If it’s not worth talking about then it must be time for the Not News of the Week.

A recent international study says that the most foul-mouthed country in the world is Canada. The study showed that 56% of Canadians swear frequently or occasionally when talking with friends. In Britain, that number is 51% while the US brings up the rear with 46%. Also, nearly three-quarters of Canadians say they swear in front of their families compared to two-thirds of Americans and Brits. Apparently the worst offenders in Canada are the Quebecois. Basically, this survey is trying to disprove that typical Canadian stereotype of being overly polite but it’s entirely pointless and proves nothing. Fuck whoever came up with this idea.

Last week, we had a story about the oldest man in Tokyo who had been dead for about 30 years without city officials noticing. Now, it seems that the oldest woman in Tokyo may have held onto her record beyond her time. The 113-year-old woman has apparently gone missing. She isn’t at the address listed on city records which was her daughter’s home. The woman’s daughter thought her mother was living with her brother who is listed as living in a vacant lot. So in the span of two weeks, Tokyo has seen its oldest man and woman disappear. For a country that’s so technologically advanced, they sure do suck at record keeping.

Some criminals aren’t that bright but sometimes they’re aided by incompetent police. A man robbed a Wendy’s restaurant a couple of hours before closing on a Saturday night and got away before the police could arrive. To add insult to injury for the Wendy’s restaurant and police, the robber called the restaurant not once but twice and said “Next time there better be more than $586.” Somehow, police haven’t been able to track down the thief despite his best efforts to be caught. I guess beggers can be choosers.

In Taiwan, parliamentary interruptions are usually caused by rioting elected officials. In Indonesia, interruptions in parliament are caused by hackers who play porno on the internal TV system. The Indonesian parliament’s internal TV channel broadcast had an unexpected 15 minute special as proceedings were interrupted by some x-rated footage. Security was able to stop the hackers by turning off the TV channel. It is believed that the porn hacking was a protest against Indonesia’s plan to ban porn websites during the holy festival of Ramadan. Apparently computer nerds feel that porn is more important than Islam.

In other religion news, people have seen Jesus everywhere from trees to grilled cheese sandwiches to the audience of Top Gear. The latest Jesus sighting might stretch things a bit. A farmer claims that he saw Jesus in the feathers of one of his chickens. If you squint hard while looking at the picture on the left, you might be able to see it. The farmer’s mother claims that the likeness is so clear that you can see the ring of thorns around Jesus’ head. Not to burst their bubble but that face looks like me without glasses. If it was me instead of Jesus in that chicken’s feathers, would anyone give a shit? Even I wouldn’t care.