I haven’t been paying too much attention to the latest apocalypse talk but I keep hearing that the world is going to end on Saturday. I’m still banking on 2012 being the end of the world but I did realize that if the world does end tomorrow, we’re going to miss out on a lot of potential fun with celebrities.
So just in case the world does end, I’ve taken the liberty of telling you some of the better celebrity gossip stories that you’ll miss out on over the next 12 months.
Taylor Swift Breaks Up With Boyfriend, Writes New Song
After breaking up with yet another boyfriend, country music starlet Taylor Swift’s latest single is said to have been written her ex. After going through Joe Jonas, Lucas Till, Taylor Lautner, John Mayer, Toby Hemingway, Cory Monteith, Jake Gyllenhaal and Chord Overstreet in the last three years, it really doesn’t come as much of a surprise that Swift’s latest hit is based on one of her high-profile romances.
Wladimir Klitschko Gets Revenge, Pummels Mark Sanchez
It was suspected that a little side action led to the break-up of celebrity odd couple of 5’2″ actress Hayden Panettiere and 6’5″ boxer Wladimir Klitschko. It looks like Klitschko believed the tabloids after running into Panettiere’s new boyfriend Mark Sanchez in New York and dropping him for an easy ten count. The two attended the same party in Manhattan and the world champion didn’t take well to seeing the Sanchize in attendance. Sanchez was reported to have been dropped by one Klitschko right cross. Also in attendance was New York Jets coach Rex Ryan who slapped Sanchez on the ass and offered profane words of encouragement after the fight.
Lady Gaga Does MTV Video Music Awards Red Carpet in Sugar Cube Dress
One year after the infamous meat dress appearance on the VMA red carpet, Lady Gaga attempted to out do herself at the 2011 VMAs. This time, the food focus was sugar cubes. The dress was made of sugar cubes on strings. At first, it seemed as though this year’s dress was going to be less controversial than the meat dress which upset PETA. Unfortunately, the light rain in Los Angeles let that wish go unfulfilled. Some things just can’t be unseen.
Snooki Plays In The WNBA
Following up her success in the world of professional wrestling at WrestleMania 27, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi took to the hardcourt as a member of the New York Liberty. Snooki didn’t see action late in the second quarter with her team up by nine (with a score 23-14). In four minutes on the floor, Snooki went 0-for-3 from the floor with three airballs. She was also the recipient of a WNBA posterization (someone put home a lay-up over her).
Charlie Sheen Dies Of Drug Overdose; Reports Say Face Melted
Charlie Sheen claimed he was on only one drug in an interview in March and it turned out to be fatal. Reports say that the former star of Two and a Half Men died of an overdose of Charlie Sheen. In an interview during his spring meltdown, Sheen stated that he was on a drug called Charlie Sheen and if anyone but him tried it, it would melt their face. A source with contacts close to Sheen said he was found dead by “goddess” Natalie Kenly with his face melted off and his children crying over his exploded body. Chuck Lorre was called for comment but his statement could not be heard over the sound of popping champagne bottles.
Justin Timberlake Hooks Up With Selena Gomez
In his continuing conquest of the starlets of Hollywood, Justin Timberlake has moved on from Olivia Munn to Selena Gomez. Friends of Gomez said the two were seen cozying up to each other at a recent party in Hollywood. To paraphrase using an old-timey word, the pair were said to be smitting. Our sources also said that the pair left the party together out a back door. Selena’s friends said they were happy for her since previous beau, Justin Bieber, wasn’t interested in women yet. They said that she said that he said he wasn’t really interested in girls or boys yet.
Justin Bieber Goes To Rehab
Upon hearing that his public relations hired girlfriend had moved onto Justin Timberlake. Bieber was said to have started drinking heavily after Selena Gomez dropped him for JT. Sources close to The Bieb say that his recent drug and alcohol binge isn’t related to the break-up itself but the deluge of “comfort” offered to him by young fans and their cougar mothers alike. The problem wasn’t the quantity but the quality of offers he was receiving. A source close to Bieber quoted him as saying, “If I wanted ugly and old chicks, I could wait until I’m touring casinos in Canada.”