Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

The Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas can be accused of many things but one thing it can’t be accused of is false advertising. Recently, a woman in her 40s suffered a heart attack at the restaurant while eating a Double Bypass Burger, smoking cigarettes and drinking a margarita. Two months earlier, a man had a heart attack while eating a Triple Bypass Burger. Both survived their meals at the Heart Attack Grill but that might be the first time anyone hoped for false advertising.

There are many dastardly things that you can do in Tennessee but the worst is skimping on onions on McDonald’s cheeseburgers. Two customers were dissatisfied with their drive-thru cheeseburgers so they made a return visit after some contemplation and beers. Their complaint was in the form of a chunk of concrete through the drive-thru window and a brick through the front window. Their getaway was worse. One of the men tried to flee on foot but was so drunk he tripped over his own feet and couldn’t get up. There are definitely some prizes in the US.

A woman in California suffered third-degree burns when two rocks she picked up at the beach spontaneously combusted. The rocks were in her shorts when they suddenly caught fire. When stopping, dropping and rolling didn’t work, the woman and her husband removed her shorts which caused their house’s floor to start to catch fire. It took a visit from the fire department to put the rocks out. Fire department captain Marc Stone said, “There is phosphorous that naturally occurs on the sand at the beach, but no one has ever heard of pants catching fire.” Clearly, he’s calling her a liar because her pants were on fire.

These days you can buy anything you want if you spend enough money. If you want a single parking space at 66 East 11th Street, you’ll be spending over $1,000,000. In addition, the new owner would be charged condo fees for the spot. The spot is 12 feet wide, 23 feet long and 15 feet high and is on street level. The price is equivalent to paying an $115 illegal parking ticket every day for 24 years. Sounds like a bargain when you put it that way.

Ever hear of a professional golfer by the name of Rhein Gibson? If you haven’t, it’s understandable. He’s 1,444th on the World Golf Rankings with his four professional starts resulting in three missed cuts and a tie for 58th. Well, he’s also shot one of the lowest rounds in golf history after shooting 55 (-16) at his home course of River Oaks GC with 12 birdies and two eagles. As a point of reference, 55 has only been shot once in tournament play. Presumably, he also bought drinks at the 19th hole.

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