We have another swap at the top of the Power Rankings this week. It shouldn’t be unexpected because the Pittsburgh Penguins have won ten straight games heading into last night. I also put two teams that I didn’t expect to make the playoffs into the top ten. And the Leafs still managed to move down in the standings despite winning two games against top Eastern Conference opponents. Just life as usual for the Make Believes.

#1 Pittsburgh Penguins (Last Week #2)
In last night’s Late Night Link-Off, I ran a link about the hottest wives of mediocre NHL players. At #1, unsurprisingly, was Mike Comrie of the Pens (and several other teams) who is married to Hilary Duff. He’s managed a simply astounding 0.6 points per game heading into the season. He’s managed an even more amazing 0.3 PPG in the playoffs. He’s about as mediocre as mediocre comes and somehow he ended up with a nine (well, depending on the day of the week) despite being seven years her senior and about a 5 as an NHL player. How much you want to bet that Hilary married him in part for the money because his family owns The Brick furniture store chain in Canada? We all know that she doesn’t have much of a career nowadays.

#2 Detroit Red Wings (LW #1)
Despite the fact that they’re no longer #1 in the Power Rankings, my Wings weren’t bitten by any sort of PR jinx. The Pens are just that hot right now thanks to that bastard Sidney Crosby. But despite the Pens ridiculous hot streak, the Wings are probably the best team in the NHL. They’re just not the best team right now. After all, Detroit is right behind Pittsburgh and Washington for the league lead despite playing four less games than the other two. They have the best winning percentage in the league. Not bad for a team of old men.

#3 Dallas Stars (LW #13)
How’s this for an inexplicable hot streak this week? The Dallas Stars are the second best team in the NHL over the last 10 games. This is a team that most prognosticators (including myself) figured was not a playoff team and could have even contended for a #1 overall pick this year. I think big years by Brad Richard and Loui Eriksson are helping the cause. And to think that a couple of weeks ago people were talking about where Brad Richards would be traded to at the deadline. Clearly the team’s chances of playoff success are best if they hold on to him. Not that the Stars will win the Cup but they’ll have a puncher’s chance with a Conn Smythe winner in the lineup.

#4 Tampa Bay Lightning (LW #9)
I think the Lightning should be in fairly good shape going forward. Despite the fact that their goal differential is a -10, I think they should be safely in the playoffs at season’s end and will hold a top ten spot in the Power Rankings. They’re a third of the way into the season and already have played five more road games than home games. Their winning percentage at home is 0.727 which means they should be good for 7 points from those games. And that sounds good. I ain’t doing any more statistical analysis than that. If it sounds good, it probably is.

#5 Montreal Canadiens (LW #4)
With all things being equal, it wouldn’t be surprising to see Carey Price leading the fan voting for goalies for the NHL All-Star Game. After all, the chase for the Vezina Trophy looks to be a two-horse race between Price and Boston’s Tim Thomas. The amazing thing is that Price is a write-in vote. He wasn’t originally included on the ballot by the NHL brass. Educated fans and Montreal Canadiens fans (obviously two separate and mutually exclusive groups of fans) have gotten behind Price. Unlike Montreal’s fan campaign in 2009, their votes for price are well placed this time.

#6 Washington Capitals (LW #3)
I was all set to go on about how much I want the Caps to let the Pens hold onto the #1 spot in the Power Rankings and then ruin their New Year’s Day like they did to Buffalo in the original Winter Classic. Then they went and lost to the Leafs. I know it was in a shootout but they still lost to the fucking Leafs. Losing to the Leafs is like losing to the Detroit Lions at the end of the Matt Millen era. There’s no one on that team that should be able to outgun the likes of Ovi, Semin, Backstrom, Green et al. Pathetic effort. You’re just making Leafs fans even more insufferable than they already are.

#7 Philadelphia Flyers (LW #5)
Also interesting in this week’s NHL fan voting for the All-Star Game starters is who is in second for goalies. It’s rookie and write-in candidate Sergei Bobrovski. Philly Bob took the starting job thanks to injuries but has held on to the job since the start of the year. He’s not been Vezina Trophy good but I don’t think a Calder Trophy is out of reach. By the way, it must be my TV nerdiness but every time I refer to Bobrovski as Bob, I think of BOB from Twin Peaks. I’m not saying that Bobrovski is a disembodied killer that possesses people… Well, he does play for Philly so killing folks wouldn’t be outside the job description.

#8 Atlanta Thrashers (LW #10)
How right is everything  going for the Thrashers? Zach Bogosian botched his OT winning goal celebration and it almost looked like he meant to do it. The classic knee-bending fist pump turned into knee-bend “tumblina” but it looked like that’s what he meant to do. It even got a mention on SportsIllustrated.com. The Thrashers have inexplicably become this year’s Coyotes. Well, they do have five 2010 Stanley Cup champs on the team but given the team’s history, you almost think it’s too good to be true. More power to them for succeeding. They’ll be worth a lot more when they’re sold to a Canadian owner to be moved to Canada.

#9 New York Rangers (LW #8)
According to Wikipedia, Gus Johnson used to do play-by-play for college hockey games for ESPN and CFL games for ESPN2. He also did some work on New York Rangers games that wasn’t specifically noted but it sounds like he was a pregame host. This prompts two questions: 1) Why aren’t there YouTube videos that have been widely shared of vintage Gus hockey/CFL calls? and 2) Why hasn’t anyone let Gus try his hand at NHL play-by-play? Surely his CBS contract is so ironclad that he couldn’t do some local broadcasts somewhere. Legends like Gus deserve to be heard everywhere.

#10 Boston Bruins (LW #16)
It’s been a bit quiet if you’re a Bruins fan lately. Well, except for the call of Tim Thomas’ overtime save against Toronto on the local TV broadcast that would have rivaled a Gus Johnson call. It wasn’t quite up to Gus standards but that’s the best we’ll get from the current crop of play-by-play men. But a Bruins alum that wasn’t quiet this past week was Donald S. Cherry. I love Grapes but even I think the continuous swipes at left-wing pinkos was a bit much. Sure, they’re the ones that are anti-Ford and anti-Grapes but introducing the mayor before council probably wasn’t the best time to take them to task.

#11 Vancouver Canucks (LW #11)
Toronto is getting a UFC pay-per-view on April 30th at the Rogers Centre. So why do I mention that here instead of under the Leafs portion of the rankings? Well, I do want to mock the Leafs just a bit so I don’t want to pass up that opportunity. But the real reason is that UFC President Dana White has mentioned about how the UFC’s biggest shows have been in Canada. There have been shows in Montreal and Vancouver but Dana specifically singled out Montreal as being a mecca for MMA in North America. I would assume that Toronto will join that category when the UFC sells some 60,000+ tickets. But Vancouver got no love. But I suppose that Van-city isn’t getting an April UFC show because the Canucks will still be playing hockey then unlike the Make Believes.

#12 Phoenix Coyotes (LW #7)
Thanks to a charity auction, you can win a date with Jason Kidd’s ex-wife, Joumana. Now, weird names is a whole other topic that I’m not going to get into. Anyway, the date that’s being auctioned off is being called a “Dream Dinner Date.” If you recall the details of their divorce, both Jason and Joumana seemed eager to get out of the marriage because each accused the other of some form of abuse. Joumana accused Jason of beating her while Jason accused Joumana of extreme cruelty. Gee, sounds like a dream date to me.

#13 Chicago Blackhawks (LW #15)
Another trend I’ve sorta noticed from the NHL All-Star voting: Who’s sitting in 2nd in voting for forwards? NHL 11 cover boy Jonathan Toews. Okay, he was also a star of the Canadian Olympic hockey team and a Conn Smythe winner but he’s still got the backing of EA Sports in this campaign. In 6th place among forwards is NHL 10 cover athlete Patrick “20 Cent” Kane. And he might have scored a Stanley Cup winning goal in overtime as well as appeared shirtless on Deadspin on a regular basis but he’s probably best known for his video game cover. I guess if you want that bonus for making the game, you’ll take help anyway it comes.

#14 Columbus Blue Jackets (LW #6)
Since Google tells me that Columbus is the closest NHL team to Indianapolis, they lose their spot this week to Peyton Manning. Wasn’t he an MVP candidate only like three weeks ago. In his last three games, he’s thrown an astounding (for Peyton Manning) 11 interceptions. That’s Jake Delhomme numbers in the interception column. That’s Brett Favre numbers. That’s Peyton Manning over like five seasons. It’s so bad that we need Jim Mora back to tell us not to talk about playoffs. (Playoffs?!?) It’s a tough year to be a football fan in the midwest.

#15 Colorado Avalanche (LW #12)
When a coach goes this cold, a change is in order. Not with the Avalanche, though. Joe Sacco is a pretty good coach considering that his team is operating with the third-most space below the salary cap in the league. No, I’m talking about former Denver Broncos coach Josh McDaniels. After starting his rookie coaching campaign 6-0, he went 5-17 before getting turfed on Monday. Ironically, we was given a vote of confidence from ownership only last week. But the coaching probably isn’t what did him in. It was probably trading Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall and Peyton Hillis in the span of a couple months. That’s the reason why coaches and GMs should be separate. It allows for checks and balances in personnel decisions and is generally better for the team overall. McDaniels’ failure is just as much that of McDaniels as the ownership.

#16 San Jose Sharks (LW #14)
I know that my Power Rankings aren’t going to reflect the following opinion but it’s my Power Rankings so I’m allowed to be a hypocrite. The Sharks aren’t in the playoffs heading into Wednesday’s games but neither are the Avalanche. However, I would still say that the Sharks are the best team not sitting in the top eight of either conference. I’d conservatively call them the sixth best team in the West but depending on the week, you could still push it as high as third. As highly as I rate them come playoff time, I still think they’re a force in the regular season.

#17 Nashville Predators (LW #24)
You know, for all the bitching I’m doing about the downfall of my own fantasy hockey teams this season, I’ve missed out on the exploits of the rest of the crew. Jackie sits 2nd in the Lowdown fantasy pool while Scott is behind him in 3rd on a tiebreaker. The Enge is even in the top ten at 9th overall. And despite the fact that I suck in the LBFHL, in the LBFHL2, I’m 2nd and undefeated (with 3 ties). So let’s call this some shameless self-promotion. We do occasionally know what we’re talking about and hockey is definitely one of those things we know about.

#18 Anaheim Ducks (LW #20)
I’m pretty sure I mentioned this last week but we’ve already taped this year’s Lowdown Christmas special. I can’t help but recall the first Lowdown Christmas show which aired on December 25th, 2007. Our boss at the time told me that the USC might not think too highly of a dedicated Christmas show as opposed to holiday show. I think she might have been half kidding but it just goes to show the over political correctness of society. We can’t say “Merry Christmas” but “Happy Holidays.” We all know Christmas is on the 25th and that’s what all the sales are really for. Dump the generic well wishes and say what we all know.

#19 Los Angeles Kings (LW #17)
There have been a lot of ads for pistachios lately. I think they’re all for California pistachios too. I’ve never seen such a marketing push for a type of nut in my life. Planters often runs ads for peanuts or mixed nuts but that’s just a particular brand of nut. The pistachio campaign seems to get people to realize that pistachios are edible. And what the hell to the likes of Chad Ochocinco (né Johnson) and Lucy and Charlie Brown have to do with pistachios? Mr. Peanut did a better job selling mixed nuts than a Twitter celebrity (slash football player) does selling pistachios.

#20 Buffalo Sabres (LW #22)
Today’s Sabres fact that will only interest me and Sabres fans: They have a losing record overall but have a winning record on the road. Granted, it’s only one game above 0.500% but that’s still better than Washington and Tampa Bay. I’m not saying Buffalo is better than them, even on the road, but that’s a fun little stat. They’ll need that good road record late in the season because I can’t see them in the playoffs right now. The Rangers are the only team I can see falling out of the top eight in the East right now.

#21 St. Louis Blues (LW #18)
How the mighty have fallen. Early in the season, they rode Jaroslav Halak to the top of the league and our very own Power Rankings. Now they can’t seem to either put the puck in the net or keep the puck from going in their own net. Ever since that Joe Thornton blindside hit to the head of David Perron (that wasn’t much of a blindside hit nor much more than a vast difference in heights) the Blues have disappeared off the face of the earth. And here I was thinking that they might actually make the playoffs.

#22 Carolina Hurricanes (LW #23)
Here’s your funny NASCAR lawsuit of the week: Robby Gordon is suing Extenze. Unfortunately for us, it has nothing to do with the product not living up to its advertising for him. Gordon drove some races in the #7 Extenze Toyota Camry instead of Kevin Conway who is sponsored personally by Extenze. For Conway’s sake, I hope he doesn’t publicly endorse or use the product but an athlete testimonial for a “male enhancement product” would be funny. Anyway, Gordon and Extenze disagree over whether they agreed to the driver swap. This has to be the funniest high-profile lawsuit involving penis pills ever.

#23 Minnesota Wild (LW #19)
When I mentioned in last week’s Power Rankings that I didn’t believe in OPS as a baseball stat, Scott tweeted me this: “So you hate OPS… I am surprised that you haven’t picked up one of those rotary phones. They are all the rage.” This is the cheeky sort of stuff that I have to deal with around Lowdown HQ every week. By the way, I think that OBP is a useful stat for top of the batting order hitters. Hell, I’d use slugging for 3 through 5 hitters. I just don’t see a relationship between getting on base and slugging that necessitates the creation of OPS.

#24 Florida Panthers (LW #21)
The Panthers are disappointing me. I’ve been championing them as… Well, better than four Canadian teams and not much else. Injuries are slowly dragging them back down. I feel sorry for Pete DeBoer. Even though his Kitchener Rangers routinely pounded my Soo Greyhounds, I respect the guy as a coach. But I’m not sure he’ll last with GM Dale Tallon. The Panthers couldn’t expect a quick turnaround with the architect of the 2010 Cup champs at the helm but this isn’t looking good. The coach is the buffer to save the GM from getting his own ass canned (see Wilson, Ron sometime between now and April). I hope Pete doesn’t take the fall for this Panthers recent slide but I don’t think he can duck it forever.

#25 Edmonton Oilers (LW #29)
I think this is the first time that the Oilers have gotten out of the bottom five all season. Then again, last week was the first time that the Oil show any sign of life all season. They’ve actually won four straight games. Taylor Hall was named the NHL’s third star of last week. Maybe, just maybe, I was too quick to write them off. Granted, they aren’t out of danger of getting the #1 overall pick. But at least they’re in better shape going forward than the Leafs.

#26 Calgary Flames (LW #26)
Though I’ve never seen this idea floated about Calgary’s nickname, how much do you want to bet that Calgary remained the Flames after moving from Atlanta because fire burns oil. After all, the Kansas City Scouts / Colorado Rockies / New Jersey Devils franchise changed names at every stop. The Flames never did change names. Mind you, we have a similar legend in my hometown. The Soo’s OHL team was named Greyhounds because a Greyhound was faster than rival Sudbury’s namesake wolves. Stories like this are sure better than holding a fan vote.

#27 Ottawa Senators (LW #25)
Ottawa fans are all a bunch of posers. There, I said what every hockey fan outside the Ottawa area was thinking last week. That spectacle they raised over Heatley was a media generated and media created reaction to a feeling that never existed. Sens fans never liked Heatley. They just tolerated him because he was the most talented player on the team. Hossa would have deserved that reaction from the fans if he demanded a trade because he was a franchise player. Heatley was just parachuted in from Atlanta to get him out of a bad situation. Ottawa fans didn’t give a shit about him until last week.

#28 Toronto Maple Leafs (LW #27)
I know, I know. They beat Washington and Boston. This team looks like they can hang with the big boys when they’re so inclined… Or at least in the shootout. Not that it was much of an accomplishment against the Bruins who are 0-3 in the shootout. The Caps should have beat the Leafs but they deserved to lose after coughing up that three goal lead in the third. At least the Leafs will get some play on SportsCenter thanks to Grabhovskikovalainen’s spin-a-rama move on Neuvirth. Gotta count for something.

#29 New Jersey Devils (LW #28)
I thought Brent Sutter was committing career suicide by leaving a decent situation in Jersey to coach for his brother in Calgary. It turns out that the only one committing career suicide is Lou Lamoriello. Between trading for and signing Kovi, not getting a backup for an increasingly injury prone Brodeur and completely screwing up the salary cap situation, he’s done all that’s possible to give the Devils a shot at the #1 pick. I hope there’s a goalie ranked in the top five this year. Marty isn’t long for the NHL.

#30 New York Islanders (LW #30)
Is it safe to say that they Isles will get their second #1 pick in three years in June? Sure, they aren’t out of the running to finish 29th or better but there’s no way they’ll make up the gap on whoever’s in front even with games in hand. If ever there was a team that needed to be grenaded and start over, it’s the Islanders. Keep Tavares, Moulson, Okposo, Streit, this year’s #1 pick and Roloson and start over. That means there’s 14 spots in the lineup to be earned. It can’t turn out any worse than this year.