It’s time for all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s the Not News of the Week.

It’s the frivolous lawsuit of the week: An Indianapolis man is suing a convenience store chain for $11.5 Million of lottery winnings that he never won. The 70-year-old man picked the winning numbers of a draw in February 2008 but never got a ticket because the store’s clerk refused to sell him a ticket with only a few minutes before the cutoff. The man did have some proof that he picked the right numbers. He left his play sheet with the clerk and confirmed the numbers the next day. So the lesson is that we should all fill out a stack of play sheets with every possible combination of numbers and then sue for the winnings of the ticket we didn’t actually buy.

The Boy Scouts of America have long been about life skills and outdoorsiness. However, they’ve decided that life skills will take kids indoors. They’ve just announced a new badge for Academic Achievement in Video Gaming. Child health experts are naturally upset because they fear that it will just encourage kids to become more sedentary and less active. To earn the badge, Scouts must spend an hour a day playing games, helping others get better or searching for the best price for new games. The games played must help the Scout develop a skill for schoolwork. No word if pwning noobs or if capping fools in GTA would help earn badges.

If you’re a man in Indonesia and want to join the police or military but feel a little… inadequate, you’re just going to have to deal with it. Applicants for the Indonesian police and military will be asked if they have been enlarged. If they have been enhanced, they will be declared unfit for duty. The thinking is that an unnaturally large member will hinder performance on the job. So if the Indonesian police rough you up, then, yes, they are compensating for something.

An assistant coach of a 10-year-old hockey team is in trouble after a video hit YouTube of the players posing with cans and bottles of Coors Light. The man shooting the video said “Here we are in the locker room, young men just having a beer… The boys are enjoying a fine beer after a hard game.” Now, the video never contained any footage of anyone drinking any beer but all hell has broken loose in Saskatchewan. The coach and a parent have been banned indefinitely by the league. The league has yet to elaborate whether the suspension was for bringing beer into the locker room or bringing American beer into the locker room.

Sometimes, doing something that your buddies put you up to is a bad idea. A man who is so covered with tattoos that they call it a body suit was detained by police while riding his bicycle in downtown Wichita. But the tattoos weren’t the reason why he was arrested. It was the fact that he was riding a bike while wearing a thong. Well, the official story is that he was picked up by the police for holding up traffic by going 5 mph because wearing a thong in public doesn’t violate any nudity laws. But really, if you’re an old, pudgy man, you should be arrested for the sake of the children. Won’t somebody think of the children?