If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be time for another dose of the Not News of the Week.

A woman in Wisconsin tried a new way to get out of an arrest for shoplifting. The woman allegedly stole a bag of beef jerky and a lighter from a convenience store and went home. When police arrived at the woman’s house, she stripped down to her underwear in front of her three kids claiming that the officers couldn’t arrest a naked woman. Police seemed to think they could arrest a naked woman but when they tried to cuff her, she kicked one officer in the groin and spit in another’s mouth. When they finally got her into the squad car, she decided to moon everyone out the rear window. Naturally, she was very drunk when this all happened. Something tells me that she won’t win Mother of the Year this year.

Nobody would ever accuse the Americans of being a smart people. Residents at an apartment complex in Marina del Rey, California, let a dead man sit on his balcony and decompose because they thought the man was actually a Halloween decoration. The 75-year-old dead man had been killed with a single shot through the eye but it took three days before a TV cameraman called authorities about it. Even after the authorities completed their investigation, the neighbours acted as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. Clearly, these aren’t the sort of neighbours you’d want to bring on The Weakest Link.

A father and son burglary team found out the hard way that alcohol and crime don’t mix. The pair broke into a house at 2:00 AM and picked up car keys, medication, cash, and jewellery. However, as they were about to make their escape one of the homeowners woke up so the thieves hid in the house. That would have worked except that the son passed out in his hiding spot underneath a bed. In the morning, the woman living in the house found the would-be thief under her bed and called a neighbour and police. To make matters worse for the unconscious thief, the neighbour was his grandfather. The only thing that could be worse than dealing with the police is a paddling from Grandpa.

Everyone has that dream of winning the lottery and quitting their jobs on the spot. A 15-man police force in a small town in Hungary has done just that. The whole police service of Budaors, Hungary, walked off the job after winning over £10 million in the Hungarian national lottery. Police chiefs from across the country have sent in backup and reserve officers to the town until full-time replacements can be found. I hope the cops haven’t put all their money in the back yet. It’s likely to be stolen without any cops to catch potential robbers.

Everybody’s other occupational dream is to be promoted to being the boss. Well, one man working two jobs in Pennsylvania (including one as a nursing home assistant) got a promotion to King of a Ugandan tribe. Charles Wesley Mumbere inherited the throne of the Rwenzururu Kingdom when he was 13-years-old. He left for the US to attend business school but the Ugandan government cut off the scholarship he was on and stranded him there on political asylum. The government just began recognizing the traditional kingdoms of Uganda after they were banned in 1967. You have to admit that he got the best promotion in the history of the world.