If it’s not worth talking about, that must mean it’s time for another edition of the Not News of the Week. The theme for this week’s edition is boys and their toys.

England cricketing legend Andrew Flintoff has decided to retire from test cricket at the age of 31. For those who are interested, test cricket is one cricket match that is played over a five day period. Flintoff will retire after the ongoing Ashes test cricket series between England and Australia. The Ashes is a series of five 5-day matches and is among the biggest cricketing events in the world. Anyway, Flintoff claims that years of injuries and operations have finally caught up with him and he can’t play at his top level anymore. So what does plan on doing with his free time? He’s going to spend more time with his family and watching Coronation Street. Yes, his favourite TV show is a soap opera. But are you going to say anything to a man who is best known for pounding objects with a giant bat?

A tortoise was able to pull off every animal’s dream by escaping from the circus. The 114-pound tortoise ran away from a circus during a show in Madison, Wisconsin. He was eventually found and returned to the circus company after six days. In his time on the lamb, the tortoise managed to put a distance of two miles from the show location to a local golf course. The tortoise, named Berta, can’t actually pull off any tricks but the fans love him all the same. When he meets up with his crew, it will be back to putting smiles on everyone’s face.

Some kids at a Catholic elementary school in Bolton, England are in a bit of trouble with their neighbours. About 150 people who live near the school have signed a petition to have Bolton Council take steps to reduce the noise coming from the school. Neighbours specifically site the loudness of the kids’ laughter as being particularly loud. Neighbours have previously complained about the noise from the school bell and soccer balls being kicked against the fence. The loud noise coming from the school has been blamed for neighbourhood folks not being able to sit on their patios or open their windows. I guess boys can be boys until they piss off Old Man Sedgwick.

Speaking of boys will be boys, this is true until you try to become a Transformer. A nine-year-old boy in China’s Sichuan Province wanted to become a “valiant warrior” like his hero Optimus Prime from the Transformers TV series. So he decided that he could do that by drinking gasoline. For the next five years, he drank gas, up to “three bottles a day,” until his parents took him to see a doctor. It turns out that the kid had been drinking gas out of his family’s motorcycle’s gas tank. When his parents caught him and locked up the bike, he started drinking gas from his neighbours. When his parents took the now 14-year-old boy to the doctor they found out that the kid wouldn’t get supernatural strength but instead ended up with severe nerve and brain damage because China still uses leaded gasoline.

Boys love their toys and the ultimate toy is a car. So what happens when someone isn’t happy with a standard Ferrari F355 sports car? They find an abandoned Citroen 2CV bread-van and combine the two. Two friends in Italy put the body of the French car onto the chassis of the Italian super car to make the world’s fastest bread-van. The resulting car can now do 0-to-60 MPH in less than 5.0 seconds and can allegedly reach a top speed 180 MPH. As for its standing on the Car Wall… A 2CV is cool. An F355 is sub zero. But toss in a bread van and suddenly you’re entering uncharted waters. I’d have to split the difference and call this one cool.