It’s time for another part in our ongoing series in the best of the interweb that can help you through your day. (Well, the interweb that is outside of The Lowdown Blog.) For the second time, I take us back for some more of the best stories of My Life is Average. I like this site because it’s a bit more relatable to everyone’s average lives and some of the stories on the website are the sort of thing that regularly happen to people. That doesn’t mean that these stories aren’t funny.
(All stories contained in this post should be considered sic’d.)
Today I got home from band camp. I still have my virginity. MLIA.
My friend told me this joke: “If pro is the opposite of con, then the opposite of progress would be congress!” I thought this was really clever, so I told my friend in my American History class. We were studying the Constitution, so his response was, “Then what does that make the opposite of Constitution?” Then he realized… MLIA.
Today I was watching TV when a lady on a commercial said “When you have a car accident, the last thing you want is for your insurance rates to go up.” I don’t know about the rest of the world, but when I have a car accident, the last thing I want is to die. MLIA
Today, I was playing the opposite game with my friend. If I said big, he’d say small. If I said long, he’d say short. But when I said Michael Jackson, he yelled, “BLACK! No… White! Wait, no black! um…” MLIA
Today i went to a resturaunt for lunch with my friends at a place called “Kitty’s purple cow”. Upon leaving i stopped in the ladies room. On the wall was a picture of a nude man with a box over his “seductive area”. Curious to see if they actually had a nude man in the ladies room, i lifted the box. Little did i know that an alarm had been set off in the whole resturant, alerting everyone that i had peeked. MLIA
Today I found a website where people post things they think. But I can’t think of what I can write about. MLIA
Today, during a test I did not know the answer to a question. Instead of guessing I drew an epic battle between pirates and ningas. Guess who got extra credit? No, not me. I just got a question mark. MLIA.
I saw a picture today with Kanye West photocopied onto a picture with Edward Cullen saying this, “Yo, Edward, I’m really happy for you, and imma let you finish but, Seseame Street had one the the best vampires of all time.” MLIA
Today at work, we had a new employee. His name is Tom Riddle. Do I call him Dark Lord? Oh, you know I do. MLIA
Today, I realized whenever I watch a movie when someone is underwater, I hold my breath just to see if they really can hold it that long. MLIA
Today, I was watching an old episode of Scooby Doo with my little sister. My mum shouts to ask me if I’ve seen her scissors. At that moment, Daphne screams ‘Ahh! It’s behind you!’ A second later I hear my mum: ‘Oh you’re right, thanks!’ Um … you’re welcome. -MLIA
Today, I filled a Windex bottle with blue Gatorade. I then sprayed it into my mouth infront of my mother. She began to panic and scream and get hysterical. I thought it was funny. She didn’t. MLIA
Today, I found out that when my grandmother gets packages in the mail, she puts the bubble wrap on the floor and rolls over it with her wheelchair. MLIA
Today I went to school without a bra on, but I’m a 15 year old guy so it’s okay. MLIA.
At the end of a math test there was extra space so I decided to write something. Me having a bad grade, I wrote ” If you don’t give me a 100%, I will call Chuck Norris”. Guest who got a hundred? Not me. I got sent to the office for threating a teacher with a deadly weapon. MLIA
Today I accidentally used a number 1 pencil on a scantron test. I expect the bloodshed to be horrific. MLIA
Today, I renamed my iPod “This ship” just for the pleasure of seeing the phrase “This ship is syncing” MLIA
Today, I broke my record for how many days I’ve gone without dying. I plan on braking it again tommorrow. MLIA
Today, I didn’t have an epic nerf gun battle, get asked out by my crush, find Waldo, see a guy dressed up as a gorilla, have a funny substitute teacher, have an argument with cleverbot or even watch a Disney movie… but I did have a bagel for breakfast. MLIA
Today, I realized that many of MLIA’s posts have become the exact opposite of average. After coming to this conclusion, I made a sandwich. Then I ate it. MLIA