Not News of the Week

For the 15th time ever, it’s all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

How ridiculous have Ontario’s laws about smoking gotten? You can’t even smoke in your own car anymore… Assuming that your car is also your workplace. A truck driver on Highway 401 (Canada’s busiest highway) was fined for violating the Smoke-Free Ontario Act because he was smoking in the work place. Apparently, there is a national law that allows truck drivers to smoke in “designated smoking vehicles.” It also turns out that the ticketing officer may have been so busy trying to apply an unpopular law that he forgot to check who owned the vehicle. If the driver did own the vehicle himself, he was well within his rights to smoke. It looks like this is another case of an officer trying to meet his quota and this fine will go up in smoke.

Good news for women (and men): A hypnotist claims that women can increase the size and firmness of their breasts using only the power of their mind. The hypnotist, who was profiled in a BBC report about how easy it was to become a license hypnotist, claims that his 12 weeks of self-hypnosis CDs would guarantee that women get larger breasts. In fact, he says that he has an 85% success rate and is so confident in his system that he offers a money back guarantee. The BBC report questions that slightly. A BBC host was able to get his cat registered as a hypnotherapist after faking its degree and paying the registration fee. Says it all about hypnosis not used to publically embarrass people in front of a crowd for their entertainment.

The relatively new sport of Chessboxing has finally crowned its first champion. Gianluca “Il Dottore” Sirci won the championship fight with a ninth round checkmate over Andy “The Rock” Costello. The sport of Chessboxing combines four-minutes of chess and three-minutes of boxing into an eleven round extravaganza. The winner is the first to score a knockout or checkmate. If neither of those happens, the winner is decided using points scored during the boxing portion of the fight. The sport was founded in 2003 and now has over 150 competitors. It has also attracted a respectable following of likely confused folks.

Snail mail is becoming increasingly obsolete in the digital age. It’s slower, more expensive, and more prone to errors than email. This point was proven when a couple received a postcard from a woman on holiday 40 years ago. A woman sent the postcard describing her holiday from Stratford-on-Avon in July 1969 to Almondbury but it only found it’s way through the system when the house’s current occupants found it among some bills. Britain’s Royal Mail service claim that the letter couldn’t have been lost in the system for 40 years and that it’s likely that someone put it back in a mailbox. I don’t buy that for a second because no postal system in the world would send letters for free. But notice that they’ll lose a personal letter but if they’re sending a bill, they’ll get it there on time. I’m surprised that they don’t attach a note saying “Pay up sucker” with each one.

We’ve all seen the footage of the couples races that take place in Finland every year. But have you ever wondered how to get there or what you could win? Well, the way for most of us to get there is to run the North American Wife Carrying Championship. The winning couple gets an automatic berth to the world championship. This year’s North American champion couple covered the 278-yard course (complete with a mud hole and two log obstacles) in 54.45 seconds. For the win, the couple got the wife’s weight in beer and five times her weight in cash. In this case, it netted the couple 97-lbs. of beer and $485.

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