The Humanoids: Thanksgiving Hangover

The Humanoids is back from another week off. Not that anyone missed it, I’m sure. Anyway, there’s no real rhyme or reason to this week’s column. Maybe it’s getting back to what I originally envisioned the column as: A weekly look at some compelling persons, places, and things. And I won’t be talking about that balloon kid. After all, he’s dominated CNN since it happened and likely will for the next couple of months. I’d rather talk about anything else. Has anyone else noticed that long weekends are good at the time but mess up the rest of the week? I’ve found myself completely lost this week because I’m working four instead of five days. I thought yesterday was Friday even though I knew it wasn’t because I still had to finish writing this column. Oh, the fun that the tryptophan in the turkey has with you.

By the way, did you catch last week’s episode of The Lowdown radio show? I don’t blame you if you didn’t. It wasn’t one of our best efforts ever. From the news onward, it was pretty good though. The next episode is lining up to be pretty good. We’re taping it tonight. We’ll have a The Beatles: Rock Band review and some Halloween related stuff too. If all goes well, it should be an instant classic.

Captain Lou Albano
captain-lou-albanoOh Captain, my Captain. Lou Albano was just as important in making the WWF the giant of wrestling in the 1980s as Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon. While Hulk Hogan was the face that everyone knows from that era of wrestling, Captain Lou was the star in mainstream media. He was the man at the head of the “Rock ‘n’ Wrestling” storyline that brought in music sensation Cyndi Lauper. Wrestling historians could debate all day about what was more important for the WWF’s success in the 1980s: Hogan or Lauper? Since this is my column, I’ll say that getting Lauper involved in WWF storylines was the best thing that ever happened to WWF. Sure, Hogan was THE draw for wrestling fans in the 80s but he wouldn’t have been the biggest star in wrestling history if Cyndi Lauper didn’t make him that. And if Captain Lou Albano hadn’t been so good in his role working with Lauper, wrestling would have never bigger than a regional event. You can say all you want about Hogan, Austin, and The Rock, but for my money, Captain Lou Albano was one of the most important men in the history of wrestling.

Toronto Maple Leafs
toronto-maple-leafsThey’ve gone 0-for-the season. So much for my theory that they were finally getting better. I don’t suppose that I could withdraw my preview song for them and substitute it with another Beatles song. Perhaps “Help!” this time. They really need someone to help them. The latest word out of the locker room is that they’ve abandoned head coach Ron Wilson after only 5 games. I can’t say it’s entirely Wilson’s fault. He has no goaltending, the defence lacks mobility and defensive smarts, and the offense has suddenly gone anaemic. There’s not a lot he can do. Unfortunately for Brian Burke, Cliff Fletcher and John Ferguson Jr.’s decisions are still haunting him. It’ll be a few years before he can really turn things around. What’ll really destroy the Leafs for a long time is if the Leafs finish dead last in the NHL and Boston makes off like bandits. That Kessel trade netted them this year’s first round pick from the Make Believes. Talk about losing a trade.

New York Yankees
new-york-yankeesLast season, I may have written the above commentary for the Bronx bombers. Whether it’s been luck, or a lack of injuries, or the magic of the new Yankee Stadium, the Yankees are looking really good. The turnaround was a pleasant but sort of expected surprise. A team with a near $200 million payroll can’t suck forever. But what is considered a success for the highest rollers in baseball? You have to think that getting to the World Series is a must after the season they’ve had. It would only be fitting that the Yanks make the Series in their first year in the House that Jeter Built after the captain has one of his best seasons ever. However, the Angels own the Yanks. Since 2002, the Yankees have not won a regular season or playoff series against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California of America. A series win here would both be a miracle and a sign that they’re finally back on the right path towards being those hated bastards that buy championships. I actually miss those days.

Toronto Argonauts
toronto-argonautsThe oldest professional football franchise in North America once again appears to be on death’s door. The team’s owners are looking to sell the franchise which has been hemorrhaging money. They have been looking for some sort of revenue sharing to support all the costs of running the team out of the Rogers Centre which is far too big for CFL crowds. How bad are things for the team in Canada’s biggest sports market? They are going to have one of their home games in Moncton next season. It’s no coincidence that we find out that they’re having money troubles and then the Argos are announced to be heading to Moncton for a game. It would probably cost less to add what is in effect a 10th road game instead of host a game at the Rogers Centre. I’m sure the players wouldn’t mind playing in front of a sold out stadium, either. It’s not been a good year for Toronto sports. Unless you count TFC. They’re doing okay but probably won’t make the playoffs.

Rush Limbaugh
rush-limbaughWell, his bid for the St. Louis Rams lasted long. He was rumoured to be involved in a bid for the Rams as a minority partner. The words “minority partner” and “Rush Limbaugh” will likely never be used in the same sentence ever again. In 2003, Rush was fired from ESPN because he said that Donovan McNabb was overrated by the media because he was black. Six years later, those comments still haven’t died in NFL circles. The players won’t play for him, the owners aren’t sure if people will stand him, and the media won’t take him seriously. All in all, Limbaugh dropping out of the bid process for the Rams wasn’t that surprising. The likelihood of him saying something fine-able or that could be considered tampering on his radio show is so great that he’d likely have to give it up to stay out of trouble with Commissioner Goodell. He’s supposed to be making north of eight figures for his radio show and likely won’t be making anywhere near that by owning the Rams. So goodbye and good riddance, Rush. We won’t miss you. That begs the question: If being a racist is bad enough to likely have your bid blocked, who did Jim Balsillie lay the hate on?

Chris Bosh
chris-boshGuess who owns the Internet? The Toronto Raptors’ franchise player filed a lawsuit against a cybersquatter who held the rights to the chrisbosh.com domain name. Not only did Bosh win control of chrisbosh.com but he also got $125,000 and about 800 other web domains. Most of the domains that were being squatted on should have belonged to basketball players or MMA fighters. I kinda wonder what CB4 will do with his new found internet power. After all, he could hold on to all these domains or he could sell them back to their would-be rightful owners. Either way, I’d like to announce that we’re changing names on Saturday. As a result of a recent lawsuit filed against a cybersquatter, the blog will now be The Bosh-down Blog.

NASCAR Hall of Fame
nascar-hall-of-fame-logoNASCAR took a step toward furthering its legitimacy as one of the big sports by announcing the inaugural class of its new Hall of Fame. They elected Bill France Sr., Bill France Jr., Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt, and Junior Johnson as the first inductees to the Hall of Fame. I figure that if having massive live attendance and better TV ratings than all but the NFL didn’t make it a legitimate member of the major sports leagues, then this will. After all, the “Big Four” hall of fame ceremonies are big events. No reason why NASCAR’s shouldn’t be as well. If I had to gripe, though, five wasn’t nearly enough. They should have allowed 10 in. Then we could have seen Cale Yarborough, Darrell Waltrip, David Pearson or Bobby Allison in the Hall too. We’ll just have to wait ’til next year.

Marge Simpson
marge-simpson-playboy-coverJust as NASCAR moves toward being taken more seriously, Playboy Magazine moves away from legitimacy. Getting a cartoon to appear on the cover of the magazine screams of desperation for attention and sales rather than a good business move. With Playboy apparently losing money in recent years, I guess I can’t fault them for trying something to pick up sales at the newsstands. I can’t see subscribers being happy with this. All that money and they get a cartoon. While I’m sure some folks might find this… interesting, I think this is ridiculous. As I’ve said a few times before, FOX is turning into a hardcore porn channel so gradually that no one will notice. Coming soon to newsstands near you: Lois Griffin on the cover of Playboy.

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