Another week brings you another dose of all the news that’s not fit for print. It’s the Not News of the Week.

No matter how your Valentine’s Day went, it had to have been better than this guy. A Bentley University student was sent to hospital with non-life threatening injuries after a threesome gone wrong. The man was trying to arrange a threesome with two (less-than-attractive) women and was willing to pay to make it happen. However, there was a disagreement over money to be exchanged so the women attacked the man and took his money without rendering any services. In terms of hookup failures, I’d have to say that this is probably the worst case scenario.

The French policy requiring women in Muslim headdresses that cover their whole face be removed in certain places might gain some popularity in the Arab world. An unnamed ambassador from an Arab country married a woman who wore a niqab (headdress) during their whole courtship. When the headdress finally came off, he immediately ran to court to file for divorce. It turns out that his new bride was cross-eyed and had facial hair. However, that’s not a legitimate reason for divorce in Sharia law. So he said that the bride’s parent gave him a picture of his wife’s more attractive sister. I guess that good things don’t always come in tightly wrapped packages.

Someone in Mississippi had a fever and the only prescription was more cowbell. The only problem was that he got more cowbell than he bargained for. A Mississippi State University student was arrested earlier this month after he hit another student in the head with a cowbell at a football game. The incident was said to have occurred in the middle of the post-game celebration of the Egg Bowl game between the MSU Bulldogs and the Ole Miss Rebels. Police won’t say who the victim was but I’m guessing he went to Ole Miss.

The New Jersey Nets are a pathetic bunch. Heading into the All-Star break, they were an NBA worst 4-48 which is 8.5 games behind the second-to-last placed team. That would explain why their last home game before the break was such a packed house. A Wednesday night game against the Milwaukee Bucks was attended by 1,016 people. That’s about 5% of the 20,049 capacity of the Izod Center for NBA games. Some blame bad weather for the poor attendance but we all know that nobody wants to see their team get blown out for the 48th time in four months.

A woman who lost her cat did what any owner would do and posted flyers to get help looking for it. She ended up getting the cat back but she also got a fine for posting her flyers. The East London woman was fined £75 under a section of the Anti-Social Behaviour Act that related to graffiti. The woman said that posters have been used for centuries to find missing pets and they should be exempt from the ASBA. However, her logic should be called in to question after being quoted as saying that “Fluffy is outraged” about the fine. Maybe there’s a reason her cat ran away.