Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

It’s not often that a Hollywood celebrity finds themselves in the Not News but not every celeb has a tale like Dick Van Dyke. A couple of weeks ago, he went on the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson and told this story: “I went out once and fell asleep on (a surf) board. I did. And I woke up out of sight of land, and I looked around and I started paddling with the swells and I start seeing fins swimming around me, and I thought, ‘I’m dead.’ They turned out to be porpoises. They pushed me all the way to shore. I’m not kidding.” He’s 84 years old. Could that be the senility kicking in?

Americans are very serious about their reality TV. They’re so serious that they’d rather not watch it than see an injustice carried out. Take the example of one man in Wisconsin who was so upset with how well Bristol Palin is doing on Dancing With The Stars that he shot out his TV. The 67-year-old DWTS viewer jumped out of his seat in the middle of Palin’s performance, yelled “the fucking politics” in reference to the theory that Tea Party supporters are voting Palin through the competition, and blasted out the front of the TV with his trusty shotgun. That escapade led to a 15-hour standoff with Wisconsin police before he surrendered. Police say that while he’s in prison, he won’t be allowed access to a television. That’s probably for the best.

Well, speaking of ridiculous American crimes, a city councillor in New Castle, New York felt it was civic duty to stop the sale of baked goods without a permit. But those intrepid entrepreneurs were actually two 13-year-old boys selling cupcakes, cookies, brownies, and Rice Krispie squares. The councillor called the police to remove the kids from public property because they did not have the required vendors permit or insurance certificate. For their troubles, the kids got a ride home in a squad car. At least the cop was understanding about the whole thing even if the town’s elected officials weren’t.

Life lesson for future cops: If you’re going to have a romantic affair in your squad car, turn off the radio. A sergeant with Snohomish County sheriff’s department was put on leave after dispatchers received a 10-second radio transmission of what sounded like a woman moaning. The dispatchers believe they heard the officer “engaged in an inappropriate romantic relationship while on duty.” This isn’t very unusual for police officers in Washington state, however. A few months back, we had a story about two male Puget Sound officers engaging in a three-way while on duty which allowed a robbery to be committed. I think I’m going to Washington to becoming a police officer.

For the second time in three editions, here’s another Not News story from YouTube. Except that this isn’t a news broadcast. Somebody driving down I-75 decided that they couldn’t be bothered to hitch a trailer to the back of their car. So their horse go to ride in the back seat.


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