The Best of My Life Is Average

It’s been a long time since we last did an entry in our long ongoing series that we called the best of the interweb. (Well, the interweb that is outside of The Lowdown Blog.) For this return, I thought we should go back to one of our old favourite sites for more of the best stories from My Life is Average. I like this site because it’s a bit more relatable to everyone’s average lives and some of the stories on the website are the sort of thing that regularly happen to people. That doesn’t mean that these stories aren’t funny.

(All stories contained in this post should be considered sic’d.)

Today, I was writing a paper for history and I only spelled one word wrong. What was the word? My last name. MLIA

Many other kids at my school are spending their summer partying, going out with friends, and possibly drinking or doing drugs. I have done nothing but write in my room and watch animated movies on Netflix. MLIA.

Today, an unknown person texted me. We had a four-hour conversation about the evolution of waffles. MLIA

Today, me and my friend had a 1 hour 40 minute long conversation debating how people can talk for so long without running out of topics. I think we found out answer. MLIA.

My brother was complaining about our drippy faucet so my dad told him to look up the faucet’s spout to see if he could see the problem. While my brother was looking my dad turned on the faucet at full blast and walked away. MLIA

My family was out to dinner at a steakhouse. My dad always orders thousand island dressing for his salad, but today he asked if he could borrow some of my sister’s ranch. She said, “Okay – wait, ew, are you going to mix them? Gross!” Just as a waiter approached our table, my dad shouted, “Yes! THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH CROSS-DRESSING.” I love my dad. MLIA

Today, I was driving my Grandma to lunch with my family. While I was driving she told me to slow down, because she once got a ticket on the road we were on in 1973. MLIA

I like to play rock, paper, scissors with other people in the cars next to me whenever I’m at a red light or in traffic. Today I played with a grandma who beat me 4 rounds in a row. MLIA

Today, I saw a very large man driving a very small car. Behind him was a very large truck being driven by a very small man. MLIA

Today in Cosco my friend hid behind the sheds and tried to scare a little boy by jumping out and yelling ‘Boo!’ The boy who looked no older than 5 or 6 then retorted ‘Someday you’ll clean the pool in my mansion’ and walked away licking his ice cream. MLIA

Today I was walking and I saw a twenty-dollar bill on the ground with a string on it. I picked it up and the string broke and then I heard someone from behind a building say “ahhh fidle sticks.” That made my day. OLIA

Today a student was expelled from school because he had been pretending to not speak English for the last 8 months. This means he never did any assignments or tests and was barely participating in his subjects. Anyway, our school had to come together for a special assembly last week and the teacher presenting made a Doctor Who reference and said “We bid farewell to the 11th doctor, David Tennant.” and this ‘foreign’ kid stood up and pulled out a sonic screwdriver and said “IT WAS MATT SMITH.” and the teacher just stood there open-mouthed and some little kid at the front was like “who is that?” and the boy said, in plain English, “I’m the Doctor.” and made the Tardis noise as he ran out of the auditorium. Just as I made a friend he got expelled from school. MLIA.

Today, I found out that my LED sonic screwdriver needs a screwdriver to open the battery compartment. MLIA

Today I read, “Today I was in blockbuster, and saw a little girl pick up ‘The Hannah Montana Movie’. I was disappointed until I saw her set it in the horror section screaming THERE! MLIA” and then I saw this, “Today I was in blockbuster and I found the Hannah Montana movie in the horror section. It seemed appropriate. MLIA” I find this hilarious. Because I’m the clerk and I witnessed all of this. MLIA

Today i tried the google vs. yahoo challenge. I typed ‘i hate it when you’ and yahoo gave me ‘i hate it when you get headaches’ and google gave me ‘i hate it when you walk out of your house and a giraffe kicks you in the balls’. i think we all know who won.

Today, my boyfriend told me that since his browser defaults to Bing, he literally searches Google on Bing to pull up Google. MLIA

My German Shepard has learned to hug… without the obligatory humping! MLIA

Today at Goodwill, I sat on a couch waiting while my Aunt was shopping. A cute guy came over and said, “Since you’re sitting there, I’ll have to put a price tag on you.” I said “Go ahead” But he only smiled and walked away. MLIA.

Today, I noticed that the stories here were getting more average. This made me happy. Then I made a sandwich. MLIA.

Today, I woke up and was still alive. MLIA.

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