of being overly polite but it’s entirely pointless and proves nothing. Fuck whoever came up with this idea. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week #50

It’s a special edition of your favourite time of the week. It’s the 50th edition of all the weirdest and wackiest stories not fit for print. It’s the Not News of the Week.

Vuvuzelas were easily the most aggravating part of the 2010 World Cup (apart from the officiating). But usually, we’d turn down the sound or change the channel if need be. But what do you do if you don’t have that option? An Italian man found the best solution to that problem was reckless destruction. The man was at a bar where people were constantly blowing their vuvuzelas and tried to put a stop to their buzzing by firing a rifle into the air. When that didn’t work, he hopped into his car and rammed into the bar repeatedly before driving away. Oddly enough, when he went to a nearby hospital, he wasn’t going for treatment for his injuries but was admitted to the psychiatric ward. I knew those things would drive us all nuts eventually. Continue reading →