It’s that time of week again. If it’s not worth talking about, then it’s definitely the Not News of the Week.

If you’re trying to talk your way out of a speeding ticket, admitting to another illegal act isn’t a good way to do it. A man in Halton, Ontario, ticketed for going 92 km/h in a 70 km/h zone by an officer using a laser speed detector. The driver fought the ticket in court. His defence: His laser/radar detector didn’t go off so the officer couldn’t have been checking the speed of his car. Unfortunately for him, that defence doesn’t work because radar detectors are illegal in Ontario. So not only did he have to pay his ticket but he got another one for having a speed-measurement detector. That’s why they say a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client.

Speaking of ridiculous traffic court stories, a man almost missed his day in court. An Oakland man was in a bind to get to court for his arraignment appearance so he stole a car to get there. When he left court and got into his stolen car, the police arrested him for grand theft auto. Ironically, that’s why he was appearing in court in the first place. He had to steal this car because his car had been impounded. Like his first charge, the man was once again booked for auto theft and possession of stolen property.

Either the neo-Nazi propaganda is getting much more effective or today’s youth are getting dumber. A survey conducted of British school children found that one in 20 kids thought that Adolf Hitler was a famous German soccer coach. One in six thought Auschwitz was a WWII-themed amusement park while one in 20 said the Holocaust was a celebration at the end of the war. The survey also found one in 10 thought the SS was Enid Blyton’s Secret Seven and one in 12 believed the Blitz was a clean-up operation following the War.

How will the police help you if your house is burning down? They’ll tackle you, taze you, and arrest you. A man in Kent, Ohio, ran from his burning house to some police officers stopped nearby. Allegedly, the police ignored the man and when he turned away, the police tackled him and subdued him with a tazer. The police report said the man was combative and intoxicated and used “psychological and physical active resistance” to avoid being arrested. To add injury to insult, he wasn’t allowed to get treatment for his burns from the fire until after his court appearance. Also, no word if at any point he said “Don’t taze me, bro.”

A mailman in Palm Beach proved once again that the postal service is useless and that delivering mail is among the easiest jobs in the world. A United States Postal Service worker went from mail truck to police cruiser while on duty in what likely went down as the easiest arrest of someone’s career. The mailman had so much to drink before and/or while on duty that he was actually passed out at the wheel of his truck. When police woke him up to talk to him, the man passed out again and had to be carried to a police cruiser. When he was sober enough to take a breathalyser test, he still blew .264 which is over three times the legal limit for driving in Florida. It’s a good thing they didn’t taze him. The alcohol on his breath might have ignited if it caught a part of that electric current.