Not News of the Week

It’s time for another edition of the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the not news of the week.

If you thought Snakes on a Plane was a fictional movie, you’d be wrong. A Jordanian pet shop owner inadvertently recreated the movie on a flight from Cairo to Kuwait. The man snuck an Egyptian cobra (also called an Asp) on the plane in his carry-on bag. The problem was that he couldn’t control the snake. It bit him and slithered away through the plane under the seats. The plane had to make an emergency landing to get rid of the snake. It was a bit safer than Samuel L. Jackson’s preferred snake extraction method of opening some fucking windows.

Since I’m obligated to say it: Enough is enough! I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane! What? Were you expecting something else?

The old saying about how it’s not how old you are, it’s how old you feel seems to apply to a lot of things. That includes drinking and driving. A Newfoundlander seems to have set an unofficial record for being the oldest person to get a DUI at 90 years young. Police in St. John’s pulled over the man who was driving erratically on a Sunday night. He refused to take a breathalyzer test citing his age. So police have run him up on charges of impaired driving and refusing a breathalyzer test. I wonder if he’ll get leniency for being old.

If you’re planning a vacation to Serbia in the near future, you might want to pack some garlic and holy water. The village of Zarozje is on high alert after the local council warned residents that Serbia’s most famous vampire, Sava Savanovic, has awakened and is in the woods near the village. The villagers were told to carry garlic in their pockets and hang crosses in their home to ward off the vampire. While it’s expected that tourist are expected to visit Zarozje, they should be careful. Five people have died their in quick succession. The only explanation? Vampire.

An adult film company is making it its mission to put the sex back in sex-ed. A San Francisco based porn website will be offering a special kind of sex-ed class with live in-class demonstrations. According to porn star and sex-ed teacher Rain DeGrey, “They have to sit through a lecture before we get to the good stuff. We do techniques, physical response and have a question and answer period before moving on to the demonstrations.” Somehow, I can see this class being popular.

Some people are bigger Bond fans than I. Their ranks include a 28-year-old British woman formerly known as Emma-Louise Hodges. She legally changed her name to Pussy Galore Honey Rider Solitaire Plenty O’Toole May Day Xenia Onatopp Holly Goodhead Tiffany Case Kissy Suzuki Mary Goodnight Jinx Johnson Octopussy Domino Moneypenny. Her new name is 24 words long and incorporates 14 Bond girls. Don’t worry if you can’t remember all that, though. She plans to go by Miss Moneypenny.

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