Even though it’s Tuesday, if it’s not worth talking about, then it’s still the Not News of the Week.

The 2009-2010 NHL season kicks off on Thursday night. There’s one man that won’t be taking the ice because he’s making a lateral career move. Veteran NHL defenseman Patrice Brisebois retired last week after 18 seasons and 1009 games. Unlike most retiring athletes, he’s not planning his eventual comeback. Instead, he’s going to fill his free time by driving in the NASCAR Canadian Tire Series. He’s run two races. His first race was at Trois Rivieres where he retired because of heat exhaustion. In his second race in Montreal, he finished in 12th after starting in 15th. He says his racing dreams include moving up to the Nationwide or Sprint Cup Series. If that doesn’t work out, he’d love to race in the world-famous 24 Hours of Le Mans.

We all remember the famous scene from Bowling For Columbine when Michael Moore got a free gun for signing up for a bank account. It turns out that he may have popularized something. A candidate running to be the head of South Carolina’s chapter of the National Guard held a fundraiser at a firing range. The $25 ticket got attendees a barbeque lunch, bullets for target practice and a raffle ticket to win an AK-47. His people will apparently conduct a background check on the winner. I don’t know much about gun owners but I don’t think more firepower is a good idea here.

One reason why assault rifles shouldn’t be handed out to just anyone is because Americans are very angry people. Six women were arrested at a bar in Stamford, Connecticut, after attacking a karaoke singer. The police report said that the attackers “made derogatory comments about the [victim’s] singing ability (or lack thereof).” The victim, another woman, was singing a song by Columbian singer Juanes, apparently quite badly. On another note, I’d like to invite those six women to my next family function to prevent anyone in my family from trying out their singing chops on Rock Band.

In what has to be one of the dumbest stories of the year, a District Councillor in England has been cleared of accusing a fellow councillor a witch after a lengthy and expensive investigation. Forest Heath councillor Pat McCloud felt he was interrupted in a council meeting so he sent out an email to other councillors saying “How could [Cllr Lisa Chambers] possibly know what I was about to say, how could anyone know until I finished, you know they used to burn witches at the stake for having such abilities.” The council’s standards committee found McCloud guilty of treating a fellow council member with disrespect. That was overturned after an appeal to the Adjudication Board of England which cost over £3,000 to investigate. Tax payer dollars (or pounds) hard at work.

The players of an Irish Premiere League soccer team are unbelievably embarrassed after they were forced to seek out public donations to make it to their last league game. Cork City was so far in debt that the team captain went on local radio to raise money for bus fare to send the team to its game at St. Patrick’s Athletic. They were only able to make it to Dublin for the game after local businessmen donated money for the team’s bus fare. The team was apparently so far behind on its charter bus payments that they were refused service. The extra fundraising did work off. Cork City was able to draw 1-1 with St. Patrick’s.