If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

We’ve all pocket dialled at least once but it’s never really led to anything more than using up a few minutes of our phone plans. For one man in Illinois, a pocket dial led to a SWAT team to surround the school where he worked. The man, a teacher by day, was driving home with his phone in his back pocket when he butt dialled his wife. She heard the muffled sounds of hip hop music so she called 911 assuming her husband was being held hostage at work. For three hours, a SWAT team scoured the school looking for the man and his kidnappers but it wasn’t until police went to his home three hours later that they called off the search. By that time, there were three media helicopters and several dozen people watching outside the school. That would probably make it the most expensive butt dial in the history of cell phones.

As much as we mock Alabama for all the typical American south stereotypes, there is one way that Huntsville, Alabama, is more ahead of the rest of the world. An “adult store” in Huntsville is making waves for opening a drive-thru lane for customers. The drive-thru has been used steadily since being opened and has seen brisk business on cold and rainy nights according to employees. Interestingly, it’s illegal to sell items “intended for sexual stimulation” in the proud state of Alabama. So the store takes advantage of a loophole in the law for the sale of sex toys for unspecified “medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial, or law enforcement” purposes. In other words, all you have to say is you fulfill one of those criteria to be able to buy something from the drive-thru. Only in Alabama.

Speaking of sex toys, a games booth at the Tahunanui Arts and Crafts Fair in New Zealand was giving away blow-up sex dolls as prizes to kids. But these weren’t ordinary blow-up dolls. The booth was giving away inflatable sheep blow-up dolls. Parents say that the booth giving away the dolls was targeted towards children. As one concerned parent said, “Kids are growing up too fast as it is.” I guess that means they don’t want them learning about certain New Zealander pastimes while they’re young.

If you’re transporting drugs, you might want to drive in as inconspicuous a manner as possible. A man in New York City found this out the hard way after being pulled over after running a red light. When police pulled him over, they saw that the minivan was filled with garbage bags of marijuana. In total, there were 513 pounds of pot in the van. That would explain why the van wasn’t able to outrun the cops. Not surprisingly, the driver was charged with a few counts of felony possession. Only 50 counts. If my math is right, that’s only one count for every ten pounds which sounds like a pretty good deal.

A man in Eugene, Oregon, is no longer known as Douglas Allen Smith Jr. He will henceforth be known as Captain Awesome. Mr. Awesome happens to be a huge fan of NBC’s Chuck (like everyone else at Lowdown HQ). He felt the best way to support his favourite show was to change his name to the nickname of Chuck character Devin Woodcomb, also known as Captain Awesome. The newly named Captain Awesome also has an awesome way of signing his name as you can see on his name change petition on the left. Is there anything more awesome than a signature with a happy face? That’s awesome.