Another week, another dose of all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s the Not News of the Week.

There are lots of ways to piss off your dealer but making him look like an idiot is probably the worst way of doing it. A man in Wichita, Kansas, bought a couple hundred dollars worth of cocaine from his dealer with Monopoly money. It took the dealer a couple of weeks to realize that he had been duped in the worst possible way. The dealer invited his client over and his posse laid a beatdown. The man got away but ran into the cops to whom he told his story. Now, it looks like everyone involved in this escapade will be arrested because the police say that the unusual circumstances doesn’t make it a get out of jail free card.

The recent cellphone ban should be expanded to cover the use of more things after a recent crash on a Florida Highway. A woman was shaving south of the equator while driving and it led to a two-car crash. Well, she wasn’t exactly driving. She did hand off the wheel to her passenger who steered while riding shotgun. To make matters worse for the woman, she was driving with a suspended license after being convicted of DUI the day before. After hitting the other car, the woman carried on for another half-mile before switching seats with her passenger. They could have gotten away with it but the passenger airbag deployed and the driver’s didn’t which meant telltale marks on the passenger’s chest gave it all away. So remember kids, texting and driving is bad but shaving and driving is worse.

When you rob a store, it’s generally not a good idea to go back the next day. A Florida man robbed a convenience store of about $70 of scratch tickets. He played them and found out that he won $50 so he went back to the store the very next day to claim his winnings. However, the clerk at the store that day recognized the man from his description so tricked him into showing her his driver’s license. She took down the thief’s info, gave him the money to play him for a fool, and called the police. Nothing much more to say about that except that it’s a total robbery fail.

Disney, the movie studio best known for putting subliminal messages into its movie to corrupt youths, have gone all politically correct. Well, it’s not politically correct for the sake of fairness but for the sake of marketing. Disney is working on a 3D version of Rapunzel to be released in November. However, it won’t be called Rapunzel. Instead, the movie will be known as Tangled. The studio’s thinking is that Tangled was a more “gender-neutral” name for the movie that wouldn’t alienate boys. They blame the box office failure of their recent release The Princess And The Frog on the fact that boys thought it was a girls’ movie. Maybe it was the fact that it had one week to itself before being decimated by Avatar.

While the ridiculous celebrity lawsuit focus is squarely on Lindsay Lohan, there is another one before the courts. A former model is suing NBC Universal after an old picture of her was used in the movie Couples Retreat. Her problem wasn’t her appearance but the context of it because Jon Favreau’s character was having a wank while looking at it. Despite signing a general release for the picture before the original photoshoot, the model said she never thought her pictures would be used for “self-affection” and in a “quasi-pornographic context.” I’m sure all models are well aware that the sole purpose of their photo shoots are to sell swimwear and for the betterment of mankind. Since that’s the case, get Hugh Hefner a Nobel Peace Prize.