Not News of the Week

It’s time for another edition of the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the not news of the week.

The Republicans might be complaining about the new law stating that health insurance providers must pay for contraception but they wouldn’t if they saw this story from Arizona. When a bull is in the mood for some loving, there’s nothing you can do to stop him. A bull being led across a field decided it was in a romantic mood. The bull chased its handler and pinned the man against a police cruiser where it tried to mate with him. The man got away without having to make a walk of shame but the mounted police car received some minor damage. So maybe contraception isn’t as great an evil as the Republicans and the religious right want you to believe.

If you ever travel to Italy, don’t tell a man that he doesn’t have balls. A recent Italian Supreme Court ruling says that it’s slur to say to a man that he has no balls. This ruling stems from an incident when a justice of the peace said that one of the lawyers presenting a case (the justice’s cousin, no less) had no balls. The Supreme Court said that the saying “refers not only to the target’s lack of virility but also to his weakness of character, lack of determination, competence and coherence — virtues that, rightly or wrongly, are still identified as pertaining to the male gender.” So rather than tell an Italian that he has no balls, just accuse him of being weak of character and that he lacks confidence. Either that or make sure the guy actually has no balls.

For some reason, people like filing slightly odd lawsuits against Kim Kardashian. A recently filed lawsuit against the sex tape starlet was filed by a man who said that he was held against his will in a hotel room while Kim, ex-husband Kris Humphries, and his ex-girlfriend Myla Sinanaj made a sex tape while a sheep, two goats and a unicorn watched. He was hit in the head by Myla with a can of RC Cola and forced by Kim to watch six hours of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Then Charlie Sheen showed up with a bag of ecstasy and said “Let’s get this party started!” The only problem with that story is where did Kim find a unicorn?

A drunk man in New York tried to sneak into a concert at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center but failed to after slipping down an embankment and requiring rescue by the Saratoga Springs Fire Department. How do we know, aside from the obvious, that the man was drunk? Well, the concert he was trying to sneak into was a Nickelback concert. Falling into a gorge to avoid a Nickelback concert is perfectly acceptable. Falling into a gorge to sneak into a Nickelback concert is grounds to be committed to a mental institution.

People have tried a lot of things to get out of exams and papers at school but I don’t think anyone tried what a Brazilian university student did. The student wasn’t finished her dissertation in time for the deadline so she did what anyone would to get the deadline extended: She faked her own kidnapping. The student told police that she had been abducted by three men and held for 24 hours before managing to escape. In reality, she spent the day at a friend’s house. Usually when I’m screwed for a project, I pull an all-nighter. It must have been an all-nighter to plan this out.

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