The Best of My Life Is Average

For the third time, it’s time to look at another great website on the interweb that helps you through your day. This one is My Life is Average. Unlike F My Life and Texts From Last Night, this one is a bit more relatable to everyone because most people actually have an average life and some of the stories on the website are the sort of thing that regularly happen to people.

(All stories contained in this post should be considered sic’d.)

Today I ate a tootsie pop. It took 473 licks to get to the tootsie roll center. You’re welcome world. MLIA

Today, as I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, “Me too.” MLIA.

Today, I was in a store pretending to be a mannequin. I saw a little girl running around as her mom tried to leave, yelling, “I haven’t said goodbye to everyone!” She proceeded to run down the line of mannequins, hugging them all. When she got to me, I hugged her back. I’ve never heard anyone scream so hard. MLIA

Today , I went to the new Harry Potter movie with a friend . At the part where Dumbledore died , a man close to the front row yelled “NO!” and ran out the emergency exit door . It made my day . MLIA .

Today, I died from not passing on a chain mail. This is the 117th time this has happened. MLIA.

Today, I had to choose between a strawberry flavored Dum Dum and a mystery flavored Dum Dum. I decided to be adventurous and choose the mystery flavor; it was strawberry flavored. MLIA

Today, I drank Kool-Aid. A giant pitcher of juice did not break into my home. MLIA.

Today, I saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was stupid idea but I couldn’t change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn’t want my arms to get cold. MLIA

Today, the whole world came crashing down on me, so I got some tape and stuck the map back onto the wall. MLIA

Today I came up with a great comeback, for an argument I had a week ago. MLIA

Today, I met a girl named Unique. She has an identical twin sister. No one else thought it was funny. MLIA.

Today, I wore Axe body spray. I wasn’t tackled by any women. MLIA.

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She yelled out the name Tommy. My name is Tommy. MLIA

Today, my teacher saw me texting under the desk and grabbed my phone. She didnt grab my penis. MLIA.

Today, I fell and landed on a really cute guy while on the subway. This did not lead me to find my soul mate, or end with us giving high fives. It was just awkward. MLIA

Today, I decided to tan on the balcony. I took my top off and my neighbor came out and saw me. He’s a guy. So am I. We greeted each other. MyLifeIsAverage.

Today I realized that for every story on this website about yelling out a Harry Potter spell and having a complete stranger respond, there’s probably a ton where no one responded and it became extremely awkward. I learned that in the elevator today. MLIA

Today, I realized that if all those “Find Out Who’s Creepin On Your Profile” apps work, I’m screwed. MLIA.

Today, I put my iPod on shuffle. I skipped most of the songs to get to the ones I like. MLIA

Today I installed a program and it asked if I had read and agreed to the terms and conditions. I hadn’t, but I clicked ‘yes’ anyway. The program didn’t know I lied, and began to install. MLIA.

Today I won a million dollars, but I closed out of the pop-up anyway. MLIA

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