Not News of the Week

It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Sometimes it takes a little help to keep a would-be crook down. In New Hampshire, it takes a little help from the produce section. A would-be thief tried to hold up a convenience store but was taken down from behind by a customer. When he later tried to escape while the store owner called the police, he was quickly brought down by a squash-wielding delivery man. The produce delivery product came in as the thief tried exiting and sacrificed his product in a shower of squash innards and seeds. That gives new meaning to cleanup in aisle three. Continue reading

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Not News of the Week

It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Some people just have no idea when they’re too old to go trick or treating on Halloween. In Maryland, a 47-year-old man decided that he would go trick or treating this year in a diaper. It was weird but not illegal. What drew the attention of the police was the fact that the world’s biggest baby was drunk and screaming profanities at everyone in earshot. That was enough to earn him and drunk and disorderly charge. If he’s smart, his defense will be that he was only trying to scare people for Halloween. Continue reading

Not News of the Week

It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

One of my pet peeves while driving are old men on mobility scooters who assume that the road is theirs to use. Fortunately, a British plumber has fixed all our problems by building a mobility scooter that can go upwards of 69 mph. The man swapped out the scooter’s standard electric motor for a 125cc motorcycle engine. He’s also eligible to set a new world record for fastest mobility scooter but the Guinness folks say he can’t alter the appearance of the scooter. The plumber-turned-mad scientist says that the biggest problem with that is the scooter tends to get twitchy and hard to control as it gets up in speed. Well, at least when he retires, he’ll be the coolest pensioner in the old folks’ home. Continue reading

Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

A woman in Montana has discovered the top secret way to fend off a bear attack: Bash it with a zucchini. The woman was woken by a raucous in her backyard and found her dog fighting with a small black bear. She tried to intervene by screaming at the bear but that just got it to charge at her. So to fend off the bear, she grabbed the first thing in her kitchen that she could get her hands on. That happened to be a 12 inch long zucchini that she picked from her garden earlier in the day. She flung it at the bear, hit it in the head and scared the bear off. Both the woman and her dog were no worse for wear. No word if the bear made off with the vegetable for its evening snack. Continue reading

Not News of the Week

It’s time for another dose of all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

There’s nothing better than a 911 call over something ridiculous. My personal favourites are calls about McDonald’s being out of food but this one jumped to the top of the list. A man in Manitoba was arrested for calling 911 because he wanted the Winnipeg Jets back. He’s a little late on his call because the Jets moved to Phoenix in 1996. The 911 operator was willing to deal with one call from the man but when he kept calling back, despite being repeatedly disconnected, police were sent to arrest him. When the operator told the man that the police were on the way to arrest him, he said, “If you’re coming to get me, can you bring me some smokes.” Between wanting the Jets and smokes, he’s got his priorities straight. Continue reading

Not News of the Week

It’s that time of week again. It’s all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Ask any guy and they’re likely to tell you that they’d rather die than watch a Twilight movie. A man in New Zealand took this a bit too literally. A 23-year-old man was found dead following an evening screening of the new Twilight movie, Eclipse. Police aren’t immediately sure what the cause of death is but a check for fang marks, clawed scratches, and glitter turned up nothing. With any luck, they’ll ring up the producers, writers, and cast on murder charges. After all, the last two movies are definitely worth fraud and larceny charges for taking everyone’s money. Continue reading

Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be time for the Not News of the Week.

The state of California is so broke (How broke is it?) that they’re planning on switching from the traditional metal plates to electronic plates. The idea isn’t to have longer lasting, rust proof plates. The idea would be to sell advertising on the new license plates. The proposal says that the plates would display the plate number while the car is in motion. When the car is stopped for more than four seconds, an ad would scroll across the plate until the car gets back in motion. The state of California is currently battling a budget deficit of $19 million. We know Hollywood will do anything for a buck but I guess that counts for the whole state. Continue reading

Not News of the Week

After a lengthy hiatus, it’s the return of all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Move over Plaxico Burress. A man in Washingon has just had a worse incident of shooting yourself because your handgun slid out from under the waistband of your belt. The man was in a Lowe’s Home Improvement store in Lynwood, Washington, when his gun accidentally discharged. Unlike the incarcerated NFL star who shot himself in the leg, things were much worse for this man. His gun shot him in the testicles. Police haven’t released any details on how the man’s boys are doing but even a close call would be ridiculously traumatizing. Continue reading

Not News of the Week

Just because it’s a statutory holiday doesn’t mean that we can’t bring you the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. After a short delay, it’s time for the Not News of the Week.

The never-ending saga of the British woman who ran afoul of the law because she has loud sex is back in court. She’s had an ASBO (Anti-Social Behaviour Order) for the last four years and was handed a suspended suspension for repeated violations in January. In late March, she and her husband had a quickie on Sunday morning but that was enough for her neighbours to ring the local constabulary. She was arrested and arraigned but as part of her bail arrangement, she has to stay in a special “bail house” so she stays away from her husband so they don’t have loud sex. She has a solid defence though. She says that they were only going at it for ten minutes instead of their usual two hour marathons. Still, I have to wonder why she’s the one getting in trouble when it’s her husband’s fault that he’s so good. Continue reading

Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

A Scottish man was fined £600 for assaulting a police officer. Police were called to hid home because he was very, very drunk. When police got there, the man dropped his pants, whipped out his penis and thrust it in the face of a policewoman. According to the police report, she ducked out of the way of the flailing penis just before it hit her. How they got into a position where the man could almost hit the officer in the face with his penis, no one will ever know. However, the guy must be disappointed. His reputation could have gotten a huge boost from a conviction for assault with a deadly weapon. Continue reading