Not News of the Week

Every week, there are stories that won’t make the headlines, take up weeks of coverage on CNN, or have people buzzing at the water cooler. These are the stories that aren’t worth talking about. This is the Not News of the week.

The city of Toronto can be glad that they don’t have to put up with garbage men this stuck up about procedure while they’re all on strike. A British garbage man refused to collect one man’s garbage can because it was placed three inches too far to the right and not sitting square on the sidewalk. The same man found his garbage uncollected two weeks later because there was a crumpet in his recycling bin. I guess that British garbage men are the only ones who have an appreciation for Feng Shui.

The Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest is biggest show in the world of competitive eating. But before the big show, Major League Eating and Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey put together an inter-species eating battle between humans and elephants. Despite each being world champions in one eating discipline or another, the humans were massacred by the pachyderms in the six minute hot dog bun eating contest. Team Humanity (Eric Booker, Juliet Lee, Tim Brown) downed only 143 buns while Team Pachyderm (Bunny, Suzie, Minnie) stuffed in 505 buns. That loss marks a black day in the history of humanity and we should all hang our heads in shame.

Speaking of the Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest, we had another record set in the battle between Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi. The all-American hero, Joey Chestnut, downed 68 hot dogs and buns during the 10 minute contest to best his previous record of 66. Kobayashi could only manage 64.5 over the same span to hand Chestnut his third consecutive Mustard Belt. For the record, Joey Chestnut also holds the world records in macaroni and cheese eating with 5 kg in 7 minutes and 188 jalapeno peppers in 10 minutes. Ever wonder if there are performance enhancing substances available for competitive eaters?

Air New Zealand has found a new way to get passengers to watch their safety videos on 737 flights. They have a flight crew present all the safety info while wearing nothing but body paint. Despite the attention grabbing “wardrobe,” you can’t actually see anything due to the use of camera angles and strategically located safety paraphernalia. The video is on YouTube and has gone viral. When I watched on Sunday morning, it had nearly 3 million views. Sadly for most airline passengers, this video is only on domestic flights.

Many British villages have been forced to call off their summer fairs because of all the red tape they have to go through. The fairs are organized and run by crews of volunteers. As dedicated as these volunteers are, they have little desire to go through all the paperwork to get the over 15 different licenses, legal agreements, forms and certificates needed to run a fair. If one of the required licenses isn’t complete or is violated, the organizer could be fined £20,000 or put in prison for 6 months. If there is an accident, the village could be on the hook for a large sum of money if the insurance agreement was violated somewhere along the way. The cost and time required to jump through all the legal hoops is just too much for most villages to put up with so the summer fair is going the way of the dodo.

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