Columns

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The Humanoids: Return To Regular Service

After last week’s left turn into the world of NASCAR, we return to regular ranting on The Humanoids. At least, for the most part. I have a small correction from last week that I need to make thanks to my own first-hand research. Anyway, I’d like to say that there is one big over-arching theme to this week’s column but I don’t think there is. Maybe shooting yourself in the foot is the theme of this week’s column. I think you can thread that through most of the victims of my occasionally comic rantings. Some more literally than others.

By the way, no new news on the radio show front. It’s coming back soon, though. I hope. Still no word from CHRW about keeping us in their lineup. I’m a little concerned but I’m not going to lose any sleep. After all, a good internet podcast can help make the blog better. However, I doubt it could get us as many page views as Gina Carano has over the last week. Good news is that we’re now being followed by Fanshawe and UWO on Twitter. That’s gotta count for something. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: At Michigan International Speedway

As you’re reading this, I’m on the tail-end of my road trip to Michigan International Speedway for the Show Me The Carfax race weekend. I should be at the track in time for Nextel Cup qualifying which I might watch from the pits and spend the next two days there for the Nationwide and Nextel Cup Series races. I’ll have a full recap next week and I’ll be tweeting from the track every now and then. Anyway, since I’m going to be at the NASCAR weekend at MIS, I figured that I would make this edition of The Humanoids all about NASCAR.

Since I have a chance, here’s your obligatory Lowdown radio update. The latest segment on the show will be “The Worst of Music.” Jackie and I will find one new piece of music to declare as the worst of music. For example, the worst thing I’ve heard over the last few weeks would be Pitbull’s I Know You Want Me. It’s a mind-numbingly bad piece of music that makes Katy Perry listenable rather than just watchable. So this and “It Came From YouTube” are making for a cramped line-up as we creep up to the Season 3 Premiere on September 15th. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Leaving A Legacy

Legacy is fickle thing. So is my vocabulary seeing as I think a lot of things are fickle. You think you know what someone’s legacy will be but something happens that changes everything. I thought Michael Schumacher was overrated and a dirty driver but a few years without him made me realize how good a driver he actually was. Brett Favre was set to retire as a legend but tarnished his legacy with a trip to New York. There are some of my subjects today that haven’t set their legacy in stone yet. But is there such a thing as a legacy set in stone? Two controversial examples: 1) Steve McNair who was considered the toughest guy in the NFL but being shot by his mistress has tarnished him a bit in my eyes. Not as much as the circumstances surrounding 2) Chris Benoit who was one of the greatest technical wrestlers to set foot in the ring but he killed his wife and son before killing himself. The thing with these two is that they have tremendous professional legacies but could you ever think of them the same way (especially Benoit) as you did before they died.

Good news out of Lowdown HQ. We have one part of the Season 3 Premiere of The Lowdown radio show is in place. The kind folks at EA Sports have sent us a copy of NCAA Football 10 to review. We’ll have a preliminary review on the blog in the next couple of weeks. The big feature review will make on to our season premiere, currently scheduled on September 15th at 6:30 PM on 94.9FM CHRW in London, ON, and CHRWradio.com.

Anyway, The Humanoids will be going on hiatus next week. We’ll see what Jackie comes up with as a replacement. Maybe it’ll be the next big thing in blogging. And no, this has nothing to do with some guy on Twitter calling me a “st****** m*****f******” for not cheering the fact that Lewis Hamilton won the Hungarian Grand Prix. I’m still not sure what he was trying to call me. I would have guessed “stupid motherfucker” but I’m short a few letters. Anyone have any ideas? Maybe it’s “Stig’s coming! Fuck yay!” about Schumacher’s return. I’m thinking of making that edition of The Humanoids a NASCAR edition because I’m heading to the Michigan International Speedway to watch the good ol’ boys of the NASCAR Sprint Cup and Nationwide Series. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Don’t Hate The Player… Or Do Hate The Player

You know what the hardest part of blogging is? It’s coming up with a good title. It has to explain the post to anyone browsing on a search engine but it also has to make a potential reader click on the link to it. That is if your blog posts are actually listed. That would be the other thing that’s hard about blog writing. I’m used to writing and performing on live radio. I figure that means that a lot of my passive attacks and pseudo-sarcastic remarks don’t work as well in print as they do with my amateur radio voice. That doesn’t mean that I won’t try. This week I try to the tune of over 2300 words. Not Bill Simmons long but it’s a good start for someone that Jay Mariotti would characterize as having no life and living in my parents’ basement. Still, writing 2300 words on the blog is easier than writing that much for a university term paper.

Anyway, it’s been a tough week in the world of sports for a lot of folk. Usually we’re gliding our way into the dog days of summer and are just praying for the start of football or hockey or meaningful baseball games. Instead, we have all sorts of stories popping up. It’s a blogger’s dream… And ESPN’s nightmare. Among other folks. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Excuse The Abbreviation

Sorry but today is a slightly shortened edition of The Humanoids. By slightly shortened, I mean that I could only think of eight instead of nine victims. Mind you, with the readership number I usually get, I would have to think that no one will notice. But I’m sure that someone cares that my column was abbreviated because I had to be elsewhere today. I figure that, even though we have more visitors to the blog in a day than listeners to our radio show in a season, most people are here for the pretty pictures.

Anyway, we’ve been working hard on the radio show over the last week. For the next season, we are planning on launching a Facebook fan page, a Twitter account, a Talkshoe account, and a YouTube channel. That’s all the fun technical stuff that involved in running a crazy bi-weekly radio show. Meanwhile, we’re still pulling together segment ideas for the next season. Expect a lot more of us and less of those big feature segments. One new segment we’re going to frequent is “It’s New But Is it Any Good?” where we’ll review new products on the market to see if they’re worth buying. It’s not a great idea but we’re working on it. I’m sure we’ll have a great season upcoming. But that’s then, this is now so let’s roll on. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Shot In The Foot

I’m not encouraging that anyone shoots today’s subjects of my ranting. They’re all doing a fine job of that themselves. There are quite a few folks that are either committing career suicide or opening their mouth and inserting their foot. A couple manage to pull off both. That’s the price of fame, I suppose. When you’re in the public eye, anything you say or do will be overanalyzed and overexaggerated to death. Somebody can say something completely innocent but it can be spun into a career destroyer. Not that many people on this list need that much effort. I’ll admit that as a member of the media, there are times when I’m willing to edit something to fit what I want. I once edited a guy on the radio show to make it sound like he was talking about porn. Again, not that any of today’s subjects needed to help. Although the first guy up on the radar claimed he was the victim of judicious editing. Us media guys are such bastards. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Happy (July) Holidays

I’m having trouble figuring out what is the biggest holiday. Is it Christmas, Victoria/Memorial Day, or Canada/Independence Day? At Christmas, you give and receive gifts which makes it a hit with the kids. But the other two have the adults (and most teenagers) giving and receiving beer. On that alone I’d knock off Christmas but the snow and blizzards seal the deal. When you consider that Canada Day and Independence Day fall close enough together that you can party twice in short succession and take that whole stretch off without burning too many vacation days, it has to be the winner. The fact that I live on the US border probably makes it seem better too. Continue reading →

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The Humanoids: Premiere Edition

Welcome to my new weekly column. On The Humanoids, I look at nine people, places, or organizations that are in the news and knock the piss out of them (for lack of a better description). If you’re a fan of Deadspin, you’ll notice that this is a less funny and shorter Will Leitch’s Ten Humans column. And if you’re a fan of pro wrestling, you’ll know I borrowed the title from Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. But that doesn’t mean this failed stand-up comic doesn’t still have some tricks up his sleeve. Continue reading →