The Best of Texts From Last Night (Part 4)

It’s been a few months since we’ve done one of the classic sites from our best sites of the interweb series. It’s been over five months since we last looked at the greatest hits of TextsFromLastNight.com. Well, the fun and partying never ends so neither do the stories. So in our latest installment of the best of the interweb, here are more quick stories about drugs, alcohol, debauchery and sometimes all of the above.

(All texts contained in this post should be considered sic’d.)

Person 1: Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
Person 2: That doesn’t help me much…
Person 1: I’m right under the moon!

Who would win… a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.

Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for “is it a boy or a girl?”

just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, “Make it rain”.

We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can…. she is like a mini donald trump

No one knows who he is but he hasn’t missed a shot in beer pong yet. He’s dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.

I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn’t even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but….its for America

the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.

DON’T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.

You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?

In the middle of fucking me, she said “Hold on, I need my Hulk hands.”

i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

Person 1: hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Person 2: Yup.
Person 1: Yup.

Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids

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