It’s time for a special treat for your Monday. It’s all the weirdest and wackiest stories from around the world. It’s the Not News of the Week.

Eat your heart out James Bond. A highly trained group of thieves in New Jersey were able to break into a Best Buy and make off with 20 Apple laptops without setting off an alarm. They climbed to the roof of the store using a 3-inch wide pipe that ran from the ground to the roof. Once there, they cut a hole in the roof in a part of the store that was obscured from security camera view. They lowered themselves down on ropes without touching the ground because that would have set off the alarm. Then, they made their way back up with the computers and left without anyone noticing until employees came in the next morning. Next stop: Hollywood… To steal any scripts that George Lucas may be working on for Indiana Jones 5.

Thieves in Florida can be fairly ambitious when they want to be. Some would be ATM thieves in Orlando failed to execute an ambitious (and likely drunken) plan. They stole a front-end loader from a construction site that they drove several miles to a Chase bank. They then attempted to use the front-end loader to rip the ATM from the ground outside the bank. Instead the would-be bank robbers managed to destroy the ATM rather than liberate it. They gave up on their mess and got away in their stolen Sherwin-Williams truck. Despite this trail of crime, destruction and incompetence, they were somehow got away and police have no leads.

The Americans can complain all they want about the outpouring of Canadian pride during the Olympics but they’re still just poor losers. That’s especially true of a Minnesota man who decided that destruction was the best way for him to vent his frustration. He grabbed an iron bench and tried to throw it through a window of a diner but was foiled by the weight of the bench. To add insult to a likely back injury, sitting on the other side of that window was a pair of cops. When the officers caught the man, they found him to be, obviously, intoxicated. A sample of the air he was exhaling (as opposed to a proper breathalyser), gave a reading .08. When police tried to get a statement from the man, all he could say was “I’m pissed off at Miller. He should have stopped that shot.”

Bring your child to work day is a good idea to give you a day off of work but I don’t think that putting them to work for you is what folks had in mind. An air traffic controller at John F. Kennedy Airport in New York was suspended after bringing his kid to work and putting him on the radio to communicate to pilots. The kid wasn’t actually doing any air traffic control. He was repeating instructions to pilots that his dad gave him telling pilots they were clear for takeoff and transferring ground communication over to other controllers. It was all really harmless but don’t tell the FAA that. They suspended the dad for a short-period of time. Probably a good idea, you want him to keep building this good father-son relationship that they’d rather he didn’t have.

It’s time for the frivolous lawsuit of the week: A Queens woman is filing a lawsuit against a wig store because of serious nerve damage in the toes of her left foot. Apparently, while trying on a wig, the plastic mannequin head fell off the table and landed on her foot. Despite almost six months of physical therapy, the woman can’t curl her toes so she’s suing the store for negligence for failing to maintain a hazard-free premises. What’s particularly interesting about this lawsuit, besides the fact that a plastic head could do that much damage, is that the woman’s husband is also suing the store. He says that their sex live hasn’t been the same since the accident. That’s the sort of strange admission that would make me wonder why having a banged up foot would detract from their sex life. On second thought, I don’t want to know.