Another week, another dose of the weird, wacky, and wonderful news not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

A staple of American television is those high-speed police chase shows which usually end up badly for the suspect. However, a recent high-speed chase in Wyoming seemed more like something out of a Hollywood drama instead of reality. Last Wednesday morning, police were led on a 50 mile chase that reached speeds of 100 MPH. The chase ended relatively safely when the getaway car was cornered by police. It took another twist when the driver tried to escape on foot. When police caught the driver, they were shocked to find that the driver was an 11-year-old boy. An investigation is still ongoing. I assume one of the things they’re doing is trying to figure out how the kid reached the pedals.

In today’s meta and wiki world, leaks of confidential information and documents are bound to happen. It’s especially hilarious and ironic when it’s the British Ministry of Defence’s latest memo on how to stop documents from being leaked. The document is intended to help MoD, armed forces and intelligence personnel keep information secure from hackers, journalists, spies and others. It was originally published in 2001 but has been classified ever since. Interestingly, journalists are seen as just as big threat to information security as anyone else… Except the Chinese who are apparently really big threats.

You can accuse Americans of being lots of things like being pretty think but you can’t say they aren’t helpful. A criminal escaped a Manhattan courthouse after asking a guard for directions out of the building. The man got out of a cell on the building’s 12th floor and found his way into the holding area for a courtroom on the floor below. A guard came into the holding area and found the intrepid escapee wearing a suit which he was wearing for his court appearance. The guard assumed that the prisoner was actually a lawyer who got lost and allowed him to walk right out of the building. Since he walked out on his court appearance, the man has been on the lamb. He even took the time to drop in on his mother while escaped.

Frequent flyers should take note of some of the new tricks that airlines are using to reduce their carbon footprint. If you fly Air Canada, you can give them money to plant a tree to offset their and your carbon footprint. If you fly All Nippon Airways, you have to go to the washroom in the terminal before you get onboard. Their reasoning is that empty bladders means lighter passengers which means a lighter airplane meaning less fuel would be used. All Nippon is so serious about the policy that they will have staff members remind passengers waiting for their flights to go to the washroom before boarding. They hope to reduce their carbon footprint by five tonnes of emissions per month. I think this plan smells like shit.

One thing you learn in this day and age is that priests are human. No, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about a Swedish priest who got a little too far into his reserves of sacramental wine. A family is suing the protestant Church of Sweden after one of its priests performed a funeral while drunk. He was flirting with the dead man’s family members including his daughter and 20-year-old granddaughter. The priest mumbled through the service and family members claimed to smell alcohol on his breath. The family is suing for €30,000 because all they will be able to think about when they remember their dearly departed is the drunk priest. If that’s all they’ll remember, clearly they weren’t crying a river at the service in the first place.