It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Parents have a very weird concept of what’s ruining their children’s childhood. For example, swearing on TV and radio is bad even though they already knew the words. Similarly, in Italy, a mother of two teenagers filed a complaint with police about a topless sunbather despite the likelihood that her kids probably watch more porn than the entire Lowdown crew combined. The family was at a public beach when she asked the sunbather to cover her “ample breasts” (according to her lawyer) and stop rubbing cream on her body because it had “troubled her sons aged 14 and 12.” The sunbather’s lawyer was a bit more sympathetic to the sons’ “trouble” saying, “Let’s be clear my client is tall, brunette and has an ample breast and is therefore going to naturally be sensuous when she applies cream to her chest.” Gee, if living in Italy is always that troubling, I think I may have to go there to see what all the fuss is about.

You always hear about dumb laws being enacted but this one takes the cake. A couple of kids had their lemonade stand shut down because they didn’t have a business licence. They were selling lemonade, popcorn and dog treats at a Vancouver park to raise money for their soccer team. However, someone filed a complaint that they were selling goods without a licence. That meant that city police had to shut the kids down. A city councillor was quoted as saying that they would have let the kids sell without any issues but were obligated to act because of the complaint. My question is who would be so worried about losing business to a couple of kids that they have to call the cops?

There’s no way to say that you believe in the clothes that you want to sell like wearing that store’s product to an interview. However, one Canadian woman did it the wrong way. She didn’t buy the clothes from the store she was interviewed at. She stole them. And after her interview, she stole some more clothes. Security saw her pilfer the clothes on the cameras but couldn’t catch her before she left the store. So they called the police and gave them her address which they had from her resume. Somehow, I don’t think she’s getting the job.

Some sports leagues have some draconian rules but none more so than New Zealand lawn bowling. One of New Zealand’s leading lawn bowlers (almost an oxymoron) was banned for 10 years after exposing himself at a tournament. He told the media, “We weren’t going very well and we’d had a few beers and we were playing like dickheads. I went for a piss and when I returned I flopped it out and said to the boys, ‘That is what we are playing like.'” Well, that’s one way to get your point across.

Jeremy Clarkson, host of BBC’s Top Gear, is often getting in trouble for things he says or does but now he’s getting crap for things other people do. In the 15th season premiere, Clarkson attempted to drive a three-wheeled Robin Reliant but kept rolling it. So naturally, it was Clarkson’s fault that a pensioner woke up to find her Reliant rolled on to its side. She thinks that some teenagers did it because they were inspired by Clarkson’s follies on TV and blamed him for this happening. I’m sure that the media report missed the part where she rolled her car backing out of her driveway.