The National Hockey League is gearing up for another season. This year, we’ve reached the fifth season since the lockout destroyed chances that the NHL could become a mainstream sport in America. That doesn’t mean that we can’t put together a big preview. Last year, we were going to use a song to preview each team’s season on the radio show but there were some small copyrights issues that would have cost us a lot of money. Doesn’t mean that we can’t do it online. Since, I want this to be a challenge, Carolina fans won’t see “Rock You Like A Hurricane” or any other play on words songs.

Anaheim Ducks
Song: Survivor – Eye of the Tiger
Ok, I could have linked the official music video, but I think the Supernatural clip is more entertaining. Anyway back to the Ducks. The Ducks are slowly building for the future with the acquisition of Whitney, Wisniewski, Christensen and Nokelainen during the trade deadline last season. With the new young guns, they went on a hot streak through the end of the season and marched right into the semi-finals during the playoffs. Along with the solid goaltending from Jonas Hiller, the Ducks gave the Red Wings a run for their money despite losing game 7 to them. The team still have two very good goaltenders. The first two lines are a force to be reckoned with, especially with the addition of Saku Koivu and Joffrey Lupul. The Ducks might not look like the best team on paper, but never underestimate the power of the quack attack (just ask the Sharks).

Atlanta Thrashers
Song: The Nadas – I Didn’t See You Standing There
Atlanta is home to franchises from all four of the major sports leagues and two of the most popular stops on the NASCAR Sprint Cup schedule. That puts the Thrashers on the low end of the Atlanta sports spectrum. It’s quite clearly reflected by the low attendance and the subsequent lack of money put back into the team. The Hawks struggled for the longest time but came around to some level of legitimacy last season. The Thrashers won their division a couple of years back but since then have fallen to the dregs of the NHL and no one in Atlanta noticed. Hockey in Atlanta failed when the Flames were there and it’s on course to fail now.

Boston Bruins
Song: John Waite – Missing You
Okay, so only one key player actually left the team. But when you consider that Phil Kessel was the Bruins’ top goal scorer last season, it’s not exactly addition by subtraction for the B’s. Kessel and playmaker Marc Savard were a great pair last year and really drove that Bruins offense. Whether it’s Ryder, Bergeron, or Krejci that moves up to that line, they likely won’t match Phil Kessel’s output. I think the Bruins are going to regret sending Kessel out of town and burning that bridge.

Buffalo Sabres
Song: Keane – Spiralling
It’s not exactly a great thing that’s ongoing in Buffalo. Not long ago, the Sabres were considered to be a strong Stanley Cup contending team. With Briere, Drury, Afinogenov and Vanek leading the pack of explosive forwards and Ryan Miller providing some solid goaltending, many saw them going very far in the playoffs. However, Briere and Drury have left the team. Afinogenov has fizzled out. With the veteran defenseman Teppo Numminen hanging up his skates, the Sabres have taken another blow in their squad. While Roy, Vanek and Pominville continue to be solid players, they can only carry the team so far. Unfortunately for this year, it’s not going to be enough.

Calgary Flames
Song: Bowling For Soup – Almost
Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. The Flames have one of the best goal scorers, defensemen, and goalies in the league. Yet they still find ways to fail their way out of the playoffs. It’s not like they lack chemistry or anything. Conroy seems to be able to get Iggy with it on a regular basis. If everyone stays healthy, then the team has a very good chance of going far… but if things go wrong, they will go down quick. Like last season, the Flames lack depth. The team did add Jay Bo, so that will help bolster the defence, however they also added Anton Stralman. The former Leaf was best known for scoring on Vesa Toskala last season. Wait, they just traded Stralman to Columbus. Smart move, but it still doesn’t erase the fact that the Flames tend to fizzle out during the playoffs.

Carolina Hurricanes
Song: Gramercy Arms – Looking At the Sun
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. That’s the mentality that the team is sticking with. The squad remains largely unchanged with a few new additions like Tom Kostopoulos, Aaron Ward and Stephan Yelle. The Canes did make it to the conference finals before being walked all over by the Penguins last season. I suppose they’re banking on the fact that the Pens will likely flame out in the near future.

Chicago Blackhawks
Song: AC/DC – Moneytalks
The big spenders of the off-season are loading up for a charge at Lord Stanley’s chalice. Well, once Marian Hossa heals up and his contract passes an NHL investigation, they’re ready for a charge at the Cup. They also signed Tomas Kopecky and extended Cam Barker and David Bolland. Don’t expect the spending spree to end soon. They still have to extend Jonathon Towes and Patrick “20 Cent” Kane. Of course, everyone’s contract will clear investigations because, as the golden rule says, he who has the gold makes the rules.

Colorado Avalanche
Song: Massive Attack – Teardrop
So their captain retired at the end of last season after being out for most of the season thanks to back and snowblower related injuries. The star of the future was out most of last season with injury problems which doesn’t bode well for a second-year player. And the Swedish guy that’s supposed to come and help him is still battling with the foot problem that’s plagued his entire career. I’d say that the Avs are in need of some serious triage to make this team better.

Columbus Blue Jackets
Song: The Lonely Island – Who Said We’re Wack?
So the team made a quick exit during the quarter finals against the Red Wings, but the young Blue Jackets aren’t going away anytime soon. The addition of Samuel Pahlsson is a welcome sign as he brings some experience into the team. He was part of the famous checking line that helped the Ducks to the Stanley Cup back in 2007. Steve Mason will be have a year of experience under his belt which should give help him carry the team once again. Under the guidance of Ken Hitchcock, there’s nowhere for this team to go but up. Plus, how can anyone not like a team that has an amazing player like Rick Nash, bitch!

Dallas Stars
Song: The Osmonds – One Bad Apple
The Dallas Stars seemed to crash and burn thanks to the New York Rangers’ sloppy seconds, Sean Avery. We all heard about how he was a locker room cancer and destroyed the chemistry of the team. When he was suspended for the now infamous “sloppy seconds” joke, the team started to make a turn around. It wasn’t enough to make the playoffs but you thought that they just might pull it off. Now that the curse of Avery has worn off, will the curse of Marc Crawford destroy the Stars’ chances? He’s won 1 Stanley Cup in total. The hair might be perfect but the coaching record ain’t.

Detroit Red Wings
Song: Carly Simon – Nobody Does It Better
Does the song choice need any explanation? The Sporting News just named the Wings the NHL team of the decade. They only won their division each of the last 10 years, along with two Stanley Cups, four President’s Trophies, and three Western Conference championships. And surprise, surprise, the Wings are in good shape to make a run at the Cup once again. This team is just too good to count out until the final whistle.

Edmonton Oilers
Song: Queen – Somebody to Love
Nobody wants to go to Edmonton. For some reason, a storied franchise with legends like Gretzky, Messier, Coffey, Kurri, and Fuhr that has won five Stanley Cups doesn’t appeal to NHLers. And, as the Chris Pronger mess showed us, players’ wives don’t like going to Edmonton either. They’ve made plays for free agents the last few off-season but all they have after another summer is two guys on their roster whose best days are behind them (Mike Comrie and Nikolai Khabibulin). If you recall, they tried getting Marian Hossa a couple of years ago with a long-term offer but he wanted nothing to do with a rebuilding franchise. Neither did Dany Heatley who wanted out of Ottawa but not so badly that he would waive his no-trade clause to go to Edmonton. It appears the feeling about Edmonton is mutual among the rest of the league.

Florida Panthers
Song: Linkin Park – Given Up
I’ll give them credit. Getting rid of Jacques Martin was the best move that the organization has made since they made it to the Cup finals in 1996. However, giving up superstar defenseman Jay Bouwmeester the year after they gave away star forward Olli Jokinen doesn’t exactly show inspired leadership. I guess that’s the Jacque Martin legacy. He must have spent too much time watching the Marlins and thought that it’s possible to win on a budget. Clearly, the Panthers aren’t doing a good job of following that formula and have just given up on any hope of success.

Los Angeles Kings
Song: OneRepublic – Stop and Stare
That’s what all the celebrities do, anyway. The B-listers that can’t get tickets to Lakers games at the Staples Centre all go to see the Kings. Most have no idea what’s happening but they pretend that they like it. However, hockey experts like this team and I can understand why. With the exception of the goaltending, the Kings are a very exciting team to watch. They’ve stockpiled enough early round draft picks that they have a very good core of talented young players. The only problem with a young team is consistency issues. Once that is sorted out, they’re very likely to push for second in the division. Not great but a start.

Minnesota Wild
Song: Green Day – Boulevard of Broken Dreams
It was so very close to being a good franchise. They had a couple of very good players (Gaborik and Demitra), a great coach (Lemaire) and two star goalies (Fernandez and Backstrom). Of that lot, only Backstrom remains with a team that doesn’t look to be going anywhere fast. Minnesota hockey fans have been through this before where the team appeared to be on the verge of greatness only to fall well short. It’s just a series shattered dreams for Minnesota hockey fans whether it’s the Wild or the North Stars.

Montreal Canadiens
Song: The Who – Who Are You
The Habs just wrapped up their 100th Anniversary with a dud. What was supposed to be a return to glory as they celebrated the storied history of the franchise was a flop as they scraped into the playoffs and were promptly swept in four games by the arch-nemesis Boston Bruins. Gone was coach Guy Carbonneau and a number of stars including Saku Koivu, Alex Kovalev and Mike Komisarek. You’ll have to buy programs when you go to Hab games this year because new players include Scott Gomez, Brian Gionta, Mike Cammalleri, Travis Moen, Hal Gill, Jaroslav Spacek, and Paul Mara. A decent bunch of players but it reeks of a desperate attempt by GM Bob Gainey to save his job.

Nashville Predators
Song: Queens of the Stone Age – No One Knows
There’s hockey in Nashville? Actually, that’s probably less of a surprise to the people of Nashville than it was to the people of Glendale/Phoenix, Arizona. That doesn’t mean that the Preds are a big deal in Nashville. They have a cult following but still have to rely on ownership to buy tickets to boost ticket sales to levels where they qualify for revenue sharing. It’s too bad because Barry Trotz can coach a team of nobodies to a near playoff spot. That and guys like Steve Sullivan and Shea Weber are very exciting players to watch but no one in Nashville could tell you that.

New Jersey Devils
Song: AC/DC – Goodbye and Good Riddence to Bad Luck
The Devils big problem over the last two years has been trouble in the playoffs. Two years ago, Martin Brodeur met superpest Sean Avery who distracted him right out of the post-season. Last year, Brodeur was busy flopping about thanks to shootout specialist turned Brodeur specialist Jussi Jokinen. However, this year, I’m predicting a turn around. Their new coach, Jacques Lemaire, was a coach of the year winner twice and won the Cup with the Devils in 1995. If that isn’t something to spark a long playoff run, nothing is.

New York Islanders
Song: Arcade Fire – No Cars Go
While a lot has been made over the Phoenix situation, the Isles are the latest team to be exploring the possibility of relocation. They played a pre-season game in Kansas City to show they were serious about relocating the team if they don’t get funding to build a new arena. It’s worth noting that no franchise has relocated after winning a Stanley Cup. Maybe the folks there knew that fact which explained why the arena was at half capacity. Ironically for Isles owner Charles Wang, that’s about the same percentage of seats that he sells on Long Island. But they do have #1 pick John Tavares on the squad. Will that make them a playoff contender? Not even close.

New York Rangers
Song: Anti-Flag – This Is The End (For You My Friend)
Can you name any superstars on the Rangers this year? Over the last couple of years, they’ve signed a bunch of underachieving players and added another one with the signing of Marian Gaborik. He’s showed signs of brilliance in Minnesota but was injury prone and inconsistent. They traded Scott Gomez for Chris Higgins but he’s not going to be able to replace Gomez any time soon. They don’t look to have what it takes to contend for a playoff spot this season. I wonder if this means that they are going to finally rid themselves of GM Glen Sather who hasn’t done much to make this a championship contender.

Ottawa Senators
Song: Edwyn Collins – Low Expectations
They sent their best player to San Jose for a guy that had one good season (Cheechoo) and a third line guy (Michalek). They also signed Alex Kovalev who can’t decide if he’s coming or going most of the time. Sens fans can delude themselves into believing that this is an improvement over Heatley but it’s just bitterness. This season looks like a sure fire run at the #1 overall draft pick. Of course, with the Sens’ history of #1 picks, maybe they should try to lose the draft lottery. Something tells me they won’t have trouble losing things this season.

Philadelphia Flyers
Song: Three 6 Mafia – It’s A Fight
They thought the days of Philly’s famed Broad Street Bullies had long since passed. This season’s version of the Flyers might be a throwback. Their biggest off-season acquisitions were Chris Pronger and Ray Emery. Neither of those guys exactly have a reputation as Lady Byngers. Add in fellow gentlemanly players like Dan Carcillo, Riley Cote, and Arron Asham and you have a team that will literally beat the opposition into submission every night.

Phoenix Coyotes
Song: Willie Nelson – On The Road Again
The move is inevitable. Whoever thought that hockey would be sustainable in the world’s biggest retirement community (the state of Arizona) must have been smoking some awful strong shit. I think that Florida was better idea for hockey and I originally thought that hockey in Florida was the dumbest idea the NHL ever had. At least there are Canadians in Florida to watch hockey. The Coyotes have no such luxury. Now the only question is will they go to Lax Vegas or Hamilton?

Pittsburgh Penguins
Song: Airbourne – Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast
The defending Stanley Cup champions are in fairly good position to repeat. They didn’t anyone significant but they haven’t lost anyone either. The only problem with a team that remains fairly stagnant in the off-season is that all the other teams are working to get better. They’re still a good team will a ton of upside in the future. We’ll just have to play the wait-and-see game to see if maintaining the status quo is the right way to go. If you listened to last night’s radio show, you know that I’m not sold on their plan.

San Jose Sharks
Song: Metallica – The Day That Never Comes
I think the song choice is pretty self explanatory. They’ve had no real success in the NHL. Sure, they’ve only been in existence for 18 seasons but since the lockout, the guys that actually get paid to analyze hockey consider them a perennial contender. They were almost on the money last season when the Sharks were the best regular season team… And were then promptly bounced from the playoffs in the first round. They have a history of choking and unless they get over that, it’ll be a long time before they can get a conference finals birth, let alone win a Cup.

St. Louis Blues
Song: Taylor Swift – The Outside
So the big question this season is: will Paul Kariya remain healthy this season? Ok, so he wouldn’t have saved the team from being trampled by the Canucks, but at least it would have made an interesting first round matchup. Under Andy Murray, the team did manage to jump from dead last to 6th in the conference. Could there be a repeat performance again? The squad remains fairly intact, so why not? However, they weren’t good enough to win it all last time… what makes you think they will this time around? It’s likely that they will still be on the outside looking in.

Tampa Bay Lightning
Song: War – Why Can’t We Be Friends
The story of the off-season in Tampa hasn’t been Steve Stamkos’ late-season hot streak or not drafting John Tavares. It was the on-going war between owners Len Barrie and Oren Koules. Both are ex-hockey players and think that they both know best. That’s led to Gary Bettman intervening in their little feud and giving each of them a timetable to buy the other out. Meanwhile, the team stagnates and is a strong contender for a number one draft pick.

Toronto Maple Leafs
Song: The Beatles – Getting Better
I have to admit, it’s getting better. The Leafs are getting better all the time. But could it get any worse? Make Believes fans have to admit the Brian Burke is the right man to have the keys to the team to turn it around. Sure, he probably drafted the wrong guy at #7 but he did sign two good defensemen in Mike Komisarek and Francois Beauchemin. I’d say things are getting better for Make Me Laughs this season.

Vancouver Canucks
Song: Michael Buble – Quando Quando Quando
Tell me when Lu will be fine. Quando, quando, quando? Luongo is a very good goalie but he can’t seem to find a full season’s worth of consistency. He’s usually a slow starter but that’s something the Canuckleheads can’t afford given their poor looking defence. The experts said that Luongo collapsed in the playoffs but I would say that’s a large exaggeration. He was only bad in the semi-finals against the Blackhawks. He was the star the rest of the season and they wouldn’t have made the playoffs without him. However, this team will only be able to succeed when Luongo is absolutely flawless. There won’t be any success until then even though they’ve been so close the last few years.

Washington Capitals
Song: The Beatles – Back In The U.S.S.R.
I could be wrong but I’m pretty confident that the Caps have more Russians on their squad than any other team in the NHL. If the Ruskies make good on their threat to walk out en masse in 2014 to play in the Olympics, the Caps will be hurt the most. Hell, if the Red Army still had a squad, guys like Backstrom, Semin, Ovechkin, and Varlamov would be among the stars.

(Thanks to Jackie for the big assist on at least 10 of the above.)