The Humanoids: Ending a Long Week

It’s been a long week. For some, it’s been a pretty good week. For others, they’re happy that its the weekend. Unless you’re the Toronto Maple Leafs or a fan of them. Either way, come Saturday night, you’re going to have to drink off some of the night’s memories.

Sorry for the lack of a long spiel up top. I’ve been swamped with real work and radio/blog work. The good news is that the next episode of the radio show is next week. It’s on Tuesday at 6:30PM EDT on radio in London, ON or online here. The next episode is all about The Beatles and zombies (and the usual assorted stuff). It’s easily my favourite episode of the new season and is easily on my Top 10 list of favourite episodes.

Sergei Kostitsyn
sergei-kostitsynI’m going to sound old but I remember when he was playing for the London Knights of the OHL and he was one of the best players on the team. That sort of makes me question why I’m talking about a former NHL-regular who has walked out on his franchise’s farm team. Kostitsyn, ex- of the Montreal Canadians and the AHL’s Hamilton Bulldogs, packed his bags and left town. It turns out that he considers himself an NHLer and won’t accept anything less. He’s trying to leverage a potential career in Russia’s Kontinental Hockey League to get the Habs and coach Jacques Martin to call him up. Now, there should be a subtle clue as to who I support in that last sentence. I almost always refer to coaches as “Coach” not “coach.” I think that Martin’s ability to coach is minimal as his former charges with the Ottawa Senators and Florida Panthers will likely attest to. So, run Sergei, run! Head back to Russia until you can get out of your contract with the Habs. Then you might want to go to Toronto. From the looks of things there, they could use the help.

steve-phillips-espnDid you know that ESPN is not only the worldwide leader in sports but also the worldwide leader in extra-martial affairs that air either for working their way up the corporate ladder or for using your power to hookup with an apparently good looking production intern. Deadspin hit the stratosphere on Wednesday by posting rumours and jokes about affairs that were allegedly happening in Bristol, CT. I’m sure Jackie would think of it as Gossip Girl meets SportsCentre with Blake Lively being substituted for with Hannah Storm. From the sounds of the stories on Deadspin, everyone and their dog is getting in on the action. While that may seem like a big deal to the blogosphere and those that watch ESPN at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I don’t really care. People are fucking their way up and down the corporate ladder all over the world. As you read this, there are corporate shenanigans ongoing that could cost your stock portfolio thousands of dollars. As long as you don’t buy stock in Disney, you should be fine.

Kick For A Million
wendys-kick-for-a-millionMeanwhile, things aren’t so bad for ESPN’s Canadian sorta-subsidiary. TSN’s signature big contest is tonight at the Rogers Centre in downtown Toronto. If you kick a field goal from 50 yards out, you win $1,000,000. Sounds rather difficult but the first ever guy to kick for the million picked up the big prize… Despite missing the first three kicks for lesser prizes. I think, as I told my buddy who works for the FAN 590 radio station in Toronto, that the ball was juiced. It was Homecoming Saturday and I said that the guy was going to win the million no matter what. Everyone thinks that it’s an impossible task so what better way to get folks into Wendy’s to buy food for entries than have somebody win the big prize. I don’t know how they did it but that 50-yard ball in the first year was juiced. Nobody has come close to becoming an instant millionaire. The second that the contest gets less popular, the juiced ball comes back out.

Philadelphia Phillies
philadelphia-phillies-fanWhere to start with the now twice reigning and defending National League Champions… Well, one thing’s for sure, they’re going to have a harder go against the Yankees than the Rays. Of course, you shouldn’t tell Philly fans. They were all happy as clams after their team won their second consecutive pennant. So happy that they proceeded to riot. If there’s one thing that Philly fans are good at, it’s holding a riot… And booing things. After all, they booed Santa Claus. It’s very forgivable when you consider they also booed TBS. And the only folks that won’t be cheering for the Phillies are the cops that will have to stop the riot. They’d rather be in the middle of the riot than stopping it.

Toronto Maple Leafs
toronto-maple-leafsFrom the best (or nearly the best) team in baseball to the worst (definitely the worst) team in hockey. The Toronto Maple Leafs have the week off which I can only assume was a recent change to the schedule made by the NHL to spare us from the torture of watching the Leafs play. I’m pretty sure that the fans that are at the ACC are protected by the Geneva Convention from the torture that has been the 2009-10 Make Me Laughs. At the very least, you can say that the Make Believes have been compelling to follow. Brian Burke was supposed to be the saviour of this franchise but nothing has materialized. We all knew that the Leafs would have to go through a rebuilding phase but I don’t think anyone expected the Leafs to be dead last in the league and not have the potential 1st overall pick. It’s not happy days in the Leafs Nation. Unless you’re making Leafs jokes. What do the Leafs and a TV evangelist have in common? They each have the ability to make 20,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ!”

Kanye West
kanye-west-gay-fishAs hard as we might wish and pray that he would go away, we just can’t get that lucky. But for a few hours on Wednesday, a few glorious hours, we had been rid of him. A rumour had been circulating on Wednesday morning that Kanye had been involved in a car accident while speeding and possibly racing another car. Well, turns out that it wasn’t true. His girlfriend failed to see the humour in the whole thing and told everyone on Twitter about it. However, Twitter had the last laugh. “RIP Kanye West” was a trending topic for most of the day. The best part was what some folks tweeted: “Whoever started the RIP Kanye West hoax, Imma let you finish, but Balloon Boy had the best hoax of all time!”

Paris Hilton
paris-hiltonIn an upcoming interview on ITV2 (Think if NBC had an NBC2 channel… Actually, that would be USA wouldn’t it… Except that USA is better than NBC), Paris says that she’s not actually as big of an airhead as everyone thinks she is. Apparently, the high-pitched voice and dumb blonde behaviour is just an act that she puts on for public consumption. She fancies herself as actually fairly smart and able to keep up any of the other old men in the board room. In other words, she thinks she’s Ivanka Trump. Well, not only is she not that hot, she mustn’t be that bright if she thinks we’ll fall for that. You have to remember that the biggest business deal that she’s ever pulled off was getting money from her sextape. The smartest she’s ever sounded was in a video for Really, Paris, go back to what you’re best at. I don’t think we have to tell you what that is.


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