Not News of the Week

It’s time again for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s the Not News of the Week.

A woman in Chicago has filed a $50,000 lawsuit against a Chucky Cheese restaurant after being hit in the head but a two-ounce air hockey puck. In her court papers, the woman says that Chucky Cheese failed to warn her of the dangers of sitting at a table near the air hockey table, failed to provide adequate protection from the dangers of air hockey, and failed to control the patrons at the air hockey table. At first, I thought that this was a laughable lawsuit but there might be merit to it. If she actually thinks she can win this lawsuit, clearly she suffered some brain damage.

A railway bridge that runs through Castleford, England, has recently been the subject of controversy over its name. The bridge has been known as Tickle Cock Bridge since the old Victorian days in England. However, a village councillor recently decided that the bridge’s name wasn’t appropriate anymore. She rechristened the bridge Tittle Cott and had a plaque erected to that effect. However, you can’t mess with tradition without getting mass complaints. Townsfolk complained that they were more offended by the new name than the old one and when council meetings were overrun with people demanding the name be changed back, Castleford council had no choice or they’d face a riot. Not that Tickle Cock could be at all construed as offensive.

A while back, we had a story about a woman whose car was stolen during a first date. Well, it turns out that one-night stands aren’t exempt from theft either. A woman was having a quickie in her apartment with a guy she just met when he pulled a knife on her. And, no, it was before or after, it was in the middle of having sex, he decided to rob her. He made off with $40 and a Blackberry. So basically, it’s a reverse of the old wives’ tale where the guy meets a woman and wakes up missing a kidney. Given that story, she probably was lucky. If the roles were reversed, a Crackberry is replaceable, a kidney… Not so much.

The old adage is that video games rot your brain but one job that really needs brains actually needs video games. A recent study showed that doctors who played video games for at least three hours a week were better at laparoscopic surgery than doctors who didn’t play games. Laparoscopic surgery is a sort of remote surgery where doctors use a pair of joysticks to control robotic surgery tools. Doctors that game made 37% fewer mistakes and completed surgeries 27% faster than non-gamers. So, kids, if your mom ever complains that you’re playing too many games, tell her you’re practising for your future career in remote micro-surgery. They all want you to be doctors so you’re off the hook.

Everybody wants to be famous for something. I don’t think that I’d want to be well known for what a Nepalese man is, though. An 18-year-old man from Nepal is flying to Europe to be certified for the Guinness World Record for the world’s shortest man. He’s only 56 cm tall (22 inches) which would give him the record by a whole centimetre. (For our readers using the imperial system of measure, an inch is about 2.54 centimetres.) The man and his father are flying into Italy for a talk show appearance where it is likely that he will be confirmed as one of Italy’s tallest men.

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