It’s all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s the weird, wacky and wonderful Not News of the Week. All of this week’s stories have to do with money. After all, cash is king.

Two former advertising executives have written a book that puts a monetary value to things that make you happy but don’t actually cost you any money. It seems generally pointless but there are some interesting things in there. For example, the words “I love you” are worth £163,424. While that is considerably more than what I paid for my last mail order bride, the good news is that you aren’t likely to see anyone run away for that cash. Also, I’m sure you’ll help yourself if you say that your girlfriend’s love is worth more than that. I guess this week is the not news and love advice of the week.

Speaking of advertising, jobs are tough to come by given the horrible economy but Best Buy has a new one for the Senior Manager of Emerging Media Marketing. In addition to all the standard education, skills, and experience criteria, applicants must have been a blogger for at least one year and have 250 Twitter followers. This makes Best Buy the first company to use Twitter followers as a job criterion. Sadly, I’m 196 followers short of qualifying for the job. Interestingly, Best Buy is really into Twitter. They recently used Twitter as a live-blog of their annual shareholder meeting.

A couple in their 50s thought they had a fool-proof way to make a few bucks. They were going to cash in on a £100,000 jackpot for anyone that could pick all six winners at a greyhound racing track. The couple played every single combination of winners possible to guarantee victory which cost them £46,656. But sometimes when you win, you still lose and badly. They did hit jackpot but they weren’t the only ones. Two other lucky gamblers also picked all six winners to split the pot three ways. That meant that each got a share of the pot totalling £33,703. While two people were planning their spending, the couple were probably crying into their beers. That split left them with a loss of about £13,000.

I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Pope Benedict XVI had a slip and fall in the bathroom of his vacation home. Well some nuns heard about it and decided that they had to drive up to see him. However, in their excitement to check on His Holiness, they were pulled over by the police for doing 120 mph. The police weren’t impressed with the nuns explanation so they fined the driver €375 and suspended her licence for one month. To add insult to poverty, a police spokesman suggested the Sister should confess her bad driving the next time she goes to confession. The nun isn’t going to ask for forgiveness. Instead, she’s going to court to contest the fine. I guess that’s one way to turn the other cheek.

A drug mule that flew into Manchester from Jamaica with £83,000 of cocaine concealed in her golf clubs. She would have gotten away with it if she knew anything about golf. When customs authorities asked her about her handicap, she replied “I’m not disabled.” She also didn’t understand other important golfing concepts like the fairway and a birdie. At least the guy who tried smuggling coke as a leg cast had a broken leg. This women didn’t even try.