The Humanoids: Big Effing Deal

It’s a late and abbreviated version of The Humanoids this week. That doesn’t mean that we aren’t tackling the biggest fucking deals in the world this week. Whether it’s dropping F-bombs, dropping bombshells or just bombing, it’s in this week’s column. A lot of stuff is happening at Lowdown HQ this week including the biggest fucking deal in our history: Lowdown Episode #50 which is coming this Tuesday. Of course, the fact that it’s nowhere close to being through editing is a problem. Yup, we’re completely screwed.

Joe Biden
I don’t know if you’ve heard but Joe Biden is a big fucking deal. He also thinks that Barack Obama’s health care legislation which basically guarantees health insurance for all Americans is also a big fucking deal. While I’m sure the Republicans will use this as a reason why Vice President Biden is unfit to be the next-in-line to be the leader of the free world, I think it means he’s the right man for the job. You see, a guy willing to casually drop an F-bomb is my sort of guy. I am well-known for casually dropping profanity which can easily be off-putting and possibly offensive. However, just because one uses profane language, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t smart enough to use other language. See, Joe Biden, as much as I’m sure the O’Reillys and Becks of the world would not like you to believe, is the everyman in an important political office. As a matter of fact, I bet that VP Biden’s approval rating is better than Obama’s. Now that would be a big fucking deal.

Ann Coulter
The leading lady of the American political right (not to be confused with folks like O’Reilly and Beck who have no balls but are not necessarily women) sure made an impact in Canada. Of course, anyone whose view of the world is so skewed by hatred of anything that isn’t white as a ghost is likely to make waves in Canada. We’re what sociologists like to call a mosaic. While any new immigrant that sets foot in the United States immediately considers themselves Americans, in Canada, everyone holds onto that cultural heritage. What Miss Coulter (and I don’t use that as a term of respect) doesn’t realize is that Canada is an advanced society compared to whatever her ideals would dictate is an advanced society. The Olympics in China was full of quashed protests. The Vancouver Olympics were a comparatively peaceful affair. Canadians just don’t get uppity over nothing. It’s takes an ignorant blowhard like Ann Coulter to get the national blood boiling. Of course, I could just be giving into her shtick. Maybe she’s an old school pro wrestling heel. Maybe she’s like the Iron Sheik or any one of dozens of other foreign wrestlers who think that their country is better than yours and will say dastardly things to enrage you. Either that or she’ll pull an Iron Sheik and fuck your ass to make you humble.

Head Shots
The NHL has finally gone ahead and banned blind-side hits to the head. Well, “ban” is a strong way of putting it. The head shot ban only really matters after a game. The refs can’t really do anything about a “clean” hit to the head. It’s all up to Colin Campbell. Yes, the same man who refused to cave to public pressure after Matt Cooke nearly decapitated Marc Savard. And the same man that hasn’t looked at no-touch icings as a viable option for making the game safer. The problem with the NHL’s ban on head shots is that Colin Campbell is in charge of enforcing it. There’s no guarantee that he’ll do it the right way. If he didn’t think that Cooke trying to kill a man was worth any games on general principals, then will he really do a proper job of enforcing this new rule? Of course, they go ahead and ban certain head shots and what happens? David Booth, one of the players who was an exhibit in the movement to ban head shots, gets knocked silly when hit head on. You can’t win them all, I guess.

CIS University Cup
If you knew that the Canadian university men’s hockey championship was this weekend, then you are a far bigger CIS fan than I… Or go to one of the six schools in the tournament… Or live in Thunder Bay where nothing else noteworthy actually happens. Despite the fact that I lead The Lowdown’s CIS sports coverage, I’ll admit that I completely missed that this was coming up. Part of that may have to do that I live in a city without a CIS/OUA team. The other part of that is that Canada, as a nation, seems not to be bothered with hockey if the players don’t have a chance of making the pros. I guess that’s why the CIS’ national hockey broadcaster can’t be bothered to promote any of the games they’re broadcasting. If even one person reads this article, I’ll have done more promotion for the final three games of the University Cup than Rogers Sportsnet has done on TV. Rogers local TV is the home to the OUA (as Mustangs media relations would subtly inform me because they would shove us radio folks all over the place to accommodate TV) but the Rogers mothership can’t be bothered. The CIS needs to get the exposure but if the broadcasting network doesn’t care, then it defeats the purpose.

IZOD IndyCar Series
I heard on Speed Channel’s Wind Tunnel that the IICS’ ratings for the first round of the series was up some 72% year-on-year on Versus. That’s even without DirecTV viewers having access to Versus thanks to that war with Comcast. Even more amazing is that the race started late, had an extended yellow flag early in the race, and a lengthy rain delay in the middle of the race didn’t hurt the ratings. This could mean one of two things: 1) People actually like the racing and racing alternative that IndyCar provides; or 2) (and more likely in my opinion) Danica’s move to NASCAR has opened some eyes to the world of IndyCars and brought viewers to the IICS back with her. Of course, this weekend’s race at St. Pete will be a critical one for the series. Ryan Hunter-Reay is the series great American hope and Graham Rahal is America’s next great racer. That should draw some viewers. Danica now actually has some female equals in the series, maybe she’ll be a bit more interesting that when she would out run Milk & Doughnuts (Milka Duno) and pose in SI. Imagine how big of a draw Danica could be if she actually raced.

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