Not News of the Week

It’s time for another edition of the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the not news of the week.

Most men have a little trouble getting going when they’re drunk but a man from Blackburn must now wish that he had that problem. The Weekly World News says that a man was so drunk that he had sex with a snowman and ended up getting a frostbitten penis for his troubles. He got lucky, though, because he still has his penis. If he returns to the scene of the crime, neighbourhood residents say they will exact revenge on behalf of the violated snowman. That would be adding injury to… well, injury.

If you’re planning a robbery, you should have a getaway plan in place before you show up. A Florida man robbed a convenience store but forgot about the getaway car. So he went to a nearby supermarket to call his mom for a ride home. Before his mom could pick him up, the man got his ride… from the police. We’re less than a month into the year and I think we already have our worst crime fail of the year.

Don’t believe in magic? You might want to change that opinion. An explosion at a witch doctor’s home in Zimbabwe left five people dead and 12 houses damaged but that’s not the interesting part of the story. It’s that there was no evidence of explosives or accelerants at the witch doctor’s house that would explain why the explosion happened. Villagers believed that the witch doctor summoned lightning which resulted in the explosion and that there were no man-made factors in the explosion. Now that’s real magic. Suck it, Criss Angel.

More evidence that video games are corrupting society: You can buy hitmen in video games to assassinate people. I’m not talking some Hitman or Assassin’s Creed type stuff. I mean that a Chinese man hired some professional video game hitmen to kill his son’s online avatar so he’d stop playing games and find a job. Hiring virtual hitmen? More evidence that video games are getting more realistic.

Are you drunk who lives in rural parts of County Kerry in Ireland? Good news! The county council is allowing you to drink and drive so you don’t feel isolated because you live too far away from the nearest pub to get a cab home. They also say that nobody gets killed by drunk drivers on rural roads so the mental health benefits of going out and getting hammered to prevent depression outweighs the risk of drunk driving. The question I have out of this is: Ireland has a drinking and driving law?


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