Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then we must be bringing you another edition of the Not News of the Week. This week’s theme is Epic Failures.

Robbery Fail
Two would be burglars of an alcohol warehouse didn’t listen to an important piece of advice from Scarface: Don’t get high on your own supply. Two men managed to wheel out some booze and stack some more cases. However, their mission got sidetracked when they cracked open a few bottles. Before they knew it, they were passed out in the warehouse’s yard where police found them the next morning. They were so drunk that they couldn’t even escape. They were brought to court the next morning where one of the men was still so drunk that he wasn’t let into the building. Rather than go it alone, his partner walked out of the court without anyone noticing and the two have been on the run since then. If I were the rozzers (Brit slang for police), I would search in a spiral pattern and look only at pubs and liquor stores.

Road Sign Fail
A road sign on a highway in Central Wisconsin has rechristened two towns and a highway. This sign on the southbound portion of Interstate 39 is now infamous because three of four words on the sign are misspelled. The town of Rothschild is now known as Rothschield while Schofield was called Schofeild on the sign. Cities weren’t the only things that were misspelled on the sign. Business Highway 51 is hence forth known as Buisness Highway 51. To top things off, the exit is called… exit. It’s the only line on the sign that’s correctly spelled. The locals had a good laugh at the sign but were amazed that no one bothered to spell check it first. Naturally, state officials say that the sign order was sent in without spelling mistakes. Leave it to the politicians to blame everyone else.

Celebrity Memorabilia Fail
An American company that turns human remains into precious stones claims to have possession of a lock of Michael Jackson’s hair. They claim to have hair purchased from the producer of the Pepsi ad in which Jackson’s hair caught fire. LifeGem doesn’t know how many diamonds they will be able to create from the hair in their possession. They claim to have already made diamonds from the hair of legendary composer Ludwig van Beethoven. LifeGem puts the carbon found in the remains under intense pressure to recreate the conditions that lead to the creation of real diamonds. Normally, LifeGem would charge up to $25,000 for diamonds but we can expect these diamonds to fetch a fair amount more. There’s creepy memorabilia but I think this one reaches new heights.

Excuse Fail
Billionaire computer guy Bill Gates has given up on his Facebook profile because he’s gotten too many friend requests. Gates told an audience in New Delhi that managing the profile “was just way too much trouble.” Despite the fact that he deleted his Facebook profile, there is still a fan pages dedicated to Gates that boasts over 17,000 followers. My guess is that Billy G was getting all these friend requests so people could post on his wall about how much Vista sucks.

Navigation Fail
A Swedish couple who were vacationing in Italy took a wrong turn at Albuquerque… or whatever the Italian equivalent to that is. They were trying to get to the Isle of Capri but made a mistake when they punched their destination into their GPS navigation. Instead, they ended going about 600 miles in the wrong direction to the northern industrial town of Carpi. The couple didn’t realize that they were lost until they asked where the Blue Grotto sea cave was at the local tourist office. Apparently, the Dutch aren’t the only ones on drugs. If this couple knew what they were doing, they would have realized that they need to catch a ferry to get to the island.


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