Not News of the Week

It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

I’ve never been a big fan of career politicians but I’ve finally found one that I can support. A Brazilian clown working under the stage name Tiririca won a seat in Brazil’s congress when he was elected as a federal deputy for Sao Paulo. He won in his electoral district by nearly double the number of votes as the next closest candidate who happened to be a former governor of Rio. Tiririca’s campaign was boosted by the use of ads posted on YouTube and viewed millions of times. Among his campaign slogans were “It can’t get any worse” and “What does a federal deputy do? Truly, I don’t know. But vote for me and I will find out for you.” No wonder why he got elected. He’s smarter than most politicians and actually tells the truth.

Speaking of good politics, President Obama just got streaked. A 24-year-old man in Philadelphia (where else?) became the first person in history to streak a Presidential speech. The man was inspired to streak nude because of a $1 million bounty that was placed on the achievement by billionaire Alki David. The catch was that the streaker had to write on them, run nude by the President and repeatedly scream the name of the site. It’s not official that the man has fulfilled the criteria but all eye-witness accounts suggest that he did. At the very least, he should probably get $10,000 from America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Sometimes drunks just make it too easy on the police. A drunk man in Wisconsin had to be rescued from the Wisconsin River by police after a wild goose chase went wrong. The man was actually chasing a wild goose with the intention of catching and roasting it. To make things more embarrassing for the goose chaser, the getaway goose was only one-legged and still managed to outrun and outsmart him. But I don’t think the goose was trying to avoid getting eaten but rather thought it was Dog the Bounty Hunter. It turns out that the drunk man had skipped bail and had an outstanding warrant against him. Not a bad day’s work for a goose.

From booze to PCP. A man in Seattle decided that he couldn’t wait to get to make-out point to get a little loving. So he decided to get it on in Seward Park… with his car. He apparently decided to go off-roading at the park, crashed his car, undressed and proceeded to deflower his Chevy Celebrity station wagon. Police wouldn’t elaborate as to how the man was performing the act and I don’t really want to know. I know that most people have celebrity sex fantasies but I don’t think this is what anyone has in mind.

Times are tough for everyone but advertising certain services by posting up flyers is just begging for trouble. That’s especially true if you’re trying to sell marijuana. A Nevada woman posted signs in her neighbourhood directing people needing their pot fix to her apartment. Unfortunately for her, it wasn’t customers but the police that turned up at her door. Shockingly, she wasn’t rung up on marijuana related charges but on heroin possession because that’s what police found at her apartment. No word if they were planning on charging her with something relating to her blatantly false advertising.

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