As the Not News seems to prove time and time again, Americans just aren’t that bright. Two men broke into an apartment but were arrested while getting away. Police didn’t have too much trouble matching the men to witness descriptions because their masks were just permanent marker scribbled on their face. The two men, naturally, were drinking before their break-in and, combined with their stupidity, they were easily caught by laughing police. The local police chief says this was easily the weirdest and worst attempt at disguise in his nearly 30 years on the force. Continue reading
Weird
Not News of the Week
A Minnesota man was charged with DWI when he crashed into a car in a parking lot and was found to have a blood-alcohol content of 0.29. His vehicle was also ceased and will be put up for auction making it the first time in history that Minnesota police have auctioned off a motorized La-z-boy. The 61-year-old chair driver also converted his recliners made for the outdoors into a kick-ass ride. It has cupholders, a stereo system, a steering wheel, and headlights, and is powered by a converted gasoline lawnmower. The police say that they’ve gotten a few inquiries about the chair and most officers are considering putting in a bid themselves. Continue reading
Not News of the Week
If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be time for another dose of the Not News of the Week.
A woman in Wisconsin tried a new way to get out of an arrest for shoplifting. The woman allegedly stole a bag of beef jerky and a lighter from a convenience store and went home. When police arrived at the woman’s house, she stripped down to her underwear in front of her three kids claiming that the officers couldn’t arrest a naked woman. Police seemed to think they could arrest a naked woman but when they tried to cuff her, she kicked one officer in the groin and spit in another’s mouth. When they finally got her into the squad car, she decided to moon everyone out the rear window. Naturally, she was very drunk when this all happened. Something tells me that she won’t win Mother of the Year this year. Continue reading
Not News of the Week
For the 15th time ever, it’s all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.
How ridiculous have Ontario’s laws about smoking gotten? You can’t even smoke in your own car anymore… Assuming that your car is also your workplace. A truck driver on Highway 401 (Canada’s busiest highway) was fined for violating the Smoke-Free Ontario Act because he was smoking in the work place. Apparently, there is a national law that allows truck drivers to smoke in “designated smoking vehicles.” It also turns out that the ticketing officer may have been so busy trying to apply an unpopular law that he forgot to check who owned the vehicle. If the driver did own the vehicle himself, he was well within his rights to smoke. It looks like this is another case of an officer trying to meet his quota and this fine will go up in smoke. Continue reading
Not News of the Week
Another week, another dose of the weird, wacky, and wonderful news not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.
A staple of American television is those high-speed police chase shows which usually end up badly for the suspect. However, a recent high-speed chase in Wyoming seemed more like something out of a Hollywood drama instead of reality. Last Wednesday morning, police were led on a 50 mile chase that reached speeds of 100 MPH. The chase ended relatively safely when the getaway car was cornered by police. It took another twist when the driver tried to escape on foot. When police caught the driver, they were shocked to find that the driver was an 11-year-old boy. An investigation is still ongoing. I assume one of the things they’re doing is trying to figure out how the kid reached the pedals. Continue reading
Not News of the Week
Even though it’s Tuesday, if it’s not worth talking about, then it’s still the Not News of the Week.
The 2009-2010 NHL season kicks off on Thursday night. There’s one man that won’t be taking the ice because he’s making a lateral career move. Veteran NHL defenseman Patrice Brisebois retired last week after 18 seasons and 1009 games. Unlike most retiring athletes, he’s not planning his eventual comeback. Instead, he’s going to fill his free time by driving in the NASCAR Canadian Tire Series. He’s run two races. His first race was at Trois Rivieres where he retired because of heat exhaustion. In his second race in Montreal, he finished in 12th after starting in 15th. He says his racing dreams include moving up to the Nationwide or Sprint Cup Series. If that doesn’t work out, he’d love to race in the world-famous 24 Hours of Le Mans. Continue reading
Not News of the Week
Remember: If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.
Dogs can be used as convenient excuse for everything from kids not doing homework to mail not being read to household items missing. However, one British man tried a new one. In England, everyone with a TV set must pay a licensing fee to support the BBC. One man tried to get out of paying his fee by saying that he doesn’t watch TV but his dog does. He claimed that his dog was lonely while he was at work so he leaves the TV on to keep the dog company. Other good excuses include the subtitles (closed captioning) being stuck on French and not being able to afford it because of taking care of a bird that flew into the house. Continue reading
Not News of the Week
A day late, a dollar short, but it’s still all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s the weird, the wacky, and the wonderful Not News of the Week. The theme of this week’s Not News is nature’s revenge.
Thirty-six years ago, a fisherman from Somerset was caught out by a fast moving incoming tide. He tried moving his car back from the edge of the water but his clutch started slipping so he abandoned ship and left his car to be buried at sea. Well, that story has one glaring inaccuracy. His car wasn’t buried at sea. Instead, the fisherman’s Vauxhall Victor 101 was buried under mud at that same beach it was lost at over three decades ago. The car and several parts have been discovered buried just below the surface of the sand thanks to rough weather that has shift a fair amount of sand. The fisherman hasn’t said if he plans on having the car retrieved but the last car that was salvaged from partial burial at the beach cost £3,000 to save. Continue reading
Not News of the Week
Welcome to the tenth edition of the Not News of the Week: Your weekly reminder that if it’s not worth talking about, then it’s definitely not news.
The Palin family feud is officially underway. Levi Johnston, the guy that knocked up Sarah Palin’s then 17-year-old daughter, is spilling the beans on the secret life of the former governor of Alaska and 2012 presidential hopeful. Johnston says Palin’s reputation as a outdoorsy person is all hype as he’s never seen her touch a fishing pole and claims she can’t identify guns, let alone knows how to fire one. He also tries to debunk the myth that Palin was a good family woman saying that the family rarely talked or ate dinner together and Sarah and Todd’s marriage was teetering on the brink of divorce. Even if these accusations aren’t entirely true, they’re still going to hurt Palin’s planned presidential campaign. That and the fact that she’s, as McCain campaign workers so eloquently put it, inept, ignorant, and egocentric. Continue reading
Not News of the Week
Another week means it’s time for more of the news that’s not fit for print. It’s the Not News of the Week.
One of the rising stars of Twitter is not a popular Hollywood star or media personality. Instead, it’s not someone who is already a star but a 73-year-old grandfather whose quotes are being Tweeted by his son. The grumpy old man’s views on everything from actresses to voicemail to his grandkid are tweeted by his live-in son. He’s rocketed over 50,000 followers and is still gaining more from word of mouth about him rather than the shameless plugging that celebrities engage in. You can follow him @shitmydadsays where you can find gems such as “Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.” Continue reading
The Lowdown 