Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

It just can’t be a proper edition of the Not News unless we have a story about sex gone wrong. Well, that depends on your perspective. A couple at the University of Southern California make big news last week when hundreds of people witnessed them having sex on top of the 12-story Waite Phillips Hall on the USC campus. The man was identified as a member of USC’s Kappa Sigma frat while the woman is not believed to be a USC student. Reports say that the two kept at it for a bit and never felt compelled to move away from the edge of the roof. I just hope they were smart enough to use Trojan condoms.

When you’re an NFL player, there are somethings that you don’t want to get out in public. Getting arrested and making bad excuses doesn’t help. Louis Murphy of the Oakland Raiders was charged with possession of a drug without a valid prescription, failure to obey a police officer and resisting arrest without violence all because he had 11 Viagra pills in an unmarked bottle. As if it wasn’t embarrassing enough for an NFL player to be caught with Viagra, he said he didn’t have a prescription for them and kept them in an unmarked pill bottle because he didn’t want his girlfriend to find out he had them. You think she would have figured out quite quickly if he needed extra help…

What can an ex-police officer do with a badge and some spare time? Well, a former Illinois policeman living in California decided to pose as a massage parlor inspector and try to get a happy ending while he was at it. The man walked into a Lake Forest massage parlor with a clip board and flashed his badge saying he was a massage parlor inspector. The parlor’s manager didn’t figure out the hoax so he let the man wander about before he asked for a massage. Even that didn’t clue in the manager but when the masseuse reported that the “inspector” wanted a happy ending, the jig was up. If the officer does get jail time, I doubt he would be getting what he’d call a happy ending there.

People are quite fond of their cheap fast food. A man decided that the best way to protest an increase in the price of burritos at Taco Bell was to shoot at an employee with a BB gun. He was allegedly very angry that Taco Bell’s $0.99 promotion and he didn’t take too kindly to the new $1.49 which cost him an extra $3.50 for his order. But a BB gun wasn’t all that he was armed with. When the police showed up, the assault rifle came out. That resulted in a standoff at a motel with police that ended with some tear gas. And it should be noted that he didn’t get the burritos.

It’s not often (never, actually) that we link to something in the Not News. Today is an exception though. After all, it’s not often that we see a woman fail her field sobriety test as badly as the woman in this video. (BuzzFeed)


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