Since marrying Kevin Federline (AKA K-Fed and AKA FedEx), Britney Spears has basically disappeared off the face of the earth apart from tabloid appearances marking her train wrecking life. The highlight of her musical career since marrying Federline in 2004 was the semi-nude behind the scenes pictures from the video for her 2007 song Gimme More. Since her marriage, she released two completely forgettable albums. Well, now she’s back with her latest overhyped comeback attempt with the new single Hold It Against Me.
Britney’s songs have always relied on the computers to make her sound better than she actually does. Let’s face it, in this day and age, that’s fair practice. In Hold It Against Me, I’m not sure Britney sings without the computer tweaking her voice with touches of autotune and other vocal tricks. While the computer enhanced her voice before, it seems to be the only thing allowing her to sing now. And this is a song basically all done inside a computer. The song is driven by a deep synthesized baseline that screams “If this doesn’t hit #1 on the Billboard charts (which it did), it’ll at least be a hit in the clubs.” And the lyrics aren’t in any way inspired. You’d think Hold It Against Me would be an angrier, almost P!nk-esque, song smacking back at the critics and tabloids. Instead, it’s about cuddling and possibly dry-humping. How about I sum up the song this way: If someone who wasn’t a platinum recording artist released it, would Rolling Stone give it four stars? Hell no. People think it’s good because of how bad Britney’s been for the last seven years. This is just a bad song.
So congrats, Britney. You’ve won the prestigious Worst of Music award for this week.
Have a better WoM candidate for next week? Drop it in the comments.