News

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Not News of the Week

It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

A man in Kentucky has come up with a new excuse to get off on DUI charges and it has to do with him trying to get off. He claimed that the erratic driving that caused him to be pulled over was because his girlfriend was performing oral sex on him while he was driving. The man was pulled over by the cops, failed several field sobriety tests and blew 0.54 on the breathalyzer. I’m not a lawyer but I think that the judge would swallow this defense. Continue reading →

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2011 UWO USC Presidential Election Primer

It’s three men fighting for one of the biggest jobs in Canadian student politics. The University of Western Ontario’s Students’ Council President is the head of the third most-powerful student union in Ontario and one of the largest in Canada. It’s not a job to be taken lightly and one that is a full-time job for the winning candidate.

So who is the best man for the job? Read our unbiased cheat sheet for the uninformed after the jump. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

We’ve all pocket dialled at least once but it’s never really led to anything more than using up a few minutes of our phone plans. For one man in Illinois, a pocket dial led to a SWAT team to surround the school where he worked. The man, a teacher by day, was driving home with his phone in his back pocket when he butt dialled his wife. She heard the muffled sounds of hip hop music so she called 911 assuming her husband was being held hostage at work. For three hours, a SWAT team scoured the school looking for the man and his kidnappers but it wasn’t until police went to his home three hours later that they called off the search. By that time, there were three media helicopters and several dozen people watching outside the school. That would probably make it the most expensive butt dial in the history of cell phones. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Even under intense public scrutiny, Silvio Berlusconi is still a ladies man. As a Christmas gift for the 24 female MPs and 13 female senators from his party, he’s purchased 37 “Italian tricolour” rings which cost $1,900. The rings are made of three bands of yellow, white and pink gold and studded with small diamonds. Silvio is a firm believer in the adage that diamonds are a girl’s best friend because he bought female MPs diamond studded crucifixes last year. As for the male MPs, their presents are still en route. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

The state of Florida will allow highly educated people to sue for their own ignorance and stupidity. A Miami doctor is suing a restaurant because he didn’t know how to eat an artichoke. The doctor ate the whole artichoke and suffered from abdominal pain and discomfort as a result. But he’s suing the restaurant for “disability, disfigurement, mental anguish,” and “loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life” as a result of his experience. By the way, to eat an artichoke, you use your teeth to scrape the “meat” from the bottom of each leaf. Just in case you didn’t know. Continue reading →

Leave a comment Posted on by Steve Murray News

Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

It’s not often that a Hollywood celebrity finds themselves in the Not News but not every celeb has a tale like Dick Van Dyke. A couple of weeks ago, he went on the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson and told this story: “I went out once and fell asleep on (a surf) board. I did. And I woke up out of sight of land, and I looked around and I started paddling with the swells and I start seeing fins swimming around me, and I thought, ‘I’m dead.’ They turned out to be porpoises. They pushed me all the way to shore. I’m not kidding.” He’s 84 years old. Could that be the senility kicking in? Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Sometimes it takes a little help to keep a would-be crook down. In New Hampshire, it takes a little help from the produce section. A would-be thief tried to hold up a convenience store but was taken down from behind by a customer. When he later tried to escape while the store owner called the police, he was quickly brought down by a squash-wielding delivery man. The produce delivery product came in as the thief tried exiting and sacrificed his product in a shower of squash innards and seeds. That gives new meaning to cleanup in aisle three. Continue reading →

Leave a comment Posted on by Steve Murray News

Not News of the Week

It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Some people just have no idea when they’re too old to go trick or treating on Halloween. In Maryland, a 47-year-old man decided that he would go trick or treating this year in a diaper. It was weird but not illegal. What drew the attention of the police was the fact that the world’s biggest baby was drunk and screaming profanities at everyone in earshot. That was enough to earn him and drunk and disorderly charge. If he’s smart, his defense will be that he was only trying to scare people for Halloween. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

Soccer is a pretty intense undertaking in most parts of the world. It’s so intense that a match for promotion into Peru’s top tier involved one team drugging the other. Hijos de Acosvinchos received energy drinks from coaches of opponent Sport Ancash during a break in play. When action resumed, four players on Acosvinchos started collapsing. It is alleged that the Ancash coaches gave the opposition drinks containing tranquilizers. Not surprisingly, Sport Ancash won the match and promotion pending an investigation into the incident. Ancash’s president has his own theory as to what happened. He thinks indigestion and overexertion caused the players to pass out. That’s a new one. Continue reading →

Leave a comment Posted on by Steve Murray News

Not News of the Week

It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

One of my pet peeves while driving are old men on mobility scooters who assume that the road is theirs to use. Fortunately, a British plumber has fixed all our problems by building a mobility scooter that can go upwards of 69 mph. The man swapped out the scooter’s standard electric motor for a 125cc motorcycle engine. He’s also eligible to set a new world record for fastest mobility scooter but the Guinness folks say he can’t alter the appearance of the scooter. The plumber-turned-mad scientist says that the biggest problem with that is the scooter tends to get twitchy and hard to control as it gets up in speed. Well, at least when he retires, he’ll be the coolest pensioner in the old folks’ home. Continue reading →