There’s a lot of change in this week’s Power Rankings. We have one team make a huge jump of 15 spots into the top ten while a top five team from last week plummets 14 spots in the rankings. Not surprisingly, though, the bottom five saw very little change in the order. But, once again, a new team reaches the top of the Power Rankings. I’m actually surprised that I’m willing to risk the Power Rankings jinx on these guys too.

#1 Detroit Red Wings (Last Week #2)
This week’s number one pick hinged entirely on who won Sunday’s game between the Wings and the Blue Jackets. Columbus has inexplicably found themselves near the top of the Western Conference but still haven’t quite gotten to the top. The Wings aren’t on top of the league in points but that’s because they’re near the bottom of the league in games played. They actually have the best winning percentage in the NHL. Not bad for a team that’s often written off as old and soft. Experience and two-way play can still get you far in the new NHL.

#2 Pittsburgh Penguins (LW #10)
I think that the infamous Colin Campbell emails missed a link in the chain. Clearly, the officials are willfully blind to anything that Sidney Crosby does. I think that order has to come from the very top of the league to the officials through Campbell. After all, Sid the Kid is Bettman’s golden boy. That’s why Crosby can slew foot Dubinsky and DRAW an interference call. And he slew footed Avery afterwards (if memory serves) and only got a tripping call. That’s two match penalties that resulted in what is essentially offsetting minors. It’s almost as bad as the NBA.

#3 Washington Capitals (LW #3)
Is it just me or do the promos for the Alex Ovechkin DVD make him look about as interesting as Crosby? Here’s Ovi in Washington. Here’s Ovi in Miami. No Ovi in the club. No Ovi in a limo full of hot chicks. Nothing that makes him look like he has a personality. The title of the DVD sucks too. Alex Ovechkin: The Gr8? Just call it “Alex the Gr8.” There’s a title that’s easy on the tongue and can’t hurt sales. Seriously, Gary, I’m willing to move to New York to work for the league. Call me.

#4 Montreal Canadiens (LW #5)
Sure the Habs moved up in the Power Rankings but who there really cares. That’s not to say that our Montreal readership is low. WordPress doesn’t actually give us that level of detail on our page views. Actually, I’m talking about the Grey Cup party. For the second year running, the Alouettes won the Grey Cup. Last year, it was in Calgary, this year’s in Edmonton. Both in dramatic fashion, as well. The game wasn’t anywhere near certain until the interception in the final couple of minutes. And yes, I mean interception. Only one turnover during the game. With execution like that, who needs the NFL.

#5 Philadelphia Flyers (LW #1)
Fun fact of the paragraph: Scott is more interested in beating me in a private fantasy pool he setup than he is in beating me in the Lowdown fantasy league. Mind you, I’m not exactly setting the world on fire in either league. At this point, I’m just holding a fire sale on my Lowdown FHL team. I don’t have a hope in there anymore. I’m selling off the parts that people need because it doesn’t do me any good to hold onto them. As for the Lowdown FHL2, I’m the last undefeated team at 4-0-3 and am buying there. That’s where I make my charge for greatness.

#6 Columbus Blue Jackets (LW #7)
The CBJs were sporting throwback-style third jerseys on Sunday against the Red Wings. Throwback style for a recently founded expansion franchise involves changing the design to include horizontal stripes and changing the colours to something that appears more woolen, I suppose. They actually weren’t too bad. It makes me think that I have to update the third jersey rankings for this year given some of the jersey changes/updates recently.

#7 Phoenix Coyotes (LW #11)
If we were to survey all NHL fans to find their favourite franchise and included every team and city in NHL history (since the Original Six) era, who would fare better: The Phoenix Coyotes or the Winnipeg Jets? It could just be judicious highlight editing but I swear I see more Jets jerseys at Coyotes games than I see Coyotes jerseys. It could be fans from the ‘Peg waxing nostalgic about a franchise that was stolen from them or it could be just another sign that hockey in the desert is a complete failure.

#8 New York Rangers (LW #16)
Speaking of waxing nostalgic, the Hartford Whalers are back… Sort of. The Rangers’ AHL affiliate were formerly known as the Hartford Wolf Pack. Now, they are known at the Connecticut Whale. I’m guessing that there’s some sort of copyright/trademark law that prevents the team from being called the Whalers or the Connecticut Whale. Still, given that of all the recently departed NHL franchises, the Whalers are currently the most popular. Maybe it’s a sign the experiment of hockey in the Southeastern US is a failure as well.

#9 Tampa Bay Lightning (LW #13)
So Simon Gagne misses the whole of the season until Tuesday night with a sore neck or something like that. It’s Gagne. It’s news when he’s actually in the lineup instead of out with an injury. So what does he do in his first game of the season? He beats the Leafs. Okay, he may have had help from Tomas Kaberle’s leg but you get the point. Only the Make Believes could get a lead, hold it for most of the game, cough it up in the final minute and then lose it to a guy that could miss most of a season thanks to somebody breathing on him. Amazing.

#10 Atlanta Thrashers (LW #25)
And here are your big movers on the week. The week’s big loser is farther down the way. The Thrashers have won an inexplicable six straight games and are 7-3-0 over the last ten. These are the damn Atlanta Thrashers. They missed the playoffs last year and traded away their best player. Their best player now is Dustin Byfuglien. I don’t know how the hell these guys are doing it. Safe to say that they’re this year’s Phoenix.

#11 Vancouver Canucks (LW #12)
The Canuckleheads move up by being perfectly average. They were one game over 0.500 over the last ten games not that it’s a real accomplishment. As we’ve mentioned before, the average game gives out something like 2.1 or 2.2 points per game so 11 points from ten games is really about 0.500. I love how the Canucks are so exciting that I have to discuss math rather than how they’re playing. So, how about that Schneider guy?

#12 Colorado Avalanche (LW #6)
Well, I’m not winning my office hockey pool this year. First, Vinny Lecavalier breaks his hand. One injury won’t kill me because the bottom two players from your team don’t count toward your score. Then Mike Knuble broke his jaw which really isn’t here or there because he was already in my bottom two. Then Chris Stewart, my third or fourth best player, broke his right hand in a fight. I know he supposed to be a prototypical power forward but god-fucking-dammit you’re a goal scorer now! You had 64 points last year! Stop being a thug and start winning me my hockey pool!

#13 Dallas Stars (LW #18)
Kim Kardashian is on to her third sports star in less than a year. First it was New Orleans Saints RB Reggie Bush but that ended after he won the Super Bowl. I’m guessing it has something to do with not coming through on that rumoured proposal after winning the Super Bowl. Then she briefly moved onto Dallas Cowboys WR Miles Austin but when they broke up, it shattered the Big D’s dreams of winning the Super Bowl in their own stadium. Now she’s onto NBA scrub Kris Humphries. My question is when does she move on to a hockey player? That’s about the only sport she’s missed. Maybe she’s rather start with a hockey blogger before a player…

#14 San Jose Sharks (LW #19)
Since the Oilers paragraph is dedicated to their suckage, let’s talk about the Oilers franchise attempted murder here. I’m assuming that everyone has seen the clip of two Oilers Zambonis attempt to rundown Kevin Weekes and Scott Oake of CBC’s Hockey Night In Canada. You can understand how that sort of thing almost happens in Alberta. First, former premier Ralph Klein was often lampooned by CBC comedy shows for his drinking problem. And CBC is often regarded as a left-leaning news organization in a decidedly conservative province. See, it wasn’t an accident but a politically motivated message to CBC bosses.

#15 Chicago Blackhawks (LW #18)
I know that they’re in the top ten in the league but when I wrote this up, they were one point ahead of Dallas having played four more games. This team has moved up the standings because of the sheer number of games they have played. This team is not a top ten team this year. This team is not a Central Division champion this year. They have to get through Columbus and Detroit to get to the top of this division. The Blue Jackets may be easy but I don’t think they have the goaltending to get by Detroit.

#16 Boston Bruins (LW #8)
I’ve probably dropped the Bruins farther than they deserve here but here’s where they get plugged in anyway. They’re just below 0.500 in the last ten (there’s that stat again). But they are +13 on the goal differential which is the only real stat that I look at besides a team’s record, goals for and goals against. Yeah, I’m boringly old school like that. For example, I don’t believe in the baseball stat OPS. I’ll take those stats separately but I don’t think it has any meaning combined. So shoot me for being young and thinking like an old curmudgeon.

#17 Los Angeles Kings (LW #4)
And here are our big losers of the week. From the top ten to outside the top sixteen. That’s probably an exaggerated drop at this point in the season but when you’re in a total free fall, everything seems exaggerated but probably isn’t. Heading into tonight’s action, they’re 3-7-0 in their last ten and are on a four game losing skid. Over the last four, they’ve scored four goals and were shutout once. If doesn’t matter what Jonathan Quick is doing between the pipes because you can’t win many games scoring one goal. Still, they have the league’s best shootout record.

#18 St. Louis Blues (LW #9)
It’s all going horribly, horribly wrong for the Blues. After a start to the season that saw them rise to the top of our Power Rankings, the whole season seems to have gone pear-shaped for the Blues. Now I don’t think they were actually Central Division contenders but more likely an 8th place in the West team. They’re under 0.500 over the last ten games and just dropped into the minuses in goal differential after being above all year on the power of Jaro Halak. Of course, even Jaro had his off days during the 2010 playoffs. The Habs gave him a game off an all was well. Maybe the Blues should try that.

#19 Minnesota Wild (LW #15)
The Vikings won their first game under interim head coach Leslie Frazier. Somehow it’s not surprising that it happened because none of the players wanted to put any effort into playing for Brad Childress. So Chilly lost his job because of a mutiny. There’s an irony for you. A modern-day group of Vikings mutiny and throw their captain overboard. The best part of the game may have been Favre handing Frazier the game ball afterwards. That’s a big “fuck you and fuck her too” (who ever she is) to Chilly.

#20 Anaheim Ducks (LW #14)
Jackie’s going to kill me for saying this but we talked about my weekly Ducks commentary while taping the upcoming Lowdown Christmas Special. Apparently, he finds it slightly amusing to see me guess his reaction to my weekly placement of the Ducks. They’re down again this week so he isn’t going to be happy. But it’s the whole -11 goal differential thing that’s killing me. After all, if you’re getting outscored, then you’re not going to be winning games. That’s why they keep falling down the standings and why they keep falling down the rankings.

#21 Florida Panthers (LW #22)
Today is the biggest day of the NBA season. No, there won’t be any awards handed out or a championship won. Who am I kidding? The biggest day of the NBA season used to be the Slam Dunk Contest. But this season, the biggest day is the return of LeBron to Cleveland. The Cavs are bringing in extra security to protect LeBron from angry and rampaging fans. However, the security should be called in to protect Bosh because he’s the weak link in the Big Three. Anyway, Miami should kick Cleveland’s ass all things being equal but there’s a lot of pent up rage in the Cavaliers’ owner’s box.

#22 Buffalo Sabres (LW #23)
When you drop a game-winning touchdown at home with no one covering you, what should you do? If you’re Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson, you blame god. However, you do so publicly on Twitter so everyone knows it’s not your fault. Here’s his sacrilege in 140 characters “I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO…” I think that about sums up the seasons of the Bills and Cowboys in two lines.

#23 Carolina Hurricanes (LW #20)
Alright, back to LeBron. Some Cavs fans have put together some chants for Thursday night’s games. You can read them all at Cavs Chants but here are some of my favourites: “Wit-Nessed Noth-Ing” (Clap, Clap, ClapClapClap); “Sideeeee-Kick Sideeee-Kick” (No Claps, derisive singing); and “De-Lon-Te! De-Lon-Te!” (To the beat of “Lets-Go-Cavs”). And that’s not to mention that Cavs fans are encouraged to laugh anytime LeBron is introduced. That has to be more psychologically damaging than booing him.

#24 Nashville Predators (LW #21)
The last team I’m writing about this week are the Preds. There’s nothing I can really think about writing with this bunch. Pekka Rinne’s still playing which is a good thing. Whatever happened to that giant goalie? You know, the one that’s like 6’7″ and is likely to sign with the Memphis Grizzlies if Rinne stays with the team. Actually, how are the Griz doing? I haven’t followed them since they left Vancouver. I love how some cities don’t fall in love with their franchise until they’re gone. I guess you really don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. And here I thought it was just a cliché saying.

#25 Ottawa Senators (LW #24)
Since it’s December, I figure one of my upcoming Power Rankings has to have some sort of Christmas gimmick. Something like what each team asked Santa to give them for Christmas and what they actually deserve for Christmas. For example, the Senators are going to ask Santa for a top six forward. What they deserve is the return of Alexei Yashin and the monstrous contract that Charles Wang signed. Speaking of Chuck Wang, the Isles deserve to be put out of their misery for the sake of the fans.

#26 Calgary Flames (LW #26)
Is it just me or is TSN really pushing the hell out of Off The Record now. I mean, we’re better than a couple of months into Landsberg at 5:00 on TSN and 6:00 on TSN2 and yet TSN feels obligated to run promos every chance the get to hype the new time slot as well as mention it at least twice an evening SportsCentre . Let’s face it, OTR jumped the shark years ago. Remember when they would just talk about sports and important topics. Now it’s a gimmick show. There’s a gimmick opening and closing interview and two segments with panelists who just shout at each other. It was a respectable show when it started and now it’s shit. That’s why no one is watching it and not because it’s at a bad time.

#27 Toronto Maple Leafs (LW #27)
Somehow, I’m actually struggling to find reason to mock the Leafs this week. Well, reasons that have yet to be discussed. I’m sure that Richard Peddie retiring can’t hurt the cause. He did hire Rob Babcock and JFJ. Mind you, he also hired Brian Burke and the all sizzle and no steak of Bryan Colangelo. Mind you, everytime someone says that, he looks smart for about a week which is enough to stop the critics for a month. And now Rogers wants to buy MLSE from the Teachers’ Pension Plan. And ownership swap is guaranteed to distract players and screw up things on the ice.

#28 New Jersey Devils (LW #29)
It was a pure class move by the Devils organization to go to Pat Burns’ funeral as a group. In the seemingly 24/7 life of the modern professional athlete, they seldom seem to have time to themselves that doesn’t end up on Deadspin (or, I suppose, the new TMZ Sports). That’s why they move up a spot in the rankings this week. Well, that and they beat the Flyers over the weekend. Upsetting a top team in the league will always help the cause… Even if you have Johan Hedberg in goal.

#29 Edmonton Oilers (LW #28)
Did you know that the last time a team had the #1 overall pick in back-to-back years  was in 1995 & 1996 when the Ottawa Senators drafted Bryan Berard and Chris Phillips? A slight irony is that the 1995 draft was in Edmonton. Well, it’ll only be ironic if the Oil win the lottery again this year. Of course, they shouldn’t be in a lottery spot this year. They have enough talent to not be in the bottom five but the front office and coaching staff don’t seem to know what to do with this bunch. Might I suggest hiring a coach that knows how to succeed with a fast team? How about Western Mustangs men’s hockey Coach Clarke Singer?

#30 New York Islanders (LW #30)
Or how about Coach Singer goes to New York? Actually, I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy. It’s such a miserable situation for a coach that even Sean Avery would look like a sympathetic figure as the head coach of the Islanders. They may be wearing the jerseys from the dynasty of the 1980s but this squad will look like the joke that was the jerseys with the fish stick man in the logo. Seriously, why do I bother putting more into writing about this team than Wang and Snow put into running it.