Another week, another dose of all the news not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

Life lesson: Caveat emptor applies to literally everything. A man in New Hampshire learned this the hard way when he complained to police about a deal gone sour with a prostitute. The man said that he paid a prostitute $150 for her services but she never held up to her end of the deal. Police weren’t without sympathy for the man’s plight. They ended up arresting him on charges of soliciting prostitution. But he didn’t get entirely hosed. The prostitute was also arrested.

I believe we’ve mentioned this story before but it just keeps getting better. A while back, a British woman was given an ASBO for having very loud sex. The sort of loud that would wake up the neighbours loud sex. Anyway, an ASBO is basically like a restraining order. It tells the person to stop doing whatever the ASBO is for or they’ll end up in jail. Well, the loud sex ASBO woman has violated her ASBO repeatedly. But it appears that she’s only got one more strikes. She was recently handed an 8-week suspended sentence for having loud sex. Can they really imprison her if her husband is really that good?

And every guy love strip clubs whether he has two legs or four. A goat rammed its way into a strip club in Palm Springs, Florida, a little while ago. It was so intent upon making its way into the club that it took down two doors and caused thousands of dollars of damage. The only problem for the ram was that the club was closed for renovations at the time. However, the club owner’s says that plans haven’t been held up too much and the ladies will return to the stage on time.

The City of Edmonton purchased some buildings in a rundown part of town to launch an urban renewal effort. The only problem is that one of the tenants isn’t budging. The City is currently trying to encourage a strip club to move from its property. When Edmonton bought the building, the idea was to force the club out to another building. It turns out that the City didn’t bother to read the strip club’s lease agreement before buying the building because it turns out that they have a fairly ironclad agreement. So until such time as the club decides to move on, the City is stuck with them in their building and slowing down development. The good news is that as the landlord, City officials should be able to get in without paying any cover.

For the first time ever, concerned parent groups with nothing to do with their lives finally have a connection between the popular video game Grand Theft Auto and real crime. A 30-year-old Florida man was arrested on a charge of grand theft auto while playing the Grand Theft Auto game in his home. It wasn’t the man’s first rodeo because he was already out on bail for another grand theft auto charge. Sure, this guy isn’t a kid and his drug possession charge points to him being a career criminal, but it means that the TAPC (Tight-Assed Parents Council) finally have an actual connection between GTA and crime. If you’re TAPC member, a real example, no matter how unrelated it is to your concerns, is better than the constant hypotheticals they cram down our throats.