It’s time for the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

One of my pet peeves while driving are old men on mobility scooters who assume that the road is theirs to use. Fortunately, a British plumber has fixed all our problems by building a mobility scooter that can go upwards of 69 mph. The man swapped out the scooter’s standard electric motor for a 125cc motorcycle engine. He’s also eligible to set a new world record for fastest mobility scooter but the Guinness folks say he can’t alter the appearance of the scooter. The plumber-turned-mad scientist says that the biggest problem with that is the scooter tends to get twitchy and hard to control as it gets up in speed. Well, at least when he retires, he’ll be the coolest pensioner in the old folks’ home.

If you are trying to grow pot at your house, you might not want to follow one man’s example. A Florida man was arrested by police for growing marijuana in his front yard. In fact, the man had 17 pot plants growing  in front of his house with some having grown as high as seven feet tall. Clearly, he was high when he decided to start his own grow op. How could you not expect to get caught when you have your stash in your front yard?

In Mexico, they do their drug busts properly. Police in Tijuana were able to take over a drug warehouse after a shootout with gunmen. It’s only noteworthy here because the drugs have a street value in Mexico of about £212 million ($340 million Canadian). Police said that the drugs, which included cannabis and marijuana, would have sold for two to three times that amount if they made it to the US. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on where you live), police are going to dispose of the drugs by burning it. If you live nearby, you can’t really argue with those plans.

And back to making yourself easy to catch by the police. A man in South Florida had been robbing AT&T stores for the last two months and taking a couple of iPhones from the stores’ display cases. Police were able to catch a break thanks to the unique tattoo on the thief’s forehead. The man has a tattoo reading “I’m Me” on his forehead. A quick call to a Crimestoppers hotline later and the police had their man. So a lesson to would be criminals: Balaclavas might be clichéd but if you’re going to have an easily identifiable mark on your face, it might not be such a bad idea.

In a day and age when companies encourage employees to get in shape and stay healthy so they can work harder and longer, it’s rare to see weight affect someone’s job. But two bus drivers in Blackpool, England, have been suspended from their jobs because they’re so fat that their seats can’t handle the weight. This has caused a rift between their fellow drivers and their employers. The drivers think they’re being discriminated against because of their weight. The company says it’s health and safety related. The two drivers weight in at a combined 560 pounds. As any car driver knows, it’s harder to stop a car when it’s carrying extra weight.