Not News of the Week

It’s the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

I know I’ve complained time and time again about how parents have ruined sports with their “everybody wins even if they lose” attitude but now they’ve gone too far. Two parents are suing the Greater Toronto Hockey League, the Avalanche minor hockey team, and four coaches $25,000 each for cutting their children during tryouts. The suit claims that the league, team, and coaches cause their sons irreparable psychological damage because they were cut from a hockey team. I guess the kid mustn’t have any self-esteem left to destroy because this lawsuit sure would have done it for me. Apparently, one of the boys swore off hockey when he was told he was cut. That’s almost as mature as suing everyone.

The dog is man’s best friend. Well, that’s until the dog decides to overlook the lack of opposable thumbs and tried to take his owner’s pickup truck. A Florida man was under his Ford F-150 checking for oil leaks when his dog hopped into the driver’s seat and knocked the truck into gear. The truck rolled back and over his owner’s side. The man was fine but I’m guessing his pride was hurt more than anything. His dog probably picked up how to drive a car faster than he did.

Appearing in a sex tape will cost you your Miss whatever tiara, as former Miss California Carrie Prejean found out the hard way. However, it appears that there is more than one way to strip a beauty queen. This year’s Miss Cornwall was stripped of her crown after organizers discovered that she was lying about her age and was too old to be eligible for the competition. Their discovery, however, was entirely accidental. Organizers were cleaning their offices when they discovered her applications for the last four years which all claimed her age was 22. It turns out that Miss Cornwall was actually 27 and lying about her age because she was above the upper age limit of 24. Despite being stripped of her crown, there are two positives that Miss Cornwall can take from this: 1) She can successfully lie about her age now which is good for later life; and 2) She’s still better looking that the rest of Cornwall.

NASA wants you to know that there will be no sex in the champagne room. There also won’t be any horizontal tangoing in space. They may have all sorts of zero-gravity experiments and activities ongoing on the International Space Station and on the space shuttle but sex isn’t one of them. A recent Q & A session with NASA commander Alan Poindexter taught us about NASA’s policy about orbital relations. Commander Poindexter said that personal relationships weren’t an issue for NASA. So why did that one astronaut drive hundreds of miles in adult diapers to meet her beau and kill his fiance?

We know that Chinese discount manufacturing plants have issues with lead paint but now they’re having problems counting. A man in Dallas, Texas, went to a dollar store to buy an American flag. Much to his surprise, his plastic flag had 61 stars instead of the required 50. The man was absolutely incensed that his $1 plastic flag purchased from a dollar store was not up to code. He complained to the dollar store’s manager but he said that the flag was actually a patriotic banner that wasn’t actually a flag. So who’s cheaper in this incident: The dollar store that buys from a Chinese manufacturer whose employees can’t count or the man who spent $1 on a flag for Independence Day?

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