If there’s one thing that goes perfectly with the #1 most watched sport in America, it’s alcohol. But one disappointing thing I found in Week 1 of the 2011 NFL season was a lack of drinking games that covered specific games. There were a couple of generic drinking games floating around the internet but nothing that covered the specifics of the games I was watching. So as an experiment, here is my take on an NFL drinking games with special rules for each game and each network.

General Rules

• Questionable personal foul called for unnecessary roughness or roughing the passer: Two drinks
• Telestrator dong: Three drinks
• Ice the kicker: Ice a bro (Someone drinks a Smirnoff Ice. If you can’t sink to that level to buy a Smirnoff Ice, it’s four drinks.)
• If you’re watching Fox: One drink for every X-Factor commercial shown during a break. Two drinks for every X-Factor mention during the game.
• If you’re watching CBS: One drink for every Survivor commercial shown during a break. Two drinks for every Survivor mention during the game.
• If you’re watching CBS: Two drinks if 60 Minutes will start late in your local market. Do NOT drink if CBS switches to an out-of-market game that causes 60 Minutes to be late.

Seattle Seahawks at Pittsburgh Steelers (1:00 PM, FOX)
Every time Tony Siragusa says something that drops your IQ by ten points: One drink

Cleveland Browns at Indianapolis Colts (1:00 PM, CBS)
If Marv Albert uses a classic Marv Albert-ism in calling a football game: One drink
Every time Peyton Manning’s name is mentioned: One drink
Every time Peyton Manning is shown on screen: Two drinks

Kansas City Chiefs at Detroit Lions (1:00 PM, CBS)
If you follow @WhitlockJason on Twitter, every time he makes a joke about the Chiefs: One drink
Every time Calvin Johnson’s called back TD from Week 1 last season is mentioned: Two drinks
Every time Calvin Johnson is called Megatron: Three drinks
If a Megatron mention leads to the commentators talking about how good Michael Bay’s Tranformers movies: Finish your drink and mock them for not understanding the concept of a plot.
If Matt Stafford gets injured (even if he is just in discomfort on the sidelines): Finish your drink

Baltimore Ravens at Tennessee Titans (1:00 PM, CBS)
Any time Vince Young or Kerry Collins is mentioned: One drink
If you watched football back when they were the Tennessee Oilers: Two drinks
If you’re watching this game because you’re a Titans fan: Three drinks (or more depending on how the game is going)

Oakland Raiders at Buffalo Bills (1:00 PM, CBS)
Every time Harvard is mentioned: One drink
If Al Davis is shown: Two drinks and be glad this isn’t a late game because Al looks like he’s straight out of a Hollywood horror film

Arizona Cardinals at Washington Redskins (1:00 PM, FOX)
If Dan Snyder’s anti-media-that’s-anti-Snyder agenda is mentioned: Two drinks
If Chris Myers talks about his drink order on air: Finish your drink

Tampa Bay Bucaneers at Minnesota Vikings (1:00 PM, FOX)
If Brett Favre gets mentioned: One drink
If Brett Favre gets mentioned a dozen times: Finish your drink and put yourself out of your misery

Jacksonville Jaguars at New York Jets (1:00 PM, CBS)
“Suck for Luck” or any other mention of the Jags contending for the #1 pick: One drink
If someone says calls Sanchez “Sanchize”: Finish your drink
Any joke about Rex Ryan’s foot fetish: Open a fresh drink and drink it

Chicago Bears at New Orleans Saints (1:00 PM, FOX)
Every time Joe Buck sounds like he’s asleep during his call of an amazing play: One drink (That’ll be all you can handle.)
Every time Cutler gets sacked: Three drinks. This way you know what Cutler feels like playing behind that O-line.

Green Bay Packers at Carolina Panthers (1:00 PM, FOX)
Every time a clip from Super Bowl XLV is shown: Two drinks
If Cam Newton’s pay for enrollment scandal is mentioned: Finish your drink

Dallas Cowboys at San Francisco 49ers (4:05 PM, FOX)
For every clip from an old Cowboys/49ers game shown: One drink because you’ll probably end up doing five drinks in a row from this one.
For every clip of Romo choking: One drink
If somebody slips and calls him “Tony Homo”: Finish your drink

Cincinnati Bengals at Denver Broncos (4:15 PM, CBS)
Every time CBS shows the Stokley touchdown from Week 1 2009: One drink
If CBS shows the Stokley touchdown with Gus Johnson’s play-by-play: Three drinks
Any time Carson Palmer is mentioned: One drink
Any time Carson Palmer’s retirement is mentioned: Two drinks

San Diego Chargers at New England Patriots (4:15 PM, CBS)
Every time someone mentions Brady passed for over 500 yards in Week 1: One drink
Every time the Chargers’ special team woes are mentioned (both in-game and during the pre-game): One drink
If Jim Nantz’s voice makes you think you’re watching golf: One drink

Houston Texans at Miami Dolphins (4:15 PM, CBS)
If the temperature in Miami is 15° C (about 27° F) higher than where you’re watching: Finish your drink

Philadelphia Eagles at Atlanta Falcons (8:20 PM, NBC)
Anyone brings up Tony Dungy mentoring Mike Vick: Two drinks
Any time the booth hints at gambling: One drink because Al and Cris like talking about gambling

St. Louis Rams at New York Giants (Monday 8:30 PM, ESPN)
Every time Jon Gruden says “THIS GUY”: One drink. Trust me, that’s all you can handle.
Every time someone refers to Chris Berman as “Boom”: Two drinks
If Jaws swears on air again: Finish your drink
If 9/11 is mentioned: Finish your drink

Legal-ish Disclaimer: Heavy drinking can be detrimental to your health. Drinking to excess is not recommended. It’s not that we want to stop you, we just want to remind you that heavy drinking can kill you. In order to minimize the damage, keep water handy to stay hydrated and eat while watching games too.