Well, this was an odd week. A Malaysian airliner has disappeared off the face of the earth and no one knows where it is and whether it actually crashed or not. Things in Crimea could spark a war because neither Russia nor NATO want to back down over this farcical “referendum.” Basically, I’m rebuilding the bunker again. It’s been a while since I mentioned that, hasn’t it?

Anyway, I think Jackie focused on the wrong movie star at the start of his ELO. He has Kristen Bell. I have Scarlett Johansson.

The Crimean referendum is a farce and doesn’t give voters an option to not vote to join Russia. Good luck having anyone besides Russia consider this a legitimate exercise in democracy. (Reuters via Huffington Post)

Former Ukrainian President Victor Yanukovych didn’t just up and run away. He planned his departure well in advance. (Kyiv Post)

A former Politico writer explains what it’s like going from covering a Presidential campaign to being thrown into the depths of retail hell. (The Atlantic)

Sound the alarm bell at GOP HQ, Millenials aren’t right-leaning and not as blindly patriotic as their ancestors. A couple of fictitious wars and political gridlock will do that to people. (CNN)

Don’t tell the GOP but a woman who was found mummified and believed to be dead since 2008 voted in the 2010 election. Clearly, either the experts were wrong or she’s cursed. (Detroit Free Press)

And don’t tell the GOP that Sarah Palin is actually the equivalent to some sort of mix between a political carny and a bad joke. (Esquire)

So, it looks like that lost Malaysian Airlines flight may not have crashed but was intentionally diverted with the communication systems, including the transponder, intentionally deactivated. (Al Jazeera America)

I give out about reporters being shit a lot but entertainment reporters at the Oscars are just the worst. (Chicago Tribune)

A report out of Queen’s University says that the country of Romania is suing the school over its use of the national colours. I haven’t seen this report independently verified by another outlet so take that for what you will. Also, as a Western alum, fuck Queen’s. (QTV)

I’ve never played D&D though my coworkers assume that I’m all over anything D&D, Warhammer 40K and similar stuff they see on Big Bang Theory and assume I’m the exact same as the characters on the show… Sorry, where was I? Oh, right. Inside a D&D game with a D&D virgin. (Good Bull Hunting)

Here’s a shocker: @UberFacts can be wrong. Tell me something new about a random Twitter feed. (BuzzFeed)

Speaking of Twitter, who is the funniest person on it? It might just be Nancy Grace… Well, as long as you don’t take her seriously. (VICE) Coincidentally, Nancy Grace was one of the inspirations behind my column about a new “guilty until proven innocent” attitude toward society. (The Lowdown Blog)

I forgot that Michael Rooker was in Days of Thunder and other things wrong with that movie in nine minutes.