In the big meeting in the Death Star’s board room, we only hear from four people even though there were nine people in on the meeting (and two security guards). So what were those other Imperial higher ups thinking about while listening to everyone else drone on about stolen plans, hidden bases and superior firepower? I hypothesize after the jump.

Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin

“Come on. Looking like Skeletor must make me scarier than an asmatic guy in a plastic suit.”

Darth Vader

“I think you’ve had enough. No? Now you’ve had enough. Bitch.”

High General Cassio Tagge

“One of these pens must work. But I wish they made pocket protectors for these uniforms.”

Admiral Conan Antonio Motti

“I wish my uniform was brown instead of green after that. Can at least I get a fresh pair of pants?”

General Moradmin Bast

“Don’t be too proud of this technological terror we’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of my sideburns.”

Colonel Wullf Yularen

“How many times have I told them not to bleach my uniforms? And I know I dropped my danish on my shirt during the last meeting but you didn’t have to give today’s to me in a dog food bowl.”

Officer Cass

“Infinite technology and money to build a giant battle station and they aren’t paying me enough to by a decent hair piece. Seriously, I look like John Mahoney.”

Senator Romodi

“Why am I the only one who didn’t have a name card in front of my seat? Do you guys even know that I’m here? And why don’t I have a picture?”

Nova Stihl

“Do you think anyone will notice my ugly nose as long as I wear this ugly helmet?”

Tajis Durmin

“We’re no strangers to love… You know the rules and so do I…”