Not News

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Not News of the Week

It’s back to the well once again. It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s the Not News of the Week.

By now, we’ve all heard that Google is planning on ceasing its specialized operations in China. In order to gain favour with the Chinese government, they produced a special censored version of their search engine. Well, after alleged invasions of privacy by the Chinese government on users and Google itself, Google decided they were done. However, that means that over 200 employees are being put out of work. So what is Google doing for its soon-to-be former employees? They let them have an afternoon off and took them all to see Avatar. Talk about a quality severance package. I wonder if Avatar was censored by the Chinese government. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

It’s that time of week again. It’s all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s the Not News of the Week. Today’s NN actually has a theme. It’s all about strange crime.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kids are growing up faster these days. That’s especially true in Cincinnati. Two teenage girls are believed to be the perpetrators of a bank robbery last week. A 14-year-old and 12-year-old girl were captured by security cameras in the holdup. They didn’t appear to have any weapons but that didn’t stop them from threatening staff. Interestingly, the regional FBI office says that this is the first time that a minor has robbed a bank, let alone a girl. Meanwhile, Cincinnati police are stumped as to where the girls are. In other words, two teenagers are better bank robber than most of the professionals. Like I said, kids are growing up faster these days. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be time again for the Not News of the Week.

Rage Against The Machine took home its second major honour in as many weeks last week. After taking the Christmas Number One single in Britain, lead singer Zach de la Rocha took home an award for the 2009 Beard of the Year. Britain’s Beard Liberation Front hands out the award annual for the best beard on a well-known person across the globe. Previous honourees include Tom Jones and Robert Plant. They also handed out the award for beard of the decade which went to Glastonbury music festival founder Michael Eavis (narrowly beating Fidel Castro). Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

It’s that time of the week again. It’s all the weird, wacky, and wonderful stories that make up our Not News of the Week.

The economic recession that has swept the globe has put a bit of a financial crunch on everyone. It turns out that the effects were far more widespread than we first imagined. Santa Claus walked into Nashville bank and was carrying more than presents. Santa had a gun which he used to fill his bag full of presents (cash) for himself. The FBI has asked for help in tracking down the suspect who they describe as six-feet tall with white hair and beard and wearing a red “Santa suit.” If I were them, I’d start in the North Pole and work my way south. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

For the 25th time in the blog’s history, it’s time for all the news not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

A new study released in Germany finds that men will live longer if they stare at women’s breasts. The researchers say that staring at breasts leads to sexual excitement which gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. A study of 500 men showed that men who stared at women’s breasts had lower blood pressure, slower resting heart rates, and fewer episodes of coronary artery disease. The study said that men should stare at larger breasts for at least 10 minutes a day. This study is bound to make small talk difficult for men who follow this study. That’s especially true when guys use the pickup line “I have to stare at your chest because it helps me to live longer.” Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be time for the Not News of the Week.

A woman in PEI was pulled over by the RCMP where they smelled marijuana in the car. She admitted to having it in the car so she was taken in. On the way to the police station, the officer still smelled marijuana (and he had yet to “examine” the evidence). She searched the woman and found another bag of marijuana in the woman’s bra. I know some women pad their bras but that has to be the first padding where everyone wins. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

It’s that time of week again. It’s time to look at the weirdest and wackiest stories from the last seven days. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

The Beatles famously sang that all you need is love. Well, a British couple have found that all you really need is porn. In order to fund a beachfront wedding in Cancun, Mexico, a British couple has made three porn films and are planning to make four more. Among the things the couple have done are dripping hot wax on each other, paddling, and a threesome. Apparently, their family and friends are very understanding of what they’re doing. I wonder if their four kids will feel the same way when they come across their parents on the internet. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

Another week, another dose of all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Downtown Toronto had an unexpected visitor last week. A female deer was found lounging in some shrubs around University and Dundas in the heart of the downtown of Canada’s most populous city. The deer wasn’t too keen on leaving her adopted home near City Hall and had to be both tranquilized and tazed to be captured and removed by animal control. No one is really sure how the deer got to downtown but it had been spotted before it was captured at Union Station which is about 1.5 km south of University and Dundas. However, I am pretty sure that the deer is at least as smart as the average denizen of Toronto. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be time for the Not News of the Week.

Only in America is livestock something a part of urban life. A cow decided to take a late-night dip in its neighbour’s pool. A woman was home alone when she heard the cow jump into her pool. It wouldn’t have been a terribly big deal but the pool didn’t have any steps in or out of it. The Anderson County Technical Rescue Team had to be called in to pull the cow out of the pool with the heavy equipment. No word if the woman’s homeowner’s insurance covers damage to the pool caused by runaway cows. Continue reading →

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Not News of the Week

For the 20th time in the blog’s history, it’s time for all the weird and wacky stories from around the world. It’s the Not News of the Week.

Canada caused quite the diplomatic crisis last week. Federal transport minister John Baird was supposed to be attending gala in Toronto but wasn’t able to make it to the event. To explain his absence, Baird sent someone a text message saying “Thatcher has died.” A Prime Ministerial aide was dispatched to confirm the news and write a statement mourning the death of Margaret Thatcher. However, calls to Buckingham Palace and 10 Downing Street (the British Prime Minister’s residence) indicated that Thatcher was still alive. It turns out Baird was skipping the gala because his cat, named Thatcher, had died. When British journalists found out about the incident, they naturally had a field day with it. The aide who was told to write the statement was quoted as saying that if the cat wasn’t dead, he would have strangled it. Continue reading →