Not News of the Week

It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Today’s only in America story: A Washington man ordered a flat-screen TV on and was surprised to receive a semi-automatic assault rifle instead. The TV was purchased from a third-party seller through Amazon but the man ended up with a military-style SIG Sauer SIG716 assault rifle that was supposed to go to a Pennsylvania gun shop instead. He couldn’t even return the gun because to Amazon because it was illegal for the man to actually possess that weapon or transport it by car in DC. Yes, only in America is it that easy to buy a high-powered killing machine.

Just when you thought Richard Branson had the mortgage on insane billionaire antics, an Aussie business man has him trumped. Billionair Clive Palmer is planning to clone dinosaurs from fossilized DNA to create a Jurassic Park-style area at his resort complex in Coolum, Australia which is on the Sunshine Coast north of Brisbane. He’s even started discussions with the people who cloned Dolly the sheep to get it done. I can’t see what could possibly go wrong. It’s not like dinosaurs killed all but a handful of people on the original Jurassic Park.

An Oklahoma City man should keep in mind that the drinking age in America is 21. I say that because after being arrested for public intoxication, the man identified himself as pop sensation Justin Bieber who is 18-years-old and below the legal drinking age in both American and his usually self-ignored homeland of Canada. It turns out that the man was 48-year-old Ken Gunn. Not only was he arrested for public intoxication but giving false information as well. At least he wasn’t arrested for drinking as a minor.

When people tell you to get a room, you really should get a room. A couple in Kansas were  arrested for having an intimate encounter inside Hutchinson, Kansas, in full view of other customers. The couple even went out of their way to shoplift some K-Y lubricant prior to getting it on in the story. The shocking thing is that both were sober when this happened. At least drunk people have the decency to find a cheap motel.

Even what seems like an ingenious way to smuggle drugs doesn’t always work. A man tried to board a flight from Los Angeles International Airport to Japan with 45 full-sized Snickers bars in his luggage. However, they weren’t Snickers bars but meth coated in a chocolate-like substance to make it look like they were Snickers bars. In total, the man was smuggling four pounds of meth dressed up as chocolate bars. I guess the outcome wasn’t so sweet for him after all.

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